How much does a girls family compare to the rest of the relationship?
As in.. my family have openly shown their dislike for my partner,to his face and otherwise.
My man is irish, and therefore not the right one for me, the first time my mother met him she called him a terrorist, my grandad refused to shake his hand in case he had "semtex"..
It used to really upset me, I sometimes cried when I spoke to my partner about the things they had said, one time he cried to as he didn't understand why my family hated him and didn't even give him a chance.
After that night he vowed not to let it get to him, his attitude was that he was himself and he wasn't going to change for somebody else.
Over the years my familys hatred got worse, I think it was because my mothers threats to split us up was having no affect, it was actually making us stronger.
5 years later we are still together and live over 200 miles away from my family.
My question is, would past experiences with my family put him off any kind of life plans with me? Would he put me in the same legue as them? I'm just scared that the way they treated him might have affected how he views me and the relationship as a whole?
I have to add that my partner has never treated me bad, in fact he shows me respect, he is affectinate, honest and has not done anything to justify the hate, from what various family members have told me it is because of where he is from..

Unless your partner did something directly to your family that he could correct or apologize for that would make them get over their hate, I see no way that you can make them like them.
I know that is is very hard to be in the middle of a squabble between your family and your partner. So you will just make up your mind as to how far you want to go to have relationship with your partner that excludes your family and then vice-versa about you family.

I think the damage is already done. My partner has told me he wants nothing to do with them, he showed them nothing but respect from the start,he dislikes the fact they didn't give him the chance to let them know who he is. They have assumptions, but because they never got to know him, none of the assumptions are correct.

Hi Fix -

Boy that is a tough situation. But I don't think there is a black and white answer. It really depends on the type of person your partner is. If he is able to separate your families actions from you.

If you have showed him love and support during the ugly birage of negativity, then I doubt very seriously he would hold that against you or your relationship. It doesn't make things easier and does create an obstacle, but all relationships have hurdles and obstacles that you need to work together to overcome. So, that's the key, work together on this and reassure him.

I think it would help you and probably your partner, if you sat him down, let him know how much you love him, and actually ask him, "Does it bother you the way my family has treated you". Be sure you let him know that you love him and be sure and listen to his response when you ask how it all makes him feel.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Families should care about one thing, well two - that you are happy and safe.

I would think that he may think you're noble for staying by his side despite your family's views on him. You should have a candid talk with him and let him know how you feel. It just might bring you even closer together and give you the reassurances you need.

I think you are both to be commended for sticking together in the face of such animosity, cruelty and hate. I hope you live far enough away so as not to have to put up with that kind of treatment on a daily basis.

Your most important family isn’t always the one you were born into. It can be the one you create for yourself. And it sounds to me like you have made a good start.

I’m so sorry you don’t have the support of your family. But if they are as bad as they sound, I think you are better off without them. I know of lots of people who go ‘no contact’ with their family just for the reasons you have. You are well justified from what I can tell by reading your post.

Don’t beat yourself up too much for not being able to bring them around. Just go be happy. It’s their loss.