One of my bridesmaids (my fiance's brother fiance) phoned and told my fiancé that she didn't want to be in the wedding party anymore. I tried to call her myself to discuss why she is quitting (it is 3 months before the wedding and I asked her over a year ago to be in the wedding, it took 4 months to get the dresses in so I can't replace her since I don't know anyone else who is here size that can do it) and she won't return my phone calls. I am truly hurt by her doing this to us, she is suppose to be my sister-in-law one day, and she backs out so close to the wedding. I don't want her there on our wedding day and neither does my fiancé. We think what she did was incredibly mean, and with she gave a pretty lame excuse (she couldn't afford the dress, but trust me she has the money!)

Do I have to have her there and if not, what is the best way to go about uninviting her? Seeing her on my wedding day will devastate me because I am truly upset with her and never want to see/talk to her again. Please I need help on how to handle this siduation!

Thanks

Her reasoning seems pretty lame are you sure there is nothing else that makes her want to pull away from the wedding party, what does your brother say?

I feel your pain on this one. I have an evil soon to be sister-in-law as well... lol. I don't want to have her at my wedding either but my soon to be husband is saying we have to. Here is the way I look at it and this is not the proper wedding etiquette I am sorry. If you and your soon to be husband are paying for the wedding than I say it is ultimately your decision as to have her at your wedding or not. If both parents are paying for the wedding than you may face some opposition possibly from your husbands parents.

In the nice world people would tell you to be the better person but honestly honey its your day to shine like a queen. If you don't want her there than tell her that due to her hurtful actions and the obvious bind that she has put the both of you in by altering the wedding party that it is preferred on your special day that she not be present. I would think though that if she showed up she would have a lot of nerve but hey you never know.

Did anyone offer to pay for the dress so that she could still participate in the ceremony? I am beginning to think that aside from the financial excuse of the dress that there is something else going on. Good luck with the situation and do not let this ruin your magical day!

Sincerely,
Adoredevotion

If she doesn't have the respect to even answer the phone to you, first I would talk to your brother in a casual way and let him know how much it has hurt you, depending on the outcome of that I would take it from there.
Otherwise, seeing as she won't answer your calls, send out a short letter simply saying thank you for the way she went about this, and that you would appreciate it if she wouldn't make an apperence, as she doesn't have the decensy to even talk to you, its your big day you don't need other peoples drama.

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Originally Posted by Hopalot

One of my bridesmaids (my fiance's brother fiance) phoned and told my fiance that she didn't want to be in the wedding party anymore. I tried to call her myself to discuss why she is quitting (it is 3 months before the wedding and I asked her over a year ago to be in the wedding, it took 4 months to get the dresses in so I can't replace her since I dont know anyone else who is here size that can do it) and she wont return my phone calls. I am truly hurt by her doing this to us, she is suppose to be my sister-in-law one day, and she backs out so close to the wedding. I don't want her there on our wedding day and neither does my fiance. We think what she did was incredibly mean, and with she gave a pretty lame excuse (she couldn't afford the dress, but trust me she has the money!)

Do I have to have her there and if not, what is the best way to go about uninviting her? Seeing her on my wedding day will devastate me because I am truly upset with her and never want to see/talk to her again. Please I need help on how to handle this siduation!

Thanks

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You know... it's rude what she did.

But ask yourself this.. would you like to have a person there who has caught so much stress on what is supposed to be for you and your fiancée one of the nicest days of your life ?

Would you really like her around with that bad energy ?

It's your day...
A bridesmaid more or less.. if less means you will have a nicer day, who cares ?
It's about the fact that you and your fiancée are getting married, one of the biggests decisions in life...

Don't let this ruin your day...

Focus on what is important... the real thing between you and your fiancée.

Please please take it from me (I got married one month ago on May 27th) - you are SO SO lucky that you KNOW she doesn't want to be in the wedding!! Do what I did - write a letter saying how horrible she is, and EXACTLY why you don't want her in your wedding, then DO NOT SEND IT. Instead, send an email (a la "Miss Manners") saying how honored you are that she wanted to be a Bridesmaid in your wedding, but that you realize that she may have taken on more of a burden than she bargained for, and that you would be so relieved if she attended your wedding relaxed and happy as a guest, rather than as a bridesmaid. If she actually said she doesn't like being your bridesmaid, then she'll be grateful. Email is normally tacky, but if she won't communicate with you otherwise, then that's what you have to do. Your wedding day is too important and you WILL need help in all sorts of ways you wouldn't expect - to have anyone at your side who you don't feel comfortable with. As for the bridesmaid dress - don't worry about it - just pay for it, and have it altered to fit YOU! I'm sure you picked out something beautiful, and you may just want to wear it out for an evening with your husband on your first anniversary. (You can't exactly wear your wedding dress out on that night now, can you?) Pay her for it. If she takes the money and gives back the dress, great. If she doesn't give back the dress - bummer, but OK. I had to "de-invite" a bridesmaid, also for not talking to me for a month WHILE planning a bridal shower with MY friends at a freakin' bar on a weeknight in a bit city (and I don't have a car to get there... ) because it suited HER "study schedule." The woman is 45 years old, works and studies part-time, and very resentful that I got married. I had the bridesmaid dress in our (my and my fiance's home), and when I de-invited her, I tried to give her a check. She refuse the check, and sent a police officer to our house to "retrieve her stolen property." I gave the dress to a new bridesmaid who was WONDERFUL, and have since found out that the nightmare bridesmaid is now taking me to court for "not paying". Basically, she just wanted to sabotage my wedding. The court date is coming up this July 11th! So - DO NOT worry about the dress! Just pay her for it and get her out of your wedding before it's too late!! Be grateful that you will have YOUR wedding YOUR way, and have one of the groomsmen escort two bridesmaids - they represent your loved friends - they do not have to be coupled up! If you want some cheering up, check out my bridesmaid jokes on craigslist.com/ Rants and Raves / Re: Nightmare ex-bridesmaid / June 27, 2007 (exactly ONE MONTH after our wedding date!). Many blessings upon your marriage, and every happiness in the world to you! - Sofia