I got in touch with an ex last week after 12 months to say sorry for the way I behaved towards him. I mean't what I said also, however last night I got thinking about him and sent him a text asking if he would like to meet up for a drink and chat sometime. He replied and said "why would I want to do that". I should have realise that that statement was enough, however I texted him back and said that I would like to him, however if was with someone now or if he preferred not to meet then it was fine. I got no reply from him last night or today, and oh do I feel stupid and embarrassed. I rang him and there and left a voice message apologising for my text and stating it was best to leave things well enough alone, how stupid was that! I knew there was a chance he was going to say no but I suppose I'm just gutted that he didn't have the decency to say "look I'm not interested". The silence factor is the worst and it has made me feel that small.

As my friend said at least to had the courage to find out if there was anyhting there and you can stop wondering which she's right about.

Leave it.

He is your ex.
For a reason.

So you wanted to apologise for what happened 12 months ago.
That is 12 months... 52 weeks... 365 days...
In other words: life goes on.
His and yours.

You asked.
He said no.

No big deal.

Let it go.
Move on.

It's over.
Don't turn it into an issue if there's none.

I know you are right but I found it hard to accept that he didn't have the slightest bit of respect to respond and that's why I'm gutted. There was something about him which touched me and I cannot forget that, that's all.

Resist the urge to keep calling or texting. You just keep making yourself feel worse. Call a friend instead or go on a walk without the phone. You might consider counseling for yourself.

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Originally Posted by floor

I know you are right but I found it hard to accept that he didn't have the slightest bit of respect to respond and that's why i'm gutted. there was something about him which touched me and i cannot forget that, that's all.

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Who says he did not have the respect ?

He just said "no".

When we ask a question we can expect an answer.
Either yes.
Or no.

In your case it was "no".


That has nothing to do with lack of respect.

He has moved on and does not want to spend time with you.
Leave it.

No he showed lack of respect by never responding to my text and for that he is a coward like I always believed he was. I know that I have made a total fool of myself for this and wish I had never contacted him but just left it alone.

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Originally Posted by floor

No he showed lack of respect by never responding to my text and for that he is a coward like I always believed he was. i know that i have made a total fool of myself for this and wish i had never contacted him but just left it alone.

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Well... since you had the confirmation for yourself that he is a coward like you already thought...

You have not made a fool of yourself.
But it seems to hurt your ego and that's understandable, you may feel "rejected".
Look, things like this happen.
Accept it.

He is your EX...


Move on...
Don't be so hard on yourself.

He replied and said "why would I want to do that".

I don't see lack of respect... he answered your first text, and because it wasn't the answer you might have wanted you say this... he showed lack of respect by never responding to my text and for that he is a coward like I always believed he was...
I think it is you with the lack of respect, you sent a text, he responded with his answer and you prolongged it by calling and texting back... he is not interested judging by his REPLY to the first text.

fix-what-you-broke... you are right...

It's the rejection that he is not interested that may be harder to take.

I should have said to you that he replied with "why do i want to meet with him". The first one was a typing error. What I want from Anton is to have a chat on the phone and then and only then can I move on. Every other guy I have met has always given me the time and the courtesy to do that which has always left an amoutn of respect for each other. I want closure on this once and for all which is what I want to do with this and I acn't until I speak to him. I know I am stubborn and it appears totally wrong but this is how strongly I feel.

Gypsy do you mean it's the rejection that eh is not intersted that may be harder to take for me?

Well you did say that you called him to appologize for the way you treated him, he responded to that.
I don't think you are going to get the closure you need, it seems he has moved on and you should try to do so too.
He is obviously not going to talk to you and you need to respect that, if my ex contacted me after 12 months to appologize I don't think I would respond... you have had a whole year to do it, why do it now? Let him get on with his life.

Yes I do...

And you are still making such a big deal out of it, you turn it into an issue...

Let it go Floor...

You did not make a fool of yourself, you are incredibly stubborn...

You want things to go the way you have it in your mind.
And he does not want to have anything to do with you.

Leave it.

Life is too short.

Sometimes we have to close the book without finishing it.
And that is life.

Good luck !

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Originally Posted by fix-what-you-broke

well you did say that you called him to appologize for the way you treated him, he responded to that.
i dont think you are going to get the closure you need, it seems he has moved on and you should try to do so too.
he is obviously not going to talk to you and you need to respect that, if my ex contacted me after 12 months to appologize i dont think i would respond...you have had a whole year to do it, why do it now? let him get on with his life.

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Exactly.

12 months later and now you want closure? He's moved on and now its time for you to. He doesn't want to go down the road with you. Let it go.

Well guys an update. I decided that I could not let this go and called him and we spoke a few minutes ago. I told him how I felt about him and needed closure for and for all. He was totally blown away with what I said. He said he didn't know what to say because he has not thought about me in manay months but he did acknowledge that there was soemthing special between us when we first met which he hadn't felt with anyone before and I said that I felt the same. I told him that it took courage for me to pick this phone up to speak to him about this and that I am probably making a complete fool of myself but that I did not care I had to do this. He said that he recognises now how hard this was for me but he respected me for it. I told him that I want to see him and if we could do that and he said yes, I asked him when, and he said when are you free and I said well in about 2 weeks time because I am away with work until then and he said fine. I said to him that he will have 2 weeks to think about what I said and if he does not want to see me to please have the courtesy to let me know which he said he would. I asked him about his businees and if he had expanded it etc. He said he has but he looked forward to telling me all about this when we meet up and that was it. I thanked him for having the courtesy to listen to me because he did think I was carzy which I'm sure he does. I told my flatmate and he said wow, you did somehing amazing and should be proud what ever the outcome, which I have to say I am. If he lets me down then I know it is not me then him and only then can I move on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by floor

Well guys an update. I decided that i could not let this go and called him and we spoke a few minutes ago. i told him how i felt about him and needed closure for and for all. He was totally blown away with what i said. he said he didn't know what to say because he has not thought about me in manay months but he did acknowledge that there was soemthing special between us when we first met which he hadn't felt with anyone before and i said that i felt the same. I told him that it took courage for me to pick this phone up to speak to him about this and that I am probably amking a complete fool of myself but that i did not care i had to do this. He said that he recognises now how hard this was for me but he respected me for it. I told him that i want to see him and if we could do that and he said yes, i asked him when, and he said when are you free and I said well in about 2 weeks time because I am away with work until then and he said fine. I said to him that he will have 2 weeks to think about what i said and if he does not want to see me to please have the courtesy to let me know which he said he would. I asked him about his businees and if he had expanded it etc. He said he has but he looked forward to telling me all about this when we meet up and that was it. i thanked him for having the courtesy to listen to me because he did think i was carzy which I'm sure he does. I told my flatmate and he said wow, you did somehing amazing and should be proud what ever the outcome, which I have to say I am. if he lets me down then i know it is not me then him and only then can i move on.

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Boy... you are stubborn.

Well, good luck.

Yeah I am stubborn and now I have closure whatever the outcome, thanks gyspy because it was actually somehting you said that made me deicide that I should sort this out.

Good for you... you got what you wanted :)