I have been with this girl for about 7 months. We started as friends and well it just grew into something more. Everything was great. We spent a lot of time together. I mean like 5 days a week every week since we started the relationship. I know she cares a lot about me. I have met her family and she has met mine. She even came to my older brothers wedding and stayed the weekend with me and my family. When we got back everything was still fine. Up until about 3 weeks ago. She came out with the classic "i need to take a step back from this and need some space." She has always been straight-forward with me. Never once have I doubted her honesty.

I have been kind of over-bearing about the situation. I know I need to let her have her space but at the same time I feel like she will forget about me. She says she still likes me and cares for me a lot... just wants too take a step or two backward and be on her own for a bit. There are a lot of things going on in her life as of late. Her step-father had a brain tumor removed and is heading for chemotherapy. She also lost her last boyfriend about a year and a half ago to drugs. It's really sad what she has been through. I just want to be there for her. I know I need to give her space but the thing is, it's hard to do because sometimes she shows affection and like 5 hours later she wants to be alone.

I guess I just need to let it go. I don't want to lose her but it's hard to sit back and watch the person you love want to have a lot of time to do her own thing. I asked if there was another person involved. She said there wasn't and I believe her. Simply because she has been nothing but straight-forward about her feelings in general. I shouldn't even be discussing this with other people haha. I mean she has already said "you being clingy is only making me not want it more." So I guess that this whole situation is pretty much self-explanatory and I wasted all of your time. I just wanted to get my feelings out there and talk about the situation. It sucks bottling it all up and not having positive input from other people.

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Originally Posted by lovekills77

I have been with this girl for about 7 months. We started out as friends and well it just grew into something more. Everything was great. We spent a lot of time together. I mean like 5 days a week every week since we started the relationship. I know she cares a lot about me. I have met her family and she has met mine. She even came to my older brothers wedding and stayed the weekend with me and my family. When we got back everything was still fine. Up until about 3 weeks ago. She came out with the classic "i need to take a step back from this and need some space." She has always been straight-forward with me. Never once have i doubted her honesty.

I have been kind of over-bearing about the situation. I know i need to let her have her space but at the same time i feel like she will forget about me. She says she still likes me and cares for me a lot....just wants too take a step or two backward and be on her own for a bit. There are a lot of things going on in her life as of late. Her step-father had a brain tumor removed and is heading for chemotherapy. She also lost her last boyfriend about a year and a half ago to drugs. It's really sad what she has been through. I just want to be there for her. I know i need to give her space but the thing is, it's hard to do because sometimes she shows affection and like 5 hours later she wants to be alone.

I guess i just need to let it go. I don't want to lose her but it's hard to sit back and watch the person you love want to have a lot of time to do her own thing. I asked if there was another person involved. She said there wasn't and i believe her. Simply because she has been nothing but straight-forward about her feelings in general. I shouldn't even be discussing this with other people haha. I mean she has already said "you being clingy is only making me not want it more." So i guess that this whole situation is pretty much self-explanatory and i wasted all of your time. I just wanted to get my feelings out there and talk about the situation. It sucks bottling it all up and not having positive input from other people.

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First things First

She has suffered and is suffering through a lot of emotions right now. You have to respect her for trying to Wade her way within all that she is going through. She is not at this time near repaired emotionally and won't be for some time - regarding the loss of her previous boyfriend. And to second that her Father is Ill and is suffering * out of her control - just as it was her BF dying... You have to back up. You have to offer her space not only as normal - but for a young woman going through emotional hell.

She is dealing with what she can and for you to Want more from her is actually not a good thing. Don't want from her. She Cannot Give Anything right now. CANT. Do not offer guilt into her life either - that would be mighty selfish of you. Put yourself in her Shoes and look in a mirror and try to attempt what she feels and see's. She is Human.
She needs comfort and she needs to not have to explain or give to you any reason for wanting her space. She has more than enough on her plate. I am sure just daily living for her is exhausting. And then to feel guilt on top of it - due to you feeling unhappy because she can't offer herself. Think about it. She is her number one and right now on a scale I am thinking she feels like a negative 2000. And that doesn't even hold you in her picture. What ever you offer - make it with out commitments and restraints. Just Give.

Yeah that's why I feel bad for feeling selfish. I am only human but I know that being selfish is absolutely the worst thing I can do at this point. I know she wants me there and still cares about me and likes me. I guess I just need to understand that this time around it's not my fault and it's not about me. Thank your for your input. When she wants me there what should I do though? I want to be there so I have been doing just that.

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Originally Posted by lovekills77

Yeah that's why i feel bad for feeling selfish. I am only human but i know that being selfish is absolutely the worst thing i can do at this point. I know she wants me there and still cares about me and likes me. I guess i just need to understand that this time around it's not my fault and it's not about me. Thank your for your input. When she wants me there what should i do though? I want to be there so i have been doing just that.

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Dear Boyfriend

I suggest this to you - Leave the Door open. Tell her for all reasons any account your available. Let her know you support her as a being and then as a girlfriend. This is a HUGE HUGE emotional time for her which will stay with her for the rest of her life. This is not anything less than that. She just need to know she has a little corner of the world to escape to.. when she is able to run. She needs to know that your there. She wants to know that your there. Even if she is not with you from day to day - she is counting on you. And YOU may be the Only person she has in her life to count on. You as well have a huge responsibility - but you have to wait.. for her to come to you. And when she does be prepared. That's all I can say.

I agree with the last person..

If you don't back off her, you may lose her for good and you may have lost her already. She needs her space and you may need to just not contact her until she contacts you and if she has not contacted you in a good while than you should send her a support letter just telling her that you care about her but lay off about anything else invoving your relationship.. She may be very much afraid of losing you because she has lost so much and so you need to just give her a little space and see if you can work things out.. If not then maybe she needs counceling but don't tell her this because it will scare her away even further. Just give her space and let her call you when she is ready and you may have to move on if things don't work out. Good Luck!

Km you really have made me feel a lot better. Thank you very very much for your truthful and insightful input. ;)

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Originally Posted by lovekills77

Km you really have made me feel a lot better. Thank you very very much for your truthful and insightful input. ;)

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Dear Boyfriend

Why ?
I can relate, I lost the love of my life in 2003 to a work related acciedent - he went to work and never came home.
I can very much understand your GF. And I thank you for telling me that I made you feel better. That means a lot.
I wish her and you - all the best.
Just be patient and offer love to her - focus.
KM