I am a new father who is going through a nasty custody dispute. I have a beautiful baby girl who the mother does not want me to have any contact with. I really don't know her reasons or motivations all I know is two weeks after she was born we got into a fight and she went behind my back filed for emergency custody. She did this while postpartum and she made many false accusations about myself and my family. I spent the better part of three months not able to see my daugther before the court decided that 4 hrs a week would be suffice since it was not important for my daugther to see me being that she was that young. Well I was upset by this but her mother was even more upset that I got anytime with her. So the next 3 months she followed me around and tried to harass me on my 4 hrs. On top of that she told me my child was very sick but would not tell me what's wrong or where the doctor she was taking her to. Every time I called she scream I didn't love my child and hang up and it would take 3 or 4 phone calls to get anything out of her. She also tried to call the police when I went to pick the baby up and say I was harassing her. Well fast forward to a week before our next trial and she tried to get domestic violence charges on me and when that fell through she took the phone calls I had made the last 6 months and said that I had been harassing her. I since then went to court won 3 days a week for 6 hrs and every other weekend. This was based on the fact that I had gone out and took parenting classes and because she alleged I was crazy and stalking her I found a therpicist to see every other week. I got certified and child infant care and had a home inspection done of my home. She also made such a fool of her self in court that they ordered a psychological evaluation. The aftermath of that was now that I got the child more often she so far alleged that I overdosed her on her medicine which I disproved an now is alleging child endangerment and child abuse. The babysitter can contest that but I am curious what I should do to get her to stop making all these false accusations. As of now when the baby is not in my care I don't know what's going on the mother moved her out to the biggest crackhead neighbor but keeps claiming my house is dangerous because I have dogs. She also has a mental history which includes trying to kill herself which I can't get brought into court. Please anybody with advice please help me I love my little girl and I don't want to lose her over these allegations.

As I see it, this woman is showing more and more that she is unstable and you are showing your stability and love for this child. I commend you for taking parenting classes, seeing a therapist, having the home inspection done, etc. You are a good dad. I don't understand what her motives are, but I wonder if you have ever had a paternity test done. Is it possible that this child isn't yours and that is why she is going to these extremes?

I presume that you have a lawyer, but if you don't I really think that you need to speak with one. You are really going to have to tread lightly here and watch your back at every turn. I am wondering if a mediator might be useful, to help coach this woman that your little girl will benefit from the love and care of both parents.

It's heartbreaking that you are doing everything that you can to maintain a good relationship with your child and having to deal with this. I feel for you... but even more, I feel for your little girl, for she is being caught in the middle.

I really think that you need a great lawyer, even if it costs you a lot of money. In the long run it will save you money, and possibly it will save your child. I hope that this all works out for the baby. If you aren't abusive or dangerous in any way then you shouldn't be prevented from seeing your little girl.

Warm hugs,

Didi

It's obvious that you are doing everything you can to show that you are in fact a fit parent who wants an active role in his child's life. Good for you. Since I have been through similar situations and have a bit of knowledge on how courts view things I want to give you just a few pieces of advice. First off... document everything. Get a book, write down every contact you have with the mother, document her statements, behavior, who she is with, etc. This is not something you should tell her your doing... but instead just keep track of what is going on when she has your child. See if the judge will allow you the information of who the pediatrician/babysitter is for the baby. Talk to any care providers, keep the lines of communication open, be aware of every aspect of the baby's life you can be... These things show you care about your child and document the treatment the baby gets while in mom's care. You may not be able to use these papers for some time... keep them anyway. The next thing is to be aware that you can only control YOUR behavior. If the mom is acting erratically, calling you to harass you, trying to bait you into arguments... don't react. Walk away from her conflict. You cannot change HER behavior but you can show the courts that you refuse to act so immaturely. This is of course easier said than done however it will give you the biggest reward. One of the hardest things you will need to do is to accept that you cannot know, control what happens when your not with your child. It hurts and is tremendously scary however until/unless the mom does something wrong regarding the baby you will not know everything about your child's life. That's part of two parents not being married and sharing parenting. Of course it's not fair and may be ethically wrong however it's a simple fact. Focus on what you can do to create the most stable, loving environment for your daughter while you have her and for her future. Don't sink to the mom's level of name calling, manipulation, etc. So far your doing what you should do as a new dad. Try and focus on your daughter not her mother. Don't keep calling asking about the baby... it's only giving her power. Ask the judge to appoint a third party you can get information from so you and the mom don't have to speak so frequently. Take away the power you've given her. And take care of the most precious thing in your life. Your new daughter. Congratulations on fatherhood. You have many wonderful, happy, challenging times ahead. Cathy

Wow, you are a wonderful father! Congrats to you! I know exactly what you are talking about because my husband is going through the same thing. You should tell her that if she keeps making false accusations, you can sue her for defamation of character. You can give her a taste of her own medicine. I swear I hate how baby's mama drama are always so toxic especially to the nicest father. I wish you well.

What state is this in ? You really need a lawyer at this time because this is a classic case of parental alienation. To protect yourself there are things you can get done by court order. Like being notified of doctor appointments and who the doctors are etc. What legal custody do you have of your child ? In general courts usually split the legal time 50 / 50 and the physical time to a much different percentage. Another thing you can do to protect yourself is don't answer the phone if she calls and let the answering machine get it. Get the tape kind so you can save them. Another thing to ask the courts for is for everything to be in writing ( its called a business relationship ) so instead of her saying that she said something to you there is a basis for proof. Did the courts seal her evaluation ? You may have access to it. With a good lawyer you might get full custody if she continues to stray from the path. Your doing good so keep going.

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