Ask Me Help Desk - How Can I Trust Him?

I have been married to an Arab man for almost 8 years (I am Caucasian). My issue is his addictiion with chat. I have been concerned about his constant chatting, which has been going on pretty much our whole marriage. Also let me say that this is how we met, on a chat line. Periodically I have brought up my concern. He also seems to have a fascination with much younger women. He is 37 I am 52. He also swears it is very innocent and that he is only being a "big brother to them". I recently was rather shocked when I found out he had made several calls/and received them from an out of town number. When asked he said it was an 18yo member of a site that he likes to chat with and it was all perfectly innocent. Am I just playing to fool or what? Please advise.

If your husbands interactions are all perfectly normal and innocent then he won't have any problem letting you view any emails, chatting he is doing, or making those calls in front of you. If all that is in secret or he insists on hiding them... RED FLAG.

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Originally Posted by malmatar

I have been married to an Arab man for almost 8 years (I am Caucasian). My issue is his addictiion with chat. I have been concerned about his constant chatting, which has been going on pretty much our whole marriage. Also let me say that this is how we met, on a chat line. Periodically I have brought up my concern. He also seems to have a fascination with much younger women. He is 37 I am 52. He also swears it is very innocent and that he is only being a "big brother to them". I recently was rather shocked when I found out he had made several calls/and received them from an out of town number. When asked he said it was an 18yo member of a site that he likes to chat with and it was all perfectly innocent. Am I just playing to fool or what? Please advise.

I don't know where in the Middle East he is from, but culturally, he may feel it is his right to have other women, and try to keep you "under his thumb". That's no way to live. This happens often in this styled marriage (ME husband/American wife). One big question... did he obtain US citizenship when he married you or is he in the process of obtaining it? If so, there is your answer. His goal may have been to achieve (be sponsored) for citizenship. That is a very big deal to him, I am sure. He will stay in the marriage for appearances. But if he truly loves and respects you... he should be an open book... with nothing to hide, period.

Most 18 year old girls are looking for a "big brother" on line... and for that matter most people on line aren't either. I know a couple women who married foreigners that went through similar situations. Guess what? One of them woke up one morning to find that he snuck out in the middle of the night and never returned. Don't sell yourself short and follow your gut!

Iam awaiting my final divorce hearing after being married to a middle eastern ( born here but raised in tehran, iran. My husband also drove me crazy with his constant chatter. Look, these men are master manipulators. They operate by the principle "what's mine is mine and what's yours is too. Many, but not all, are out to take what they can get for nothing and will use anything or anybody to do so. Most middle eastern men perfer younger woman and in their culture/country they would not even look at a woman your age. My husband was 39 and I am 45. We where married for 8.5 years and he just cheated and left me after he completed his math degree. In fact, the other woman is less than half my age. My point is that we as woman must learn to stop denying or listening to that little voice of reasoning that we all possess and think with our minds, not with our hearts. What do you think? Trust me, he is living a double life and he is using you for now. Hate to see you hurt but he is an opportunist and has a thing for younger woman. He is no longer attracted to you... but he needs the sponsorship and everything else you can offer him. Word to the wise... follow the advice of tawnynkids... he is a PARASITE. Good luck, you will need it if you are married to this bloodsucker!