My life was so messed up. I came from a broken family. My mom work as an entertainer in Japan.She had an American fiancée and left after she got pregnant. She doesn't know how to work here that's why she sell all her inverstment to continue my 1 year in high school and for us to survive. After graduation I realized I can't take this kind of life. I really want to study college that time but I have to give up my younger age to earn money. I worked in clubs to entertain old dirty man. But I never had sex with them. I was 17 that time. Until I met this guy which my friend ex boy friend who help me to send in college. He gave me allowance and everything that I need in school. I have to pay it back so in a matter of gratitude I have to sex with him every time he went back in my country because he worked abroad. He doesn't know that I have a living partner before. This living partner of mine got me pregnant and he insisted to have an abortion. I followed him since we were young that time I was only 19. After 3 years being together I found out that he was in love with his friend. I can't take all the physical and emotional abuse that he caused me so I decided to move on. I don't understand him he kept on telling that I'm the only person that he loves but he can't leave the girl beacause he don't want the girl to be hurt. --WHy he was hurting me anyway?
I entered a new relationship which I thought things will be different and good. He's from a different culture, VP of my company. Were living together for 5months. But he was so weird in sex. He likes watching porno everyday, smoking weeds after work. I'm tired but I can't let go. I know he doesn't love he just like me. I'm so depressed and confused right now. I hate my life. I want to blame my mom my dad why I had this kind of life right now. I didn't even enjoy my teenage life. I sacrificed a lot for them. I used my young body to earn money and to survive. It seems my mom was depending on me financially. I have to earn money to send my sister in school and support them. I don't know what else to do. I want to change my life. I'm tired of being like this. Doing things that I don't want to do for other people. Sometimes I want to commit suicide to finish this monster in my mind. I'm stress! Helpless! Being abused and used! I don't know where to go! Where to ask help and advice. I don't trust anybody. Please give me advice.

sophia-tony25,

I had a tough start in life so I know where you are coming from. As a child we have no control over how others think we should live our lives. But you are no longer a child, you must take full responsibility for your own life. And when you do, you will know exactly what you want. And how to get it.

There are many shelters for women to go to, the main thing is to realise that we all make mistakes in life and have to start over sometimes.
If you don't know of local shelters, contact your local police they will know where local shelters are at.

Also if you need check out local social services for counseling help

Time to stand up for yourself and make a change.. You have had some awful things happen to you but you can all change that find some help, go to school go be the person you have always wanted to be and find the job you have always wanted it right at your finger tips all you have to do is find it...


Good luck to you on your new life

Bluerose says that you must take full responsibility for your own life. Well, what if mentally, you are not prepared to grow up and handle that kind of role? I've been there! Tried it twice.

Sweetie, are you living alone? Are you getting any kind of help - phychiatrist, meds, anything? If we are going to help you, we need to have some of these basic questions answered first to see where you are at in this moment.

I want to help you! I know you are desperate. Will you please respond to me?