Why does my husband find other woman attractive and not me?

In my mind, I think he doesn't find you attractive because you don't see yourself as attractive. YOu allow him too much control and power over yourself esteem. When he met you, he fell in love with you. He was attracted to you because you didn't question yourself or think poorly of yourself. Maybe over time you felt it was his responsibility to make you feel that way. However, you have to feel that way in order for others to see you that way. Does that make sense? Try to distance yourself a little bit from your emotions. Draw on some inner strength and give yourself time to feel good. Do something just for you and you will feel a sparkle of confidence and happiness. Try to find things to do that you are good at and that make you feel good. It doesn't matter what it is, just stop putting your worth on him as his responsibility. Guys don't want to feel responsible for your happiness. They want you to be confident and strong. It has nothing to do with beauty. Some of the most beautiful women in the world get cheated on and left. Look at Jennifer Aniston. She seemed to have it all and then bam, Angelina Jolie comes along. She may be beautiful, but it is her energy and charisma that made him fall for her. While Jen was more unsure of herself and needy. Be strong for you, not him. Don't get upset when he doesn't respond the way you need it. Get what you need from you, and your friends or people you meet. The stronger you are, his attraction will also become stronger. The answer never lies in him, it is in you. See yourself as powerful, worthy, beautiful and someone desirable. Read books, practice saying nice things to yourself in the mirror. Do whatever it takes to build you up. I cannot guarantee you can ever change someone else, but when you change the you are and the way you respond, he will be affected by that change. I believe in you!

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Originally Posted by laniha

why does my husband find other woman attractive and not me?

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Ask him...

How do you know he doesn't find you attractive?
More info would be appreciative.
Thanks

There is a poet here in Brazil who wrote on a poetry that instead of trying to attract the bees, we should take care of the garden. If you focus on how you think your husband thinks about you , you will feel negative and he is going to see it. But if you care about yourself, improve your personality, searching for personal growing and change the way you look, just to feel better about yourself you know? I really think this approach will be helpful.

As a women in this type of situation, this 'make yourself feel better and then he will come around' is helpful and apparently effective advise. My husband and I have discussed this topic at nauseum and he has expressed a similar opinion. He claims that if I exude this particular heir of confidence it would solve the problems and he would then find me more attractive and raise his desire for me. However, I have this idealized version that our being together means that he will swoop in and erase all of my shortcomings (such as needing a sexual relationship and validation that's based at least to some degree that is purely a primal physical attraction that would then organically aid in breeding incredible intimacy as well as sexual pleasure) and w/ that and other aspects we will fill the holes of each others faults naturally through the time we spend together. It is hard for me to separate my husband being attractive to me physically and being committed to me as pair that has chosen to help the other through life, which seems to always be exceedingly difficult. If I was not attractive to my husband I would feel that I have failed him and was being a bad partner. It isn't everything to be aesthetically pleasing, but it is hard to bear that he pleases you sexually, but I cannot provide the same pleasure for him enough so that he longs for my body and is disturbed by the thought of not being able to touch me or have me at a given time. I yearn for my husband's touch and have never been more hurt or felt more inadequate than when I realized he did not feel the same way about me.