Ask Me Help Desk - Depressed and confused

I'm in a love triangle that I'm working on getting out of but my depression seems to be keeping me from actually leaving my husband and taking our two sons, I have a three year old and a two week old. Everyone keeps telling me to leave and I know that I need to but the love I feel for him won't let me let go that easily. Myself esteem has been completely destroyed by the situatino that I am in. I'm constantly being told how good I look for just having a baby and that I make beautiful babies but I don't feel good about myself. I was 151 lbs when I had my son and I now only weight 129lbs which is 5 lbs lighter than I was when I got pregnant. I hate the way I look I feel like I need to put some meat on my bones but I don't gain weight, I weighed 130lbs all through high school and I was constantly told that I looked like I was bulemic because I was so thin and people knew that I ate a lot so they figured that was how I kept from gaining weight. The only time that I'm not hard on myself about how I look is when my husband is around even though I know that he can't truly care like he says he does because if he did he wouldn't be doing this to me. Any suggestions on what I can do would be grately appreciated.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelly925

I'm in a love triangle that I'm working on getting out of but my depression seems to be keeping me from actually leaving my husband and taking our two sons, I have a three year old and a two week old. Everyone keeps telling me to leave and I know that I need to but the love I feel for him won't let me let go that easily. My self esteem has been completely destroyed by the situatino that I am in. I'm constantly being told how good I look for just having a baby and that I make beautiful babies but I don't feel good about myself. I was 151 lbs when I had my son and I now only weight 129lbs which is 5 lbs lighter than I was when I got pregnant. I hate the way I look I feel like I need to put some meat on my bones but I don't gain weight, I weighed 130lbs all through high school and I was constantly told that I looked like I was bulemic because I was so thin and ppl knew that I ate alot so they figured that was how I kept from gaining weight. The only time that I'm not hard on myself about how I look is when my husband is around even though I know that he can't truly care like he says he does because if he did he wouldn't be doing this to me. Any suggestions on what I can do would be grately appreciated.

What a dilemna for you. Im sorry your going through this trouble. Its definitely hard to leave someone that your still in love with. What has your husband done that is so bad for you to leave him? The way I think of it is that if your not truly happy in the relationship, then you know what you need to do. BUT, this can only happen once YOUR ready for this type of change. No matter what people tell you, you yourself will come to the realization point when enough is enough. And you will leave on your own terms. I speak from experience in an 8 yr relationship. And now that I think back, I truly regret knowing in my head that I was not happy, AND staying! I feel as if I wasted some perfectly good years of my life! Just think things through very well. I don't have children so its easy for me to make quick decisions. You have two children that depend on you and the choices you make, will affect them as well. Hope you find your way. Good luck with this (HUGS!) =)

I don't know how tall you are but 129 pounds does not sound skinny. It sounds like a really good weight, but regardless, no matter how many times you are told this, you see yourself as you see yourself.
If you are depressed I feel that you need to contact a doctor. There are some pretty amazing drugs made now for depression and one may work for you.
I am trying to understand your dilemma. You state that you love your husband but you are trying to leave him. You state that he admires you and tries to lift your spirits. What is going on? Is your husband abusive, is he cheating on you? Why do you need to leave?
I really need a little more information before I can even understand your situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shelly925

I'm in a love triangle that I'm working on getting out of but my depression seems to be keeping me from actually leaving my husband and taking our two sons, I have a three year old and a two week old. Everyone keeps telling me to leave and I know that I need to but the love I feel for him won't let me let go that easily. My self esteem has been completely destroyed by the situatino that I am in. I'm constantly being told how good I look for just having a baby and that I make beautiful babies but I don't feel good about myself. I was 151 lbs when I had my son and I now only weight 129lbs which is 5 lbs lighter than I was when I got pregnant. I hate the way I look I feel like I need to put some meat on my bones but I don't gain weight, I weighed 130lbs all through high school and I was constantly told that I looked like I was bulemic because I was so thin and ppl knew that I ate alot so they figured that was how I kept from gaining weight. The only time that I'm not hard on myself about how I look is when my husband is around even though I know that he can't truly care like he says he does because if he did he wouldn't be doing this to me. Any suggestions on what I can do would be grately appreciated.

Depression is your mind fighting you ! You need to work out one problem at a time, and stop beating yourself up.

To answer your question yes he is cheating on me he has been having an affair since I got pregnant and I just found out that his mistress was at my house having sex with him when I was in the hospital after I delivered our son who is now 2 weeks old. I found a wrapper when I was picking things up in the nursery which is where he slept while I was in the hospital. He said he didn't stay at the hospital with me because he didn't have a place to sleep and didn't want to keep me up all night and I believed him because they had supposibly split but now I know that can't be true.

Shelly As Large As A Pill It May Be To Swallow, There Are Only A Few Things You Can Do, Either Leave, Accept Or Agree To Therapy. If He Is Willing. We Can't Change People We Only Can Change Ourselves. I Hope That You Will Find Peace In Your Enigma.

It is hard to leave some one you love. It is easier to leave some one who does not love you and actions speak louder than words. You have a child now and that child comes first in your life.
I can see from your post that you know what you have to do, but it is very hard. If the man loves you and wants to be with you, he can prove it in a different residence from the one you live in.
Hon. You already know what to do. You just need some reassurance that you are dong the right thing. I think all the posters that have responded to you have given you that reassurance.
Good luck and stay strong.