There's this guy in work I really like him and he really likes me (apparently) we have been flirting on an off for 10 months now, but we both know we can't really be together unless he changes some of his ways. I am a little younger than he is, but I honestly get the impression from what he tells me, the fact he is still after me 10 months down the line, the ways he acts with me and texts he sends me that he does genuinely like me, but WHY would he get on so well with my best mate? It makes me jealous even though people have told me that she isn't his type, but I can't help but feel jealous as my best mate is a pure stunner! Do you think he is playing games?

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Originally Posted by jealousbeeeatch

theres this guy in work i really like him and he really likes me (apparently) we have been flirting on an off for 10 months now, but we both know we can't really be together unless he changes some of his ways. i am a little younger than he is, but i honestly get the impression from what he tells me, the fact he is still after me 10 months down the line, the ways he acts with me and texts he sends me that he does genuinely like me, but WHY would he get on so well with my best mate? it makes me jealous even though people have told me that she isnt his type, but i can't help but feel jealous as my best mate is a pure stunner! do you think he is playing games?

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What do you mean they get along so well? Do they date? Go out together? Just flirt? Because he is single right now correct? I would take him off his pedastool a little bit. You know there are things he needs to change, and after 10 months he hasn't right? Id like a man I want to not be interested in anyone else. Not even a little bit. If he hasn't done anything to make things work with you by now I say move on. Run! He sounds like he has given YOU no REASOn to trust him! You should be jealous! If he really like you and only you hed make sure you knew! Trust me men like to mark their territory.

If he don't change his ways for you than he isn't worth it. The guy I have right now has given up smoking and drinking for me and he has went back to college. You want a guy you can wrap around your fingers and get to do anything for you, not a dog that's going to cheat.

I don't see the guy as cheating, he's single, and just because he is flirting with the poster it doesn't mean he wants a life time commitment with her, in my eyes, if you are single you can pretty much do what you want as long as you are not hurting anyone. Anyway, why should he make the first move? If the poster likes him so much why not ask him out?
You could try asking him for a coffee to see where it goes.
The post above mine got me thinking, and to me the statement that men should be wrapped around your finger is insulting,, and I'm a woman! Men arnt puppets on a string, if you didn't like people smoking, you shuldnt have got together with a smoker,you have to take people as they come, you can't changed everything about them to make you happy.. how happy will they be in the long run?
Anyway getting back to orig question, I would simply ask him outright, just say, I have had my eye on you for a long time, and you seem to feel the same, but I have noticed you seem close to my friend and I don't want to step on anyone's toes..

I agree if she likes him she should ask him out and I didn't mean wrap around your finger to be insulting, I just meant that if you like him and get together with him if he love you enough he won't continue to act lik a single man. I believe if a guy cheats you should dump him, onhce a cheater always a cheater.
And I am asthmatic the guy I am dating loves me enough that he chose smoking over continuing our dates in the local hospital.

And besides smoking is harmful and can cause people who do it and even those who don't to become sick. He will be healthier in the long run and I'm not only happy he is as well..

Why are you even jealous when your not even going out with the guy. That is confusing to me, obviously you like him. Instead of dragging it on like this. Why not make a decision to officially see each other. Or not. Then drop it and no more flirting.

Best of luck.

Joe

Girl what you need to do is don't show him that you are not jealouse... I mean I use to be the same way until he started to take serious advantage of it then I started acting like I didn't care... you should just act like without him you can find soooo much better so don't put yourself any lower than he is and things would just be fine... TRUST ME...

Hey guys, sorry I forgot my password so registered again...

Thanks for getting back, it seems like I still have a little explaining to do:

Firstly he doesn't necessarily flirt with my mate, the get on well, which is why I said am I just being jealous? I don't know what happens when they are alone on the shop floor, but whenever I am there to he still seems to make me feel wanted, like he will always look at me a lot more, make eye contact with me, stare at me, be stood close to me (sometimes almost touching me)

I think I possibly phrased it all wrong in the last post, but really what I was trying to find out was whether there is a reason why someone you like and they like you might try to get in and be friendly with your mates?

I think I just get too paranoid, because whoever he is with be it male or female he will always make the most eye contact with me and be stodd closest to me.

Also as for the changes.. he only really found out I liked him 2 months ago and in the past 2 months he has made significant changes e.g he is becoming less cocky (despite the fact that was his jokey personality anyway), he has also quit the weed and is slowly but surely cutting the smoking out too. Although I hate smoking and drugs I still like him for who he is, so it doesn't bother me, it just causes tension around my parents who disagree with the things he does, but somewhat believe that people like that can never change?

Does anyone have any advice how I could influence my parents to believe that people can change if there is really going to be something between us, which I think we both want. I know I think about him constantly and I hate it when a day goes by where we don't speak like at the moment we speak less, because I am beginning to wonder if he is getting over me, because I have held on to the flirting/dating for so long... argh ill be quiet now I am showing my confusion and thinking processes a little too much now!

I wouldn't worry too much about it if he's making some changes to fit into your life. Maybe you should ask him if he wants to catch a movie or go get a drink just to show him that you're still interested. And if he's trying to get in with your friends especially your best friends than he's just trying to show interest in your life style.

I know how you feel BELIEVE ME! It's a horrible thought, but I do honestly think it because one of a few reasons:

1. he could be trying to get in with your mates, to show interest... genuinely without trying to cause harm or damage

2. if you are anything like me, I have had a rocky relationship/friendship and therefore he could be doing it to make you jealous and want him even more (this could either be out of spite, or just genuinely without realising)

3. it could be pay back time, you may have other lad mates within work that you talk to etc so he could be living up to your standards. He could feel the same about you and another guy (put yourself in his shoes, try and see his perspective)

4. I know the lad I like has many girl mates, as I have no self esteem what so ever I often think argh well has he moved on as she is prettier than me, or she is more friendly or whatever (but that is just shallow) as deep down he still makes it perfectly clear he likes me (watch his actions, if you are stood is a large group of people, who does he make most eye contact with, hold their gaze, smile at etc etc?) if its you then thise is all signs that he still likes you, even if he does have girl mates. My lads bets mate is a girl and I have heard rumours they slept together (I don't suppose ill ever know the truth, but if you can't trust your lad then what's the point of wanting a r'ship you have to think would it really work?)

I know jealousy is a big thing, but if you anything like me, I think you are porbs worrying too much, its probs one of them reasons above. And if deep down he still into you then he is still into you if he fancied your mate then he would do the same things to her and back off you, if that was the case.. DITCH HIM as he is not worth it, what type of a lad is he if he likes you best mate after making it clear for ages he likes you... usually a sign of a player or a guy that wants SEX