My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years but have been together for 16 years. I've always felt we had a pretty good marriage - we talk and she has never complained about anything out of the ordinary. Apart from the usual issues all couples have... money, family, etc. we've had no major problems.

Recently she has been 'addicted' to Facebook. She signed up about 3 weeks ago and soon after her ex (her 'first sweetheart') came across her membership and requested her as a friend. She says she was so surprised she accepted him without thinking. Soon after she became a little distant and started mentioning him in her profile - adding his name in personality quizzes as the man who 'broke her heart'.

Later she mentioned he asked to 'meet her for coffee'. They haven't seen each other since we met. I was a little upset by this but certainly not angry or anything - mildly husband jealously I guess you would call it! I asked how she felt and why she accepted him and she said she was just curious about where he was in life and that was it. She said her and I have no secrets, she had no feelings for her ex, and was not going to meet him - even going so far to swear it as 'she would never do anything to hurt me'.

After knowing someone so long I cold tell there was something else going on. She said there was nothing and I was just making it up in my head.

She's not the most computer literate person so she asked me to upload an picture for her. While there I checked her Inbox (something I've done before with other accounts).

There was a long listing of emails between the two of them, including my wife saying she would really like to see him and asking to drop her a line so they could get together when he was in town. He set a date for the end of the month.

Now I am not sure what to do. I go between very angry and very tired about the whole thought of it. Should I confront her? I'd like to go that route but I know it would just turn out she would deny it - she would say she never actually meant to meet him. Do I keep an eye on things and wait until they actually set a date and see if she admits it or tries to cover it up? Confront her as she leaves for the date?

I've asked her several times if there was something going on with her and she just says I'm making it up in my head - there is nothing going on with her. I don't mind if she met him for coffee and told me about it, but so far she has outright lied and covered it up.

That's what concerns me the most - she hasn't been honest about the whole thing and acts like nothing is the matter.

Your confusion is understandable. As for myself, I would be very hurt and upset if my partner was emailing an old flame. It seems as if your wife is playing with fire. Even the most morally sound person can make a tragic mistake if placed in the right situation. Your wife is placing herself in such a situation. It would be very difficult to stand your ground with someone who "broke your heart." There would be too many emotions involved there. I feel that you should confront your wife and tell her that you are uncomfortable with this behavior, and that you want it to stop before something happens that will drive the two of you apart for the rest of your lives.

I would confront her for honesty sake.

I keep up with all my ex's and still speak to some on the phone from time to time. I have had ex's fix things in my husband's and mine home. Yes, my husband don't like it, husband jealousy, that is why I choose not to tell all sometimes. I am not trying to hide it from him, nothing is going on, but it bothers him so I don't say anything. It is easier!

I know that is probably not the right thing to do, but I spent part of my lives with this person... I am not just going to pretend they don't exsist anymore, because I am married.

I understand that you are upset and bothered by it, but I truly believe that she has tried to be honest and upfront with you and it made you only angry and jealous. A little paranoid too! Now she don't want upset you, so she doesn't say anything.

I would just talk to her about it, don't let her know you read the email!! Tell her you would like to meet the ex or something. Have dinner together. Obviously she wants to be with you or she would be somewhere else!

Oh and Facebook is surely a phase and will hopefully fade soon!!

Good Luck and God Loves You!

Maybe I am old fashioned but I believe in this... no secrets,no sxxt...
I personally believe if you have nothing to hide then why keep someone in the dark.. thats just me.
I personally don't keep in touch with my ex`s, if I wanted them in my life I guess I would still be with them, again maybe that's just me.
On the flip side, if my partner wanted to keep in touch with his ex`s I would have no problem at all with that as long as I wasn't kept in the dark about anything.
Its hard to say with your wife, I would calmly talk to her and tell her that you looked at her messages because you had an hunch, tell her that you don't appreciate being lied to, if she wants to go for coffee no big deal, the big deal is the fact that she is telling you one thing and doing the opposite.

Man, F that...

I would tell her that she was with me and that she ought not to be talking to other men who she has been with... personally there is no reason to ever talk to exes unless they have kids together... I don't go around talking to my exes and I wouldn't put up with my girlfriend talking and sneaking around with hers,

It is a no brainer, if your wife loves you then at your request she will stop going behind your back,

Bythe way it is kind of creepy going through her files and all

And to the lady that has her exes come over and fix stuff and what not, do you have any respect at all, you are bringing men with whom you have been with sexually and mentally into your husbends house, you need to check yourself..

Leave her. Seriously, get rid of this toxic person. She's deceitful and unfaithful. You deserve better for yourself than someone like that. Find your dignity and GET OUT!!