:( Hello everyone. I am a 32 year old mom of 3 kids. My middle child is 6 1/2 years old and has been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder as well as Oppositional Defiant Disorder. It is sooo hard to deal with him. It has gotten worse when I had the baby in January. He gets all the attention and time we possibly can give him and there is no fighting, alcoholism, abuse or anything in our household. It is even affecting his older brother since my little one despises his sister most times when she cries. He says mean things, threatens to kill himself and run away. I have been contacting so many therapists and nobody has any openings for him. I was even contemplating sending him to a behavioral school or something. He is in a self-contained classroom with an instructional aide just for him but when the aide is not there, he goes haywire! He is on meds now to treat the Adhd, which is working to a point since he is actually sitting more still in school and doing work-unlike before. The main thing is the ODD. This is driving me crazy. He deliberately does things to hurt me, teachers, his sister, the cat, anybody! Nothing works-taking his favorite things away does not work. Punishing him does not work. A spanking may work for a little, but not always, and I don't like to have to resort to this... what can I do? I am trying my best to understand that he has a problem but it is so difficult. He lies all of the time and acts up in school... somebody please help me! I feel like I am going through depression sometimes and that is unhealthy... I have neglected my housework and chores and don't even like to go out or see anybody... How can I handle this boy? Do I send him to an inpatient behavioral/mental health school? What to do??

There are a few good books you could start with that can really help with behaviors: "The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children" by Ross Greene Ph.d. This one includes a program of sorts: Oppositional Defiant Disorder-ODD Child Behavior: End Child Defiance

You can check them out and see if either may be useful to you. Your son should be in counseling with a child psychologist who specializes in this, have you tried that? That would probably be the best avenue to help him.

There is no one answer that works for everyone. And of course problems like this will cause a parent to have depression and problems, and has to completely cause problems at home. And why for most kids I do believe a good spanking is a great thing when they are wrong but not in a case with special needs. But only you will know what can or cannot work for you

The explosive Child is an outstanding book and resource for you. I highly recommend that you get that.

Furthermore I suggest posting a schedule of daily activities in your home. For example 6am get up and get dressed 615 eat breakfast. Make the schedule interactive, by using pictures and velcro. Have your son tear off each thing as he completes it. It gives him the feeling of control. Many ODD children often explode when they feel out of control. By giving him just that control back (even a little) his behaviors may increase.

Also, it is important that you model the behavior you want your child to exhibit. If when he is out of control you respond by screaming back at him, you only fuel his behavior. Instead take a few deep breaths and respond in a calm fashion (hard I know) with an even tone. Do not use inflection in your voice. Just very quiet. This will help him calm down. Then encourage him to breath in through his nose out through his mouth. It sounds crazy but it works.

When he does explode, place him in a room where he cannot do damage to himself or others. He also needs to be seen by a child psychologist. If you can't find one with any openings for appointments, please ask your Pediatrician to help you. Child psych can help him to learn strategies to control his explosive behaviors.

It is a long process, but hang in there. Soon you will see light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to give me suggestions. They were really helpful. I will look into the book definitely, once I recover from this horrible gallbladder surgery I just had.:( The scheduling sounds great and I wanted to try that for a while but sad to say, I kind of gave up. Now, I am looking forward to trying it especially with the velcro-sounds kind of fun for both of us. I just might make one for myself too so I can get through my hectic day... I do tend to "lose it" and argue back many times since the things he says are so hard to ignore--but I am catching myself when I do this, breathe, count to 10, and proceed with speaking to him calmly. It actually works but for a little bit-hey, a little bit is a lot for me which is great. I am still actively trying to get him to see a psychiatrist and his pediatrician has given me numbers to call as well, since the one at the clinic is ALWAYS booked but nothing yet. I did receive a call from one that I got through my husband's insurance but he only had the Saturday after my surgery... bad timing huh? I will definitely get back to him though once I recover fully. It's even harder now since I am dealing with this too and am on strong pain meds. But hopefully, everything will slowly fall into place. Thank you everyone for your advice. I will let you know how it all goes...
Hopeful and Looking forward to a better tmw... :D