STRANGERS
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the
stranger
turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go
quicker if
you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly
and
said to
the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"
Oh, I don't know", said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"
OK," she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But ;let me
ask
you
a
question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same
stuff. Yet a
deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
and
a horse
produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"
The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea,"
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to
discuss
nuclear power when you don't know shyt?
Changing a Light Bulb
Q. How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Q. How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None. They just sit there in the dark and complain.
Organized Crime
No matter how much the government fights it, organized crime just seems to get more organized every day. The police pulled in a Mob kingpin recently and reminded him he had the right to make a phone call.
"Just fax the arrest report to my lawyer," the mobster said calmly.
What Sound
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo'."
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow'."
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa'."
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh... it goes... 'click'!"
For The Kids...
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
Monkfish!
What bit of fish doesn't make sense?
The piece of cod that passeth all understanding!
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?
A fish tank!
What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish?
Tsardines!
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
I wanna hold you hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!
