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my boyfriend has been divorced for almost 5 years now maybe 6. but his ex keeps relying on him because she cannot stand on her own two feet and he wants to help out for his children. I do not have children so I can't fathom this view point. Am I in the wrong? Or is this not even my business?? I have been dating him for almost 3 years now and living with. Help =(
It all depends on what she is relying on him for? If they have children together then it make sense for them to be talking to each other.
If it's about the children then it makes sense that he is there for them.. it's a bond for life.Quote:
Originally Posted by stefani1
If it's other things that she depends on then it's hard to judge too... she is after all the mother of our boyfriend's children and she will be in his life...
Stefani, you do have a problem in that, although you are living together, you are not married to your boyfriend. It is a tough situation for you. You basically don't have any rights when it comes to discussing whether he should be giving her money for the kids. He feels a responsibility toward his ex and toward his children. Until you are in a position where you are discussing marriage, only then should you speak up and tell him of your concerns. Until that time comes, unfortunately, you just have to live with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by stefani1
If this isn't about money, and she is relying on him for help with things, it sounds like from your post it has to do with the children. They are kids after all, and he does have a responsibility to them. It says something about the man's character. He chooses not to be an absentee father. Sounds like you have a good man there.
Startover, you caught me when I was editing my post. LOL. I absolutely agree. Stefani, if you do discuss marriage, you do have to keep in mind that your BF is someone who comes with baggage. He is the father of 3 children. That isn't going to change. You will be a stepmother. Do not put him in a position to choose between you and his children. That is a no win situation. You would be marrying the entire "ready made" family package.
Very nicely said RubyPitbull. I really hope you think long and hard, it is a hard place to be when you have many other things put before you. Good luck with this.
I was hopeing the poster would come back and give more info.
If she can't pick paint colors or can't get the car door opened, that is not her ex's problems, if they talk about the kids homework, or the kids haloween costumes, and things like that, well while many don't but ex's who get along do work together for their kids.
So without you being more clear, as a father who had a ex, yes he will be talking and helping with kids things for years. Even now and the kids are in their late 20s, we still talk a few times a year about the kids and things, it is somehting new partners just have to accept, and as noted, as long as it is not out of line, don't make them choose between you and kids, it is a no win situation
If its only due to their children together then not so much, however if she is relyin on him for other purposes then yes.
Consider that he may be painting a picture of her that is neither accurate nor fair. As others have said, if she is relying on him for things other than the kids, she should probably stop. However, he may do the same and he likely may encourage it. She may feel that he owes her a little assistance since she is taking on primary responsibility for the children they had together. I think the best course of action for you is to stay out of it to avoid building resentments between you and the children. You will need to get along with her to have a peaceful life if you are staying with him.
I completely understand. And it lead to the demise of our relationship. She did the same thing to us. She depended on him for the reasons he said that she has been "spoon fed, and never been alone." and she is grown with a child and still can't function without depending on the man who she married and divorced because she didn't love him for x amounts of months of their marriage. But Im wrong for saying anything about it. Its none of my business what goes on between them. But he would bring the anger from her home to me. Just be patient and try to talk to your boyfriend but think hard about what you are saying as to not come off like you are making him choose between the mother of his children and you.
Hope this helps you. I learned the hard way how not to do this.:o
Quote:
Originally Posted by stefani1
I have a question: What if the children are grown adults (22 & 28 years old)? Should the exwife still be hounding him at all times?
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