Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend's ex

My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile, but about a year ago we split up well while we were apart he was with another girl and they slept together a few times well we got back together and then I found out about her and she tells me she is pregnant and she don't want the baby. She wants to give the baby up for adoption and wants me to adopt the baby. I have 3 kids from my last relationship and can't have anymore kids. I would love to have kids with the man I'm with now so I told her yes. What legal way can we go about this because I don't want her to come sometime down the road and take the baby from us. Also I feel if we are going to do this then it has to be like that baby is really his and mine so if we end up splitting up I still would want the baby because I know I would be better of a parent for the baby. Only because I've raised my three by myself and I have responsibilities and he won't if we are not together. He is a awesome man to be a dad he's great with my kids, but as a single dad no. Does this makes sense or am I being a little obsessed with it.

I would get an attorney and legally adopt this child. I would do it as a closed adoption - it sounds like you would not want this woman to be able to see this child whenever. If that isn't the case - then you could do an open adoption.
But, I would definitely go through an attorney to adopt.

Unless you want to do a homestudy (have social workers research you and do criminal checks etc) and do a single parent adoption, which would sever the father's rights as well, you two need to be married, then do a stepparent adoption. I am pretty sure all states require marriage for one parent only to adopt, but check with a family law attorney in your area... some do free consultations. I don't think there are any other legal means, but states vary.

In a stepparent adoption, the bio-mother would relinquish her rights, then you would petition the court for an adoption. If you do that you and he will both be the legal parents, with all rights and responsibilities and you would then be the legal mother in the case of divorce and subject to standard custody and child support arrangements.

A lawyer is what you need to answer your questions. Find one with a free consultation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

A lawyer is what you need to answer your questions. Find one with a free consultation.

Yes I agree but I was just some easy way around all of that there is no way to do this out of court and lawyers? I was hoping someone could tell me that no big deal its very easy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by leggsolong

yes I agree but I was just some easy way around all of that there is no way to do this out of court and lawyers? I was hoping someone could tell me that no big deal its very easy.

The law doesn't make it "easy" to transfer, accept, or relinquish parental rights for very good reason... the well being of children. There are too many people who would make choices that affect innocent kids on whims, impulse, or without thought of all consequences and ramifications of those decisions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by leggsolong

My boyfriend and I have been together for awhile, but about a year ago we split up well while we were apart he was with another girl and they slept together a few times well we got back together and then I found out about her and she tells me she is pregnant and she dont want the baby. She wants to give the baby up for adoption and wants me to adopt the baby. I have 3 kids from my last relationship and can't have anymore kids. I would love to have kids with the man im with now so I told her yes. What legal way can we go about this because I dont want her to come sometime down the road and take the baby from us. Also I feel if we are going to do this then it has to be like that baby is really his and mine so if we end up splitting up I still would want the baby because I know I would be better of a parent for the baby. Only because i've raised my three by myself and I have responsibilities and he wont if we are not together. He is a awesome man to be a dad he's great with my kids, but as a single dad no. Does this makes sense or am I being a little obsessed with it.

I would seriously consider what you are saying right now. Get some legal advice and some counseling. Adopting a child when both parents are involved is a great thing, but you even said yourself if you guys aren't together, he wouldn't be a good single dad, and considering this is something that he did. I just think he needs to take responsibility for the situation and not so much you.