Ask Me Help Desk - Is there Hope for us?

My husband have been together for 1 1/2 years married for 1. We have been physically separated for 2 months. He moved out and our lease is up on our house so I am also moving out. He has his own apartment and I am looking for my own. We talk and see each other. I have done everything, begging, writing, talking, leaving him alone for weeks and not communicating with him to give him his space. When we talk about the marriage he just rattles off allllll the bad things that happened in our marriage. Bu there was no cheating, abuse. He says I lied to him. Said I lied to him about being bi-polar (which I didn't, we just didn't have time to talk about a lot of things before we got married), said I lied about not being able to have kids (he wants children), but then I went to the Dr and found out that the operation I had years ago was not necessary and in fact I can do in-vitro just fine. He continues to tell me that if we got back together we wouldn't last 3 days before going back to the way it was. I don't necessarily want him to move back, I just want him to at least work on things with me. I'm tired of being alone and I want the attention and intimacy that comes with being married. I am ready to file a divorce because a few days ago he said again that he didn't think it is going to work out. I'm tired of waiting and I don't think he is going to change his mind.

He's also an immigrant here because we were married. I don't know if he'll be sent home if we get a divorce since we haven't been married barely a year.

I just don't know what to do. We love each other so much and we don't want to hurt each other.

Help!

It sounds to me like it could be that he married you for papers, meaning so he can get his residency and eventually citizenship. If that's the case then I would think he will never try to work things out, especially that he moved out and now has his own apartment. You should file for a divorce and move on with your life.

A lot of immigrants do get married just so they can stay so they can become citizens other wise they will get deported.

Just wanted to say, please be careful about any blanket statements made regarding immigrants... I am married to an immigrant, and it is Completely impossible for us to get him any kind of visa, green card, much less citizenship in the U.S. So in all reality there are not "a lot" of immigrants who marry to get citizenship. Also, there is a widespread rumor amongst many immigrants that even if you do marry, you must stay married for over 10 years before you can even apply for citizenship. Just thought you should know.

It does not sound like a Real Marriage... being married but not living together??

You say you did not "have the time to talk about a lot of thing before you married...."
Sorry... you married... what is there not to take time when you take something that is to be considered one of the biggest steps in a persons life??

Quote:

Originally Posted by persainpapaya

Just wanted to say, please be careful about any blanket statements made regarding immigrants... I am married to an immigrant, and it is Completely impossible for us to get him any kind of visa, green card, much less citizenship in the U.S. So in all reality there are not "a lot" of immigrants who marry to get citizenship. Also, there is a widespread rumor amongst many immigrants that even if you do marry, you must stay married for over 10 years before you can even apply for citizenship. Just thought you should know.

Persainpapaya... I am surprised to read that your husband -who is an immigrant- cannot get a green card after your marriage.
I am also an immigrant and married...
After the wedding day I filed my paperwork and after 6 months I had my Green card.
Do you have a good immigration lawyer??

Good luck !

He was approved for the green card but for whatever reason it got lost in the mail. It's just taking forever for it to get in the mail. My idea is, yeah, that's right. There are a lot of things we didn't know about each other, both ways. But as far as I was concerned, I was willing to do whatever I had to do to make the marriage work. You can't come back later and say, well I didn't know this and I didn't know that. No kidding! We both went into it with open eyes! I have a 15 year old from a previous marriage, he says he didn't know it was going to be so hard to be a step-dad..? What did you think??

It's hard for me to think it was for a green card. Especially if he is willing to separate before our 2 years is up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hockey1014

He was approved for the green card but for whatever reason it got lost in the mail. It's just taking forever for it to get in the mail. My idea is, yeah, that's right. There are a lot of things we didn't know about each other, both ways. But as far as I was concerned, I was willing to do whatever I had to do to make the marriage work. You can't come back later and say, well I didn't know this and I didn't know that. No kidding! We both went into it with open eyes! I have a 15 year old from a previous marriage, he says he didn't know it was going to be so hard to be a step-dad.?.?.? What did you think???

It's hard for me to think it was for a greencard. especially if he is willing to seperate before our 2 years is up.

He does not live with you.
What kind of marriage is this ?

You are already not living together which equals a divorced situation without the proper paperwork.

He has the green card but it's lost in the mail.

Move on.

Wake up.

Quote:

Originally Posted by persainpapaya

Just wanted to say, please be careful about any blanket statements made regarding immigrants... I am married to an immigrant, and it is Completely impossible for us to get him any kind of visa, green card, much less citizenship in the U.S. So in all reality there are not "a lot" of immigrants who marry to get citizenship. Also, there is a widespread rumor amongst many immigrants that even if you do marry, you must stay married for over 10 years before you can even apply for citizenship. Just thought you should know.

You must be living in lala land. Wake up and smell the roses!

Sometimes we find ourselves in situations that is completely out of our control, in times like that I get on my knees and sincerely pray to God, He has never fail me and He is the only one that can do things beyond our imagination.

I agree with Marily.

G-d is so good to you, He wants you to grow, mature, and learn from so many different situations. So even when things don't make sense, keep a positive attitude knowing that G-d has your best interests at heart. You don't always have to figure it out on your own, or go around living with a chip on your shoulder toward life. You can choose to trust G-d in everything, and live freely experiencing His blessing in your life!