Ask Me Help Desk - Wasting my time?

Wow! Where to begin? So there is this girl, we've been friends for over 2 years now. For the first year we wasn't the best of friends, but this year that has changed. We are best friends and we are really close. :) I've liked this girl since I first got to know her last year, but I'm the kind of guy who likes to build a good friendship with a girl before I date them. So I never told her I like her. Well April of last year she started dating another guy. It really didn't bother me at first, like I said we wasn't that great of friends at the time, and I thought my feelings for her would pass. But they never did. Instead they have grew even stronger. I've since told her my feelings for her and turns out she liked me since last year too. :) I really respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and is taken, but then again I'd love to be with her. Her relationship with her Boyfriend isn't the best any more, but I know she loves him. So I don't know if I should move on, or if there is ever hope of us being together.

Dude like seriuosly I just thought I was looking into a mirror when I read that. I was in the sammme exact situation . Actually still am. I liked this girl last year and was really close to her and did the same thing like the good friendship thing , but when I asked her if she wanted to be more than that she denied me and said were too good of friends. That was like April 06. Well the day before thanksgiving 06 I hung out with her for like 8 hours and we had the greatest time I could ever ask for, but 3 days later she went out with this guy, and seriously I thought they would never break up. Out of nowhere 2 weekends ago she broke up with him and was crying on the phone with me. I say if you really like her, like I like my girl, don't think your wasting your time, if you truly like her and you think she likes you or will like you when she breaks up with her boyfriend, then stay liking her, I know its tough, but I managed and I could possibly be looking at the good beginning to a relationship. I told her many times while she was going out with him that I loved that she was happy even if she wasn't with me and she liked that. Just keep talking to her and tell her that if things get rocky with her boyfriend to talk to you, and yada yada yada, in a little while you could be sportin a good looking chik in your car

Ahh If I had a nickel for every time I ran across something like this, I'd be rich I tell you! Rich!

Seriously, the best advice I can give you is to ride it out. I don't know you or know how old you are, but I was 17-18 when the same type of situation happened to me. Now I don't want to discourage you, so if you get easily discouraged then STOP reading this immediately...

Otherwise, keep reading on and hopefully my situation will answer a few questions. First and foremost, it was the biggest mistake I ever made in pursuing someone who already had a boyfriend. It didn't work out, it was a complete disaster emotionally, physically, and mentally. Just like you, I was friends with this girl and didn't really like her that much at first. However, I gradually became to like her more and more all the while knowing that she was involved with someone already. I too thought these teenage feelings would pass, but they never did. Little by little I developed a huge crush on her and she never had an idea. Completely in love with her by this point, I couldn't take it anymore and decided to tell her. Well, being that we were close friends, she took it pretty well and was kind of glad that I liked her and was very flattered. Stupid me should've seen the mess that was about to come...

To make a long story short, we ended up fooling around a couple times behind her boyfriends back and it was all fine and dandy. I mean the girl was my first everything, so you can imagine the feelings and emotions I must've had. It came to a point where I either had to have her as a girlfriend, or had to cut her off because of the enormous amount of mental anguish I was putting on myself. We were having a physical relationship, but in the end, she always went back to him. That was killing me.

When people fall in love, they really fall in love I'm telling you. I was fooling myself all that time cause I knew she loved him and I knew they've been together for a while. I was just so convinced that she would fall more in love with me than with him. But that kind of love only happens in fairy tales my friend. That's the sad truth of it. I hoped and hoped and prayed and prayed and to no avail. What was more frustrating was the trick I played on myself in falling madly in love with a woman who never did love me the same or as much. That's the mistake I made.

Nevertheless, I ended up giving her an ultimatum just to ease my frantic mind, and she made the correct decision. She was not going to leave her boyfriend for me even though I might have been a great guy and a great friend. Her heart was set on something and unfortunately I was too late. God's stars were never aligned for us and I had to deal with that. It took me a good 6 months to fully get over her and move on and I can't possibly tell you how much better I feel today. That was 8 years ago and I haven't talked to her since. Separating myself from her was the best remedy. So like I said, as discouraging as this may sound, moving on and letting things ride out is your best answer.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LITTLEmr

Wow! Where to begin? So there is this girl, we've been friends for over 2 years now. For the first year we wasn't the best of friends, but this year that has changed. We are best friends and we are really close. :) I've liked this girl since I first got to know her last year, but I'm the kind of guy who likes to build a good friendship with a girl before I date them. So I never told her I like her. Well April of last year she started dating another guy. It really didn't bother me at first, like I said we wasn't that great of friends at the time, and I thought my feelings for her would pass. But they never did. Instead they have grew even stronger. I've since told her my feelings for her and turns out she liked me since last year too. :) I really respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and is taken, but then again I'd love to be with her. Her relationship with her Boyfriend isn't the best any more, but I know she loves him. So I don't know if I should move on, or if there is ever hope of us being together.

IMO

Well... firstly I would say that if you had the self control to not tell her for a year you liked her you shouldn't have told her while she was in a relationship, unless it was harming her.
See, if you really care about this girl, you want the best for her, no matter who she is with. Telling her that only caused doubt and frustration in her mind.
At this point I would avoid any conversation about a relationship between you two, Because it is disrespecting who she is with, theredisrespecting her judgement, and disrespecting her.
Like I said, if she was being harmed emotionally or physicly that's one thing...
When you talk again, if she brings it up, kindly say that you just want the best for her, and you don't want to cause any controversy in their relationship if it's a good one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LITTLEmr

Wow! Where to begin? So there is this girl, we've been friends for over 2 years now. For the first year we wasn't the best of friends, but this year that has changed. We are best friends and we are really close. :) I've liked this girl since I first got to know her last year, but I'm the kind of guy who likes to build a good friendship with a girl before I date them. So I never told her I like her. Well April of last year she started dating another guy. It really didn't bother me at first, like I said we wasn't that great of friends at the time, and I thought my feelings for her would pass. But they never did. Instead they have grew even stronger. I've since told her my feelings for her and turns out she liked me since last year too. :) I really respect the fact that she has a boyfriend and is taken, but then again I'd love to be with her. Her relationship with her Boyfriend isn't the best any more, but I know she loves him. So I don't know if I should move on, or if there is ever hope of us being together.

Move on.