I have posted here before and since then things had gotten better... for awhile. Then things started to get worse and recently, he decided he wanted to end it. He wants to move out and is looking for a place. It has ended badly with name calling, hating each other and he seems to think I'm cheating on him when I can honestly say I'm not. I think we decided to see a counsellor too late in the relationship and now things have just fallen apart.

I don't know why it's affecting me right now, I've known it was coming for a long time. I still love him even though things said have tore me up inside and my brain is screaming not to stay but my heart is breaking and is saying stay. I still love him but I'm still thinking things will change but I know things won't till we separate and sort things out individually. I don't know what I'm holding onto and making myself feel like crap. He was my first boyfriend, first for everything. I don't know how I'm going to get through this, I'm scared, confused and alone.

Life is for living! You can choose to live or choose not to. The choice is yours. What we learn from our relationships and every day lives helps us in the future and makes us privy to the secrets of how to live life! If you do not learn from the past then the relationship meant nothing.

You say yourself how you both need to have time apart for now. Well this is what you must do. Doesn't mean you won't see each other again in time but for now you both need to live alone and learn to live independently. What went wrong, what went good? You will figure this out in the coming months.

1) You need to abide by no contact - Ignorance is bliss, don't go near the grape vine
2) Ever wanted to do anything like travel? Nows the time
3) Join the gym/exercise try some new sports - makes you feel much better + you meet new people and get a nice sauna if they have one
4) Sign up to some new education classes/hobbies etc
5) Meet new people
6) Get out more and party
7) Renew old social ties and spend more time with your friends and family
8) Listen to your fav music - not you and your ex fav tracks!
9) Put everything which reminds you of him in a box somewhere
10) Keep yourself busy, do not mope around
11) The best revenge towards an ex is to be happy :)

Jiser sounds great and gives good advice an he is correct. BUT its not as easy as he says, I know what your goingthrough its easy for someone to say get a hobbie do this do that, well you are probably saying to yourself but I don't and haventgot the energy to do that.

That is true find things to do like going for long walks which arnt to straining. Visiting friends can be good.

The good thing about me was I had so many hobbies and things to do before my relationship, which I kind of did less because of it. Typically gave too much of myself :( woops! But now I have all the time to do what I want :) GREAT!

Unfortunately, I don't know history of your situation, but the first love is a great life-test. If you're understanding it's a finish, don't try to build something from dust. However, six years is a long term enough... Why has it started?

My ex/fiance where together for almost 5 years and she was my first love. She broke up with me about 3 months ago and broke up with me 5 times, she was a selfish person and money hungry but I still can't get her out of my head it does get better in time. The hurt in my heart comes and goes, but she starting to drive past my house again and it makes it even harder to move forward when they play mind games with you. But give it time, TRUST me it does get better.

Hang in there. Having a partner makes us feel 'complete' in some ways but you don't NEED a partner to be able to live a happy and fullfilling life. If you truly are interested in working things out I think the 'we need to work our issues individually' statement is a mistake. There is no such thing, when you are PARTNERS with someone, as working it out individually. After 12+ years of marriage I can say my husband and I have been through many, many hard times. There were times when I woke up asking myself how I had gotten here, why am I with him, how can I want this. We work it out, together! It's hard, there's yelling, screaming, name calling and the whole nine-yards. It's rough, it sucks and sometimes it can go on for days. The end seems like it's inevitable. Then, when it's all over, we've worked it out. He's said what he has to say, no holds barred, and I've done the same. He knows what he needs to work on and so do I. Then we move forward, concentrating on what we need to do to make things better. In this life there is never any 'Happily Ever After'. Everything you want in life you have to work damn hard for, including having a relationship with that 'perfect' somebody. Someone once told me that all true love is is finding someone who's willing to put up with your crap. Not eloquent but true to the last letter. I say if he is that someone who can basically put up with your crap and vice versa then work it out. Yeah, it may suck for a little while but going through that sucky time together will help you to forge a stronger bond. Good luck!

Why is that first love so tough to get over? For one it's the first and everything you go through is new and intense and feels soooooo good you don't want to let go. You have practically no experience handling those intense emotions, so naturally you are a real wreck when it comes dealing with anything right now. Understandable, that's what we all go through. First though, you must accept that this relationship is over and give yourself a chance to grieve. Now that reality sets in, its time to focus on you and your life and what makes you happy and just go for it, looking ahead not back start to build a life that you can enjoy and be happy without the ex. Go back to friends and activities you have neglected, and find new and interesting people, places, and things as this is a big world out there. If you are one of those rare people that had a life separate from your relationship, then it will be easier, but if you were like me and built everything around the ex and have to start from scratch, then you better get busy because you have a lot of things to do, and it won't be easy at all.(See Jiser's very good list) Hey we all have to start some where, so roll up your sleeves and just dig in, and in time the emotions won't be so intense, and you will gradually feel better about yourself. Give it plenty of time and be patient as, like life you will be good some days, and just plain lousy other days, and for now, until you get healthy again, leave the ex alone, and concentrate on you. Good luck, and if you need to vent join the club, as we all come here just to scream sometime.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by scheris

I have posted here before and since then things had gotten better...for awhile. Then things started to get worse and recently, he decided he wanted to end it. He wants to move out and is looking for a place. It has ended badly with name calling, hating each other and he seems to think I'm cheating on him when I can honestly say I'm not. I think we decided to see a counsellor too late in the relationship and now things have just fallen apart.

I don't know why it's affecting me right now, I've known it was coming for a long time. I still love him even though things said have tore me up inside and my brain is screaming not to stay but my heart is breaking and is saying stay. I still love him but I'm still thinking things will change but I know things won't till we separate and sort things out individually. I don't know what I'm holding onto and making myself feel like crap. He was my first boyfriend, first for everything. I don't know how I'm gonna get through this, I'm scared, confused and alone.

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WARNING!!



ABUSIVE LONG POST DIRECTED AT ORIGINAL POSTER... feel free to remove any swearing but leave the message... she won't read it till tomorrow and I'm leaving now.




OK first of all... Im the boyfriend not the one who signed into this forum so yes I am intruding and violating privacy. Its my computer and its not all I've found on here... so quite frankly I don't give a f-c-k. The questions of fideliy are due to her ing other people... it's a fact... not a question... she paid for a hotel out of my bank account... went there and ed the person. She used her friends to lie to me.
Second, initially before I had known about this I was moving out to get my own place as we moved into her parrents house to save for our own place. 2 YEARS AGO! The total of our savings include the $5 in my pocket. She spends cash needlessly everywhere, new boots, new clothes etc. it should be known we got together before we went to uni, she dropped out and finnished a tafe dip... that was 3 years ago. I worked the entire time through uni almost full time hours with full time study. She worked her part time job. (it gets better, ps I have tears in my eyes and I can't tell whether I'm happy or really ing stupid). *breathe... continue*... I was in full time employment within 2 months, I hated it but I did it to get somewhere. She continued part time work... trying to crack into graphic design. I understood and we celebrated like mad when she got a on / off part time job in the field... mac operator rehashing adds.. so what it was her break... that was 2.5 years ago... damm close to 3... she works 1-2 days in a month... maybe. She basically has worked 3 days in as many months. I have waited.. what... 4 years working full time and overtime to get myself a decent pay etc, I'm not well off but I can say I have good prospects.. my boss is leaving an training me for his position... head of an IT dept. yay for me right... I got the... they are ing you around etc e from ja... so... to fast forward.. she doesn't do all day every day and complains at me incesantly for every little thing in her life... she doesn't have to clean the house... she doesn't even do our clothes.. lets see... she has to keep our ing room clean... tough life... to motivate her after attempting to talk to her for a long godam time... which only ever gets met with ** I'm rubbing my job in her face ** Im rubbing my money in her face ** I'm this and that... etc... oh best part... over a year ago I was crushing her dreams because I suggested she get another job doing pretty much anything she can find / get... it's not like she has to give up on her dreams... she can continue looking for antoher job etc.. Sheet its not like she has to get another job
That she can't disrespect if destiny calls... but alas... the answer was NO!. so... after passing 2nd anniversary living in her parrents house (whom I love by the way.. get along well with.. even her father warmed to me... it only took 5 years.. 1.5 under his own roof, a person who doesn't talk to anybody he isn't related to.. LITERALLY.. . I went all over the place.. OK.. back.. I want to motivate her so I say I'm moving out.. she can't come unless she gets a job.. she's welcome any time she gets one... I gave her 3 months... not exactly a impending deadline.. I could get her EASY employment answering phones in another company in 5 minutes.. but alas due to a distinct lack of any emotion on her part shown towards me ** other than her yelling at me for having a drink with my work mates after work on a Friday and getting a little to pissed, ended up stuck in the city with no trains and being literally 3 days before pay day and her buying herself some new leather boots.. low an behold no cash for a taxi... hey... hun... pick me up or else I'm sleeping in a gutter... hmmm.. nothing but scream ** anger ** if she could she probably would have smashed me about... anyway... so after this night mid early afternoon she is angry at me still and wants me to get up and go to her friends house warming... XX months after they have moved in.. . I decline but after this we are supposed to go to other friends for a birthday which I was going to... she went straigth there... It's not like I could turn around and jump in the car, she's driven it empty picking me up and due to her spending al the $$ my arse is parked @ home. So she comes back the next day... so this is when we fight and I would love to have never been here again... basically the dirty slut jumps into bed next to me... frankly these words are well deserved... smelly etc... hey she smelled on grog.. sex and sweat... >... >...



Then the next day I go to work and start looking and she is sending me mail etc trying to claim otherwise.. then I come home.. and she is dressing and leaving... "with her friends"... I fell asleep around midnight an she woke me up some time later with her shirt on backwards... dead set... she stunk on sweat an alco.. so knows but I know Im not touching this ever again.. its been a little hostile since.. I am organising to get out essentially as quickly as I can...

This is the person I have been with... how long has she been like this ? Should I get bloody tested for stds... I thought I was sleeping with 1 person... I don't even know what is going on around me... I can tell you I ing hate her...



So I go to check my email... find email to this weby... hmmm... I isn't no but me I godam cryed.. I have been the dumbest person there has ever been... I fell for it hook line an the second hook...

I'm not here to contribute... I'm here to vent my ing spleen so I don't walk outside an ing kill her... no instead I'm going to go sleep in my car... I am the most depressed I have ever been... I think more than I was then... I swear to god I don't look good atm... I went out to pcyc and stood up for as many rounds as I could... this feels worse...


This is what you did to me you cheating lying good for nothing hoore... and you came here to ask if YOU should stay with ME ?


Oh and andrew morris?

You have a 6ft angry croation coming for you... just cuase she's a little philo doesn't mean she was dating one...

Wow so seldom do we get the other side, and what a side it is. Thanks for opening our eyes. WIDE OPEN. Say good riddance and find peace now that the storm is over.

Woops!

Amen!

Dayum!

Omg!

Oh sweetie, your not alone. We are all suppose to learn from these hard times. And make you a stonger person. There are other fish in the sea. And remember if its meant to be it will happen, just not in your time. Also during this time apart focus on what could make you a better, stonger person. Pick that head up and know your worth it!

Woah...

I was going to give advice but I well yeah I'm a bit lost now lol, think I will just let sleeping dos lay and wish them both luck.. without each other

It's not often I am speechless!!

10/10


This thread wins. That is all.

This thread definitely wins! So.. where's the rebuttal from the original poster? Lol...
Not trying to start trouble or anything.. :D