I have been married to my husband for 2 years and we have a 7 month old daughter together. He is the picture perfect husband kind loving a good provider a great daddy great husband handsome witty passionate sensitive no complaints and god knows I love him so much... but lately I have been dreaming day and night about being with my husbands cousin in life and in bed.. I don't understand why yes he is good looking but this guy does not have his life together does not even fit my type of guy profile but I know he likes me too. He stares at me and kind of pushes me to do things that my husband will get upset about and I find myself wishing I had done them... I also want to add that no one knows I feel this way not the cousin or my husband but I know they both suspect. I don't want to feel this way but I feel like maybe this is just my way of destroying my own happiness.. please help.

You could have abandonment issues from your past, self esteem issues that cause you to feel you don't deserve to be happy, could be many things... or you could just be bored. You do need to try to control your thoughts. If the humdrum of every day married life has set in I would try coming up with exciting things to do with your husband. Get some hobbies to keep you from being bored. Those are such simple minded suggestions but could help none the less. If you have tried everything you can to stop and simply can't seem to I would go to a counselor and see if there isn't something more deep seeded that needs to be addressed.

I have caught myself doing the same thing! Sad isn't it! But I think it is because marriage is a long term commitment with a lot of pressures. This cousin has nothing and he also has no pressures. No commitment no worries! Just sex!

Don't do it! It is just a phase that will pass. There is a lot going on with the baby and life so you are stessed and want to temporarily escape. It isn't worth it.

Try to find more time to spend with your husband and use this sexual energy to please him. I am sure he will enjoy!

Maybe you are feeling trapped by your perfect marriage and husband, like a bird in a cage. Maybe his cousin signifies freedom from your comittments as a wife and a Mom. I sometimes feel this way too, that I miss me. I love my family as I am sure you do. But sometimes feel that it would be great to only be responsible to myself and my needs as a women. Hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by melimel8404

I have been married to my husband for 2 years and we have a 7 month old daughter together. he is the picture perfect husband kind loving a good provider a great daddy great husband handsome witty passionate sensitive no complaints and god knows i love him so much... but lately i have been dreaming day and night about being with my husbands cousin in life and in bed.. i dont understand why yes he is good looking but this guy does not have his life together does not even fit my type of guy profile but i know he likes me too. he stares at me and kind of pushes me to do things that my husband will get upset about and i find myself wishing i had done them... i also want to add that no one knows i feel this way not the cousin or my husband but i know they both suspect. i dont want to feel this way but i feel like maybe this is just my way of destroying my own happiness.. please help.

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I dream every day of rich chocolate cake and I crave it...
But I don't take it... it's a choice.

I am not making fun of you or your day dreaming...
Just trying to be realistic and tell you: count your blessings.

We can fall in love with another person, we can lust for another person.. but it's a choice what to do with it.

Up to you...

It may sound stodgy, but you need to learn and practice self control--not just your actions but your thoughts as well. Take a little time and browse the Marriage, Divorce and Relationship boards here and see how many people get into terrible situations by allowing their fantasies to run amok, and then they say "It just happened". These things do NOT "just happen", they are the result of a whole sequence of choices. Choose wisely.

This may sound old fashioned, but it's true. When you get married, you make a commitment to God, your husband and yourself. When you make a child with your husband, you make a commitment to that child. Unless your husband is abusive or cheats on you, there is a distinct obligation to stay true to your marriage and family. This means that you work hard to make your marriage work. This means you are faithful and loving. This means you are honest and committed.

Sweetie, there are LOTS of men out there that you may find yourself attracted to over the years. A teenager bounces from relationship to relationship to determine what it is they need and want from the partner they eventually choose to spend the rest of their life with. An adult recognizes that sometimes someone will enter their life and send heart thumps and make them say, "Woooooheeee! If I wasn't married..... sigh!" :) The differences is that the adult gives their head a little shake, engages in a reality check and chooses the relationship that they committed to.

Often a woman is attracted to a "bad boy" because their life is missing excitement and fun. You must learn to create your own! Next time this guy is pushing you to do something that your husband would get upset about say "Are you crazy?! My husband is the love of my life and I wouldn't do ANYTHING to jeopardize that! Don't even suggest anything like that to me again!"

If you are trying to destroy your own happiness then you must do something to improve your self-esteem. Read self-help books (free at the library), do something for others that makes you feel good inside (volunteer work with seniors or single moms maybe?), pour more of yourself into your marriage and baby girl, seek counselling, grow a garden, start a hobby... only you know what will work. Avoid your husband's cousin until you are stronger. Talk to your husband about your insecurities and fears.

It is not unusual for you to have dreams about an attractive, somewhat exciting man. Try to take the face from the man and put your own there. Label the feelings that the man/you are experiencing in the dream. This can be an insightful way of helping you to identify what inner feelings might be causing these dreams. You will get through this as long as you remain focused and true.

I hope this helps a bit.

Hugs, Didi

Hi, Im a married woman and also understand how you feel about being flirty discussions with a male colleague (single) thouhg. And have not acted on temptation but the lust is there and its hard. Sounds like you are in a really difficult situation but at the end of day, you may be hurt if he doesn't want to continue with you and certainly your husband will be hurting.
Depends how further you want to go with it before you regret the path/choice you make ? Lie longer to husband or continue to have sex with a guy that may not want to hurt his partner by hiding your affair/... clearly you both are out of sync at the moment because he doesn't want to talk to you about it and just wants /.. the physical side.

Is that enough for you?

I wouldn't want to hurt my husband he is the best man in the world, and there may always be temptations but I suppose marriage is a work in progress need to continue to commit to work on it? Whereas you might not get that with your colleague there...

I think that you should consider that lots of married women feel torn like they are trying to self destruct on their own perfect marriage . I think I am too sometimes. I suppose the grass always looks greener on the other side. Being with the cousin might find that there is no better man than your husband...

Use time on your hands to work on your marriage, see if the lust wears off and then you know if you have made the right decision.
If your husband suspects that is a little sadd because he is leaving you to make the choice...

Lust clouds our long term happiness methinks.. its hard as we want to be desirable as wives and find the attention flattering but I think it just is a fantasy that we need to work hard at getting rid off by perving at other man than just that one or focus on some of the cousins negatives and think if to live with him how awful it would be compared to your happy life with your husband.

Try spicing up your sex life... may work