Well I dated my ex girlfriend for 4 months
I am 15 years old

I've dated 7 other girls total before her

I honestly love her a lot
I've been cheated on 4 times not by her but by other girls

I honestly do believe she is the one

I still do not know the reason why she left
She told me one day that it was over
Then a couple weeks later I asked her about it and she just says
I don't feel the same anymore

And I can accept that..
I just don't know why I like her so much

I shared so many memories with her
I can't stop reading old valentines day cards and love notes she has written me
Saying ill never hurt you etc
Each word I read is harder for me

Any help is thankful :confused:

This may be obsession, consider your ways carefully.

I'd say the first step is to stop reading the old cards and notes. That's not going to help you at all at this point.

You said that you've accepted the fact that she doesn't feel the same anymore, so living in the past isn't going to help you. Its time for you to get busy and try to move on and rediscover the single life that you had before you met her.

You may read the cards again someday, but for now, box everything up that reminds you of your life with her. You need some space to realize what is happening, and dwelling on the past is NOT going to help you.

She says she wants to be bestfriends with me..
But that snot what I want..
I have too much emotional attatchment to her..
I don't know what to do

Chuff's handy "Get Over the ex Guide."

I'd recommend making a list of things that you want to do in the short term only. Hang that list up so that you see it when you go to sleep and when you wake up and start working on those things. The more you focus on those things the better you'll start to feel and less you'll think of the ex.

I also recommend that if you don't have a gym membership you get one. Working out is a great way to get out of the house but also make yourself feel better. Get on a elliptical or stairmaster and just go for 10 or 15 minutes. Get off and rest and then do it again for another 10 or 15 minutes. I promise you, you won't be thinking about anything else other than what your doing. Plus it's healthy for you. Even if you don't get a gym membership take a walk, and go for long ones if you have the time. It gets you out the house, clears you head, and makes is healthy for you. If you have something else you like that's physical do that. Anything that creates motion in your body is good for you.

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Originally Posted by izkylee

she says she wants to be bestfriends with me..
but that snot what i want..
i have to much emotional attatchment to her..
i dont know what to do

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Your seen in her eyes as a friend. Combined with the fact 4 other girls cheated on you I can only assume you are much like me, a pretty emotional person. The problem is when you start relating to woman emotionally, they see you just as they see every other woman... a woman, or in your case a safe friend. In other words your making them so comfortable that they have no interest because they can have you at a moments notice which is not what women want. They want to work for you and they want to know that if they have a guy he's not going to act like all there girlfriends act.

We live in a world where they guy your acting like, and was taught to act like always gets the girl in the end of the movie or TV show. We see that stuff enough times and we believe it. But in real life being the emotional guy does not keep the women interested. What you have to do is first and foremost back away from this woman and secondly you must work (and trust me, this will be work) at not being overly emotional. If you feel like your going to get that way get away from the women. I'm not saying it's right but I am saying it's reality.

Also, at 15 I can assure you that many other women will come into your life and in due time your emotions will die down for this one. Just learn from it so that you don't keep repeating the mistakes over and over.

So basically I should hide my emotions from her?

And back off a while or what

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Originally Posted by izkylee

so basically i should hide my emotions from her?

and back off a while or what

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Yes on both accounts. I think the best analogy I heard about how woman and men interact is like a large rock in the shore of the ocean. You as a man need to be like the rock, solid, still, hard if not impossible to move. The woman will be like water coming in and going out. By that I mean she's going to seem interested then not interested and back and forth. What most guys do is when the woman pulls away emotionally they suddenly get nervous and start moving towards her and express themselves emotionally. That is what most men are taught, and that is exactly what happens in the movies and that is exactly the opposite of what you should do in real life.

Women want the rock, solid and secure, but if they pull away and you start chasing them then your just like them, your soft, or desperate, or just like their girlfriends. If you act just like the rest of the friends you will be treated just like the friend.

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling the way that you do. I am sure you are very hurt by all of this. You seemed to be very good at showing your feelings, and sometimes that can be a good thing, and other times it kind of puts you out there to get hurt. Find something else to do with your time for a while. From the way that you wrote your above question, and the fact that you are interested in reading cards, etc. it sounds like you may spend some time trying to write. You could do this in the form of a poem, songs, poetry, and it will be a great way to express your feelings. You don't have to write these things for her, but write them for yourself, to take your mind off things. Just a suggestion.

Agree with Chuff in his above statements. Unfortunately the reality of the world is not the same as we think. Our ignorance in first time relationships for they will make us hurt. You give them everything and you will end up with nothing. Have a life, be unavailable at times and they will love you for it.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Your seen in her eyes as a friend. Combined with the fact 4 other girls cheated on you I can only assume you are much like me, a pretty emotional person. The problem is when you start relating to woman emotionally, they see you just as they see every other woman......a woman, or in your case a safe friend. In other words your making them so comfortable that they have no interest because they can have you at a moments notice which is not what women want. They want to work for you and they want to know that if they have a guy he's not going to act like all there girlfriends act.

We live in a world where they guy your acting like, and was taught to act like always gets the girl in the end of the movie or tv show. We see that stuff enough times and we believe it. But in real life being the emotional guy does not keep the women interested. What you have to do is first and foremost back away from this woman and secondly you must work (and trust me, this will be work) at not being overly emotional. If you feel like your going to get that way get away from the women. I'm not saying it's right but I am saying it's reality.

Also, at 15 I can assure you that many other women will come into your life and in due time your emotions will die down for this one. Just learn from it so that you don't keep repeating the mistakes over and over.

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Thanks for all the help
One more question I promise :]

Lets just say I do want her back.. like really bad
Your saying the best way is to back off for a while or hmm..
I just need some clarification

Back off, give space, do not be clingy/needy, you look a great deal more attractive when you can be seen as being independent, busy and happy :)

Concentrate on your life NOT HerS and find a passion.

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Originally Posted by izkylee

thx for all the help
one more question i promise :]

lets just say i do want her back.. like really bad
your saying the best way is to back off for a while or hmm..
i just need some clarification

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Women want the guy they can NOT have. So if you want her you need to not be around so much, in fact perhaps not at a all for a few months. Then when you see her again be short and excuse yourself not talking for long periods. Trust me, if you believe nothing else I say women have different personalities but they all the same traits. When you hear people say women are emotional what they mean by that is not that they like men who are emotional but rather they use and understand emtions 100 times better then men. They judge a men based on emotional strength and if your reading her cards and telling her that you miss her or worse yet not doing any of that but acting overly emotional like that around her she can see that much better then we can.

If something happens to women they turn to other women and get all their issues out. If something happens to us we can't turn to other guys because we usually make fun of a guy for being overly emotional and we can't turn to the woman because she sees it as weak. That's why I said, if you start to get to emotional leave the situation. Don't let her see that or she's going to take advantage of it, or at the very least judge it because she can read emotions 100 times better then you can.

So you show her that your in control of your emotions not by telling her because words are cheap. Action is how women judge you in the long term. That is how women judge emotional strength through your actions so to show her your emotionally strong you back off and show her you DON'T need her. I realize this goes against your logical thoughts but men judge and think logically while women judge and think emotionally. The problem comes when men like you and I are also emotional and we have it implanted in our heads from an early age that women are emotional so we as men logically assume that relating to women through emotional means will win them over. Then it chases them away and were left wondering " just happened" or "Why would she not like me but like this guy that's going to treat her like dirt?" Now if you can learn this stuff now you might not be a complete fool like me and not figure it out until I was in my late 20's. By that I mean you'll probably have some break ups but if you can learn what's going on you'll won't suffer the same kind of thing over and over because your behavior didn't change, which it does sound like you were doing there for awhile.

No one can know if she will ever come back, but for sure if you chase and beg she will run, and you will feel very bad. Back off and let those intense feelings cool off and get your life you had before her take up your time. If you act like a friend, that's the way she will treat you, and you can forget the romance after that. At 15 you have had a taste of those strong feelings and you will feel that way again, we all do, so accept that this is over and look to what else life brings.

Perfect advice from Chuff +Tali. Its so strange to actually understand these things stated above and its great to have that knowledge. You must learn it as soon as possible.

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Originally Posted by Jiser

Perfect advice from Chuff +Tali. Its so strange to actually understand these things stated above and its great to have that knowledge. You must learn it as soon as possible.

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I had to spread it but I agree. If only I had someone explain this stuff to me, earlier in life it would have lead to a lot less pain along the way. But looking back and learning from some of my own actions it makes perfect sense. Hopefully this young man can do the same now so he avoids the pitfalls along the way or they are at least not repeated time and again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by chuff

I had to spread it but I agree. If only I had someone explain this stuff to me, earlier in life it would have lead to a lot less pain along the way. But looking back and learning from some of my own actions it makes perfect sense. Hopefully this young man can do the same now so he avoids the pitfalls along the way or they are at least not repeated time and again.

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Thanks for everytihng man
This will be day number 5 I haven't talked to her
She's been trying to instant message me and stuff
But I haven't repsonded
I simply had an away message on the whole time
Do I respond etc..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by izkylee

thx for everytihng man
this will be day number 5 i havent talked to her
shes been trying to instant message me and stuff
but i havent repsonded
i simply had an away message on the whole time
do i respond etc..

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Well look at that. It's working. You pulled back and she came in. I'd still ignore her for another week or so and just continue to monitor what she does. If she tries to contact your fine, she might even give up for a bit but then try again after some time. For now, your proving to her that your stronger then she gave you credit for. Keep doing your own thing for now.

She broke up with you with no explanation other than, her feelings have changed. So she really has nothing to talk about. You are not a yoyo for this female despite that you care a lot about her. Give yourself as much time as you need to feel better before you retun any contact. This is not about what she feels any longer, its about how you feel. Never forget that love doesn't mean putting some one else's needs above yours. In another week you will see her in a different light, a more realistic light.

Now I get more bad news..
I find out
She's been liking my best friend..
What do I do in this situation

Everything seems to be spiraling down