My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. We have a three year old son and I just gave birth to our second son. He has been having an affair for a while now and can't get himself to let go of either of us. He swears that he loves me and the boys but he won't get rid of her what can I do to get him to make a choice because leaving is not an option I love him too much to let go. I filed for divorce and ended up coming back after 2 months because I don't want to lose him.

I know that you love him... but he obviously doesn't love you. He is cheating on you, and what's worse is that you two have two children together. He is being selfish by not letting go of the woman on the side. If he loved you.. he would let her go. He is having his cake and eating it too... and until you do something to stop him or get his attention... he will keep cheating. Also think about your children. Do you want them to grow up thinking that cheating is okay? You can't just think about yourself in this situation.

You need to let go. Divorce is the only answer. Counseling is important as well.

How can you stay with somebody who treats you like crap and sleeps around with other people.

He is a piece of dirt and you need to throw the dirt in the big heap of a garbage bag and send the trash out where it belongs.

Joe

Think about your kids, your husband doesn't respect you enough to think about you or the kids and what he is doing, so why should you worry about him?
Tell him to leave, and then you can get on with your life with your kids.
When the husband realizes he has made a huge mistake it will be too late..

If I were your husband I would cheat too, because I would know you love me enough to eat my sh*t, and would not do anything about it. Sorry that's the message you send with your actions, and I hope you see a counselor about that.

Unfortunately you already have lost him. You have two choices: leave or continue to be second fiddle. Frankly I don';t think you or your children need to be living with a selfish two-timer. Maybe packing up the kids and actually leaving and staying away, longer than two months, will bring him to his senses. If not, then call the craftiest divorce lawyer you can find.

And then what ?

Sharing him with another woman ?
You are the other of his children.. he married you.

Move on...
This man does not deserve you.

Although it will be hard for you, you will be grateful as time goes by.
You deserve only the best.
A man who treats you like this and cheats on you and tells you he does not want to give up the other woman ?
That person does not deserve you.

You filed for divorce.
Bite the bullet and move out again.

Or you cαn just stαy αt home αnd plαy wife with him whenever he wαnts to αnd give him α greαt big kiss whenever he leαves to his mistress.. yup sounds αbout right, mαybe the boys cαn pick up some good tips from dαddy on how to treαt women.

HONESTLY! Does thαt sound right to you? Leαve him. respect is worth wαy more thαn his "love" he clαims to hαve for you.

Shelly -

Where is yourself esteem? Look at how you titled your post "Love Triangle". Girl, that is YOUR husband. The only reason it's a triangle, is because YOU are allowing it. It can't be if you don't help to make it so. Shelly, like Tal said, Please get some counseling, just to find out why, and how you think you love someone, who is treating you as though they don't love you at all.

Rid yourself of this unhealthy "trianlge" and let the two cheaters deal with each others lies and get some councilling for yourself so that you can go on and live a healthy and happy life. I can not wait for the day when you find someone that will show you what true love is. You deserve so much better.

Shelly, I hope, after reading all of these responses, you choose to love yourself. I have my fingers crossed her for you.

You say you don't want to lose him but you already have. For whatever selfish motives he has, you are being used. Big time! You need to get angry and leave him. You are never going to change his mind. He's already told you he's not giving up the other woman. Gather up your forces: your friends and family, seek an attorney and a counselor. Live a happy life with your children, you are so worth it!

I say leave him. You are the mother of his children. You may love him but you should love yourself. Would you ever give this advice to your sister mother or friend? Its called cheating because that is exactly what it is... I don't know what to say... just leave him... think with your head.. your head says its wrong and you know that... your heart keeps taking him back, sometimes what you want is not what you need

Why is leaving not an option? I know you said you love him. But, he isn't loving you back. Not the way a husband should love his wife. What are his reasons for not leaving this woman? What could he possibly say to you about this for you to accept it?

Do you think you deserve this? You don't! No one deserves this. He is throwing this affair in your face and telling you that you aren't enough. That is not right. That is not love.

You are raising little men - do you want this for their futures? Not to respect women or show them that this is how a man treats his wife?
We, as parents, set an example for our children. The same sex parent has the bigger influence. So - this is what you and your husband will be teaching your boys.

Are you afraid that you can't make it on your own? Are you afraid that if you leave him - you are destined to live a life with out someone?
You can make it on your own. And if you are afraid of living with out a partner - sister, you already are. He is not there mentally. You can not make this work alone. It takes two and he has one foot out the door.
Save yourself years of heartache and make the move now.
Good Luck!

As long as you have the view that leaving is not an option, he will have the upper hand in the situation and there is NOTHING you can do to change his mind.

Speaking as a male myself, your partner (I can't call him a husband because he doesn't live up to the name) is getting to have his cake and eat it too. Stop giving him flour!

You have two boys that need a much better role model than the partner you are married to. NowWhat is correct about this.

I have to agree with many of the others who have answered you. I think your situation has gone beyond counseling. A divorce would clear the air and give him a reality check. And if you feel tempted (as I suspect you might) to remarry this guy later on BE SURE THAT YOU GET AN IRON CLAD PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT BEFORE the I DOs are done.

I know it's rough and it's painful. I have been down this same road with my first wife (only it wasn't just one with her) and there were three boys (two of which were really mine). Like you, I tried very hard to make it work "if for no other reason than the sake of the kids". Then I finally realized that was the very reason that I had to say good-bye to her.

I would like to thank all of you for your advice. My husband wasn't like this when we met and I know that he does still care some because he quit calling her and going to see her until the other day when I posted this. We were on our way to his parents when we came up on a car accident and it ended up being her in the car. He insists that he would have done the same thing if it was me but I'm starting to realize that my family and his are right I guess I just needed to hear it from someone who wasn't related to either of us for it to really sink in.

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Originally Posted by shelly925

My husband and I have been married for almost two years now. We have a three year old son and I just gave birth to our second son. He has been having an affair for a while now and can't get himself to let go of either of us. He swears that he loves me and the boys but he won't get rid of her what can I do to get him to make a choice because leaving is not an option I love him too much to let go. I filed for divorce and ended up coming back after 2 months because I don't want to lose him.

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I'm so sorry to hear about that. But the choice should be EASY, get a divorce and move on with your life. Why are you even allowing yourself to wait for him to make a decision to choose you or her? You deserve the world. The decision should be simple - YOU, don't even question "should I wait for a decision?" Once a cheater, always a cheater. If not for yourself, then break it off with him for your kids, before they grow older and have to be in this mess. With all do respect, have more respect for yourself - I know it must be heartbreaking, but break it off girl be strong!