My 19 yo daughter has announced that she is sure the (17yo) boy she is dating is the one she is going to marry. This is the only boy she has dated and her the only girl. She is making some big decisions based on this assumption. I would like to show her that although it may happen the odds are that it won't and she shouldn't make decisions based on that assumption. I would like anyone who has been here themselves or with a child to let me know how to help her.

Lacey,

Hello :) I see they were all out of rubberbands. LOL ;)

Lacey, you can only explain the difficulties in marring so young to your daughter and the pitfalls.

There are some Lacey, who have married that young and have done beautiful, others, well not so much.

With your church, don't they have to go to premarital classes? I know in the Catholic religion they do.

Have a nice sensible chat with your daughter. Ask her if the dresses that she liked when she was 10 are the same she would wear today. May sound like an odd way to broach the subject, but it can help show her how taste do change and probably something she can relate to.

Oh Lacey, you are going to worry yourself sick my friend. But we will always be here.

Allheart

Ha ha ha ha. Not a chance. And thank god I didn't.

However, I was in love and thought, of course that I would never be able to go on with out him. I even thought we would be together for all time. I can admit that it happens in those rare occasions, but be realistic. We live in a instant society that wants things right now. Lust is instant but LOVE takes time.

We as people are constantly changing and evolving. I am not the same person emotionally and physically that I was at 19. Through the years we develop skills that allow us to better be able to communicate with one another and learn from situations that help us to put our relationships into perspective so that we can act accordingly. At 19 I certainly did not have that experience.

My spouse and I would not be together if I had not had some time to develop these skill and vise versa for him.

However, when has "sense" ever been apart of teen love/lust. Heck, adults even have maturity issues when it comes to relationships.

One of my best friends married her partner, and they met when she was 15. They have been married now for 6 years, though they have been together for 14 years, and have three children together. They are still happy to this day. Both were the first boyfriend and girlfriend each other had. My partner met his now ex wife when she was 13 and he 16. They were married and had three kids together, and though they have ben divorced for several years now, they are still very good friends, and he even adopted the two children she had after they split.

I on the other hand thought I had married 'the one' when I was 23, and yet 6 years later we are getting divorced!

Everyone is different, but it can happen.

Incidentally my parents have been married for 40 years and met as children and again have been the only partners each other have ever had.

You caught me All Heart! But this is doing something without shipping her to CHINA. LOL

Shhhhh you go ahead... it'll be our little secret. ;)

My husband and I met over 10 years ago when I was 19 and he was 20.
We had dated other people before meeting though.

We got married, had 2 beautiful children, and have a happy life together.

So, like Allheart said, sometimes it works out beautifully.

But, I do know some people who haven't been as fortunate, no matter what age they got married at.

I feel that marriage (no matter what age) comes down to the relationship itself, how mature the individuals are,
And how well the couple can work together as a team...

I was 19 and engaged and so determined to live the happy life. I had a psych professor tell me that I was not going to marry my fiancé and she never even met him. She was right.

I SOOOO empathize with you. I too have a 19 yr old daughter bent on doing things "her" way. No matter what you do... she will live and learn. Often falling, failing, or just stumbling. We have to hold our arms out hoping to soften the fall or give helping hand to continue on their journey. It's the hardest thing you can do... Not to say you shouldn't keep talking. But eventually, if you keep talking about this, she will shut you out and do what she wants anyway. Typical of the age. She wants to make her own decisions. At least she can't get married tomorrow as he needs to reach 18 unless his parents are all for this... Ask questions about where they will live, how they will manage, etc. Don't give up but don't press too hard. Some teens will bolt out of pure determination. She may make a mistake. You job is to keep loving her and supporting her emotionally. Motherhood is the hardest job EVER! Just know your not in this fight alone... :O)

Thanks nice knowing someone survived it. I am really tempted to ask them to go to the justice of peace Monday. SInce they are so sure, and see what they say. I am sure they aren't really ready for that and thus prove my point that they aren't as sure as they think they are.

DON'T challenge her... you will live to regret it. She is as sure she wants to marry this guy as you are that the sun will come up tomorrow. She's just old enough to be a danger to herself and her future. LOL Honestly, you aren't holding any cards here. You should give your opinion and encourage her to make smart decisions but don't push her to do something that she might regret. Especially since this age just wants to prove they are adults. I understand your temptations but your thinking from an adult, with knowledge and experience, perspective. She is not. This is the part of parenting they don't tell you about... watching as they try to steer their own course. Give enough space for her to be okay with coming back to you when she hits the rocks hidden along the way.

You don't have to tell your daughter about this post if you don't want, but I met my husband when I was 17. We married at 19 and will celebrate our 21st wedding anniversary this June. We have 2 kids.

Neither of us recommend getting married before 25 when asked. We have both changed sooooo much in the last 20 years. We both agree that we never allowed ourselves to be young.

A couple great things about marrying early is that neither of us have any STDs or "hookups" we would rather forget.

I would suggest not dismissing her plans but encourage her to finish school/college because that will allow her marriage to be stronger, etc. (I have found the most quick way to change my husband's mind is to agree with him!)

Yes I married my high school sweatheart, lasted 2 1/2 years with two boys, who suffered greatly over the years from the divorce and years of court battles. College changed us and soon we found nothing to hold us of interest

Lacey, how was your bubble bath?

I don't even remember her name.

I ended up marrying the man that I loved at sixteen, but we took a break to explore life, then came back to each other. I think that she does need to experence life before settling down... or she will resent him. I think that you just need have a heart to heart with her and explain that life is too short to just settle... she needs explore her options.. then if she feels the same way latter on... then she can marry him.