Ask Me Help Desk - Husband's Family

I have many issues with my husband's family and need a sounding board to see if I am just overreacting. To begin, when my husband and I got engaged not one of his family member's congratulated us, no card, nothing.

When we were engaged, my husband's family came for a visit. Some staying at my home some at my husband's. His brother and his wife spent an hour telling me all about my husband's first wedding, the dress, how beautiful his 1st wife looked blah blah blah. Thought this was rude.

When husband's sister was married, I was not included in the wedding, which is fine. However, my stepdaughter's were. I purchased the dresses, shoes etc.. I asked if I could be the one to get them ready as the bride did not offer to do salon etc. (fine). She agreed. When time came to prepare for the wedding I was told someone would be picking up the girls to take them to the house where they would be getting ready. I was told there was not any room in the car and that they would get the girls ready. After the ceremony, my father-in-law told me I should head to the reception. An hour later (after sitting by myself at the reception) the bridal party arrived (my husband included). They were off taking family photos at the beach and I was not invited. Other family members were included in these family photos but I was not. I was upset.

The list goes on, you get the gist. But the last straw is this:
We have two daughters and he has two from his previous marriage. His family does not send cards or gifts to my children, however, the DO send cards, gift and $$ to his daughters from his previous marriage. Am I INSANE or is this BS?? My youngest daughter is 9 months old, they have seen her once for 2 hours and they live 2 hours away. I am not making this up and this is just skimming the surface. I have told my husband how much this bothers me, he just tells me that I have to ACCEPT IT. We are now at a point where I just don't see them. Isn't this SAD??

Some people are just stupid, and insensitive. Inlaws, all of mine have always hated me. I don't know why, because I am a pretty descent person. Just ignore them because it is one of those things you can't change.

I totally agree. Ignore them, and be the sweetest you can, in the end they'll be coming to you in time of need.

I do try. I really do. Last year when I was pregnant they came in to town for my stepdaughter's 8th grade graduation. They all spent the evening at my husband's ex-wife's house, no kidding, my husband came home at 1 a.m! His entire family stayed on there. I left at 8 because my older daughter needed to get home and go to bed and I was 7 month pregnant. How is a person supposed to let go of that? It's Just RUDE.

Some people and things in life just can't change. Why don't you do something to keep your husband more with yourself? Tell him this is your time of need. You know. Don't frustrate yourself. Just take care.

I think you should ignore them and take care of your own.

You sound allot like me, it always really hurts me when people are like this.
Your husband should maybe, try to be more understanding. I am guessing that you are probably in your 20s or early 30s, if it helps as you get older you realize more that it's not you it's them and they are not all that important to your life anyway. What you need is a good friend to tell you how bad they are and how good you are.

It sounds to me like your husband is willingly letting his family cut you out of the picture... and that's not OK in my book.

You are married to him, you are family, your kids and his kids - He should be insisting to his family that you and your kids be included the same as the rest of the family is.

Perhaps he has some specific reason for excluding you that you didn't mention?
Will a fight break out between you and his sister if you're both in the same room? Will his family excommunicate him if he dares to try and include you more? Did you insult his family at some point in the past that they have reason to want to exclude you?

If his family are jerks, I can accept ignoring them and focusing on your own things.
If he doesn't have the spine to defend you or his family... that's something else.

Quote:

Originally Posted by momtofour

I have many issues with my husband's family and need a sounding board to see if I am just overreacting. To begin, when my husband and I got engaged not one of his family member's congratulated us, no card, nothing.

When we were engaged, my husband's family came for a visit. Some staying at my home some at my husband's. His brother and his wife spent an hour telling me all about my husband's first wedding, the dress, how beautiful his 1st wife looked blah blah blah. Thought this was rude.

When husband's sister was married, I was not included in the wedding, which is fine. However, my stepdaughter's were. I purchased the dresses, shoes etc..I asked if I could be the one to get them ready as the bride did not offer to do salon etc. (fine). She agreed. When time came to prepare for the wedding I was told someone would be picking up the girls to take them to the house where they would be getting ready. I was told there was not any room in the car and that they would get the girls ready. After the ceremony, my father-in-law told me I should head to the reception. An hour later (after sitting by myself at the reception) the bridal party arrived (my husband included). They were off taking family photos at the beach and I was not invited. Other family members were included in these family photos but I was not. I was upset.

The list goes on, you get the gist. But the last straw is this:
We have two daughters and he has two from his previous marriage. His family does not send cards or gifts to my children, however, the DO send cards, gift and $$ to his daughters from his previous marriage. Am I INSANE or is this BS??? My youngest daughter is 9 months old, they have seen her once for 2 hours and they live 2 hours away. I am not making this up and this is just skimming the surface. I have told my husband how much this bothers me, he just tells me that I have to ACCEPT IT. We are now at a point where I just don't see them. Isn't this SAD???

By the sound of it you have not the most sensitive inlaws...

We all hope that when we marry we will get a new family.
Sometimes we do.
Sometimes we don't.

However.. if you continue to let this get you then your life will be miserable.
And that's not worth it.

Ignore them.
When you see them, be nice...
But step away from it emotionally and ignore them.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Matt3046

Your husband should maybe, try to be more understanding. I am guessing that you are probably in your 20s or early 30s,.

I am actually 40. I wish that you were right but I just can't help but feel like an alien around them. I have provided a beautiful home and life for all of their grandchildren and have always been great at giving gifts etc.. However, at this point I just feel hurt and angry that these people don't even acknowledge my children with cards, phone calls or anything. So now I leave it to my husband to remember the b-days, gifts, flowers etc.. And I don't lift a finger. Last year I chose to not attend their Christmas as I just don't need to be around them. I do wish that my husband would step up to the plate and put his foot down and tell them that it is NOT OK.

Quote:

Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

It sounds to me like your husband is willingly letting his family cut you out of the picture... and that's not OK in my book.

You are married to him, you are family, your kids and his kids - He should be insisting to his family that you and your kids be included the same as the rest of the family is.

Perhaps he has some specific reason for excluding you that you didn't mention?
Will a fight break out between you and his sister if you're both in the same room? Will his family excommunicate him if he dares to try and include you more? Did you insult his family at some point in the past that they have reason to want to exclude you?

If his family are jerks, I can accept ignoring them and focussing on your own things.
If he doesn't have the spine to defend you or his family ... that's something else.

I agree with you on your first points. I don't think that it OK either. No, there is no specific reason that his family doesn't care for me. I would never get into an argument with his siblings. I have not insulted his family, not to their face at least. My husband doesn't like them either but they are his family and I get that, but to NOT send cards or gifts to just my TWO children is inexcusible and doesn't have a thing to do with me it is plain bad manners.