My boyfriend has a son from a previous relationship. His son is 4 and will be 5 and starting school this fall. The mother will not let him see his son very often. We all live close by and she only lets him have his son every wed and every other weekend which is under the current agreement. The agreement was written to be re-done once he starts school, so my boyfriend said he wants more time with his son and since we are so close he would really like him 50% of the time when they re-do the current agreement and she flat out said no way.

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married soon and know that we can provide him a much more stable home, but we don't want to take his son away from his mom, he just wants to have him 50% of the time. The mother has changed jobs 3 times (without health insurance for her son in the middle of all that so my boyfriend took that over and hasn't asked for half the funds) she has moved three times in just over a year, gets him mohawk haircuts, takes him to see PG 13 movies and lets him watch them at home, lets random people pick up their son from daycare and doesn't inform my boyfriend about it until he calls and asks who those people were etc... the list goes on of things we don't feel is in the child's best interest.

We don't want to have to go to court to fight all these things out, but we think we may have too. The problem is my boyfriend is afraid that VA is a state that usually favors the mother no matter how stable the father may be. At least that is what it seems. He is afraid that if we try to fight her we will lose even despite all the evidence we have of the instability of the mother. What do we do? Should we try to consult an attorney and keep fighting the issue? Or does anyone know of a way to try and get her to agree to the new agreement?

Please help!!
Thanks,
V

I'm assuming the agreement was court sanctioned when it was first made. That means it has to be approved by the courts if its to be modified. So I don't see anyway to avoid going to court on this. Especially if the mother doesn't want any changes.

So you NEED an attorney who can help you navigate through the morass of Family Court. There is no predicting what a judge will do.

There is one thing beling left out here. I assume along with the visitation agreement there was a support agreement as well. If the reason your boyfriend wants more time is to reduce the support payments, that might not go well with a judge.

Yes first all he can do is go to court and get more visitation or ask for joint custody.

But people change jobs, and people lose insurance, that does not mean she is a bad mother, it means she is trying and working. And to me while a mohawk is silly it shows me she loves and spoils her son lettinghim get by with a little too much, but hair grows out, and again this does not meaan anything and is nothing for the court.

PG 13 TV or movies, that includes most disney movies and almost every show that comes out. Sorry but that is not really anything either considering the ratings today.

And again if she lets people she know, pick him up from day care ( most liekly because she is working) she does not have to tell her ex, it is none of his business, sorry but no court is going to order her to tell him things like that.

With all of this you have nothing to show to the courts that she is doing anything wrong, just working hard to be a good mother, But that does not mean you can't get more visit rights, But I would go at it showing that you merely love your child and want to be more of a parent

You want to transform the child custody from sole to joint.You have to prove in court that it is in the best interest of the child.It will be very very hard.

I completely agree with Fr_Chuck. People have different ways of parenting and different ideas about morals/ethics. Your husband may not agree with the mother but she has a right to parent any way she wants within reason. He is going to have to go to court if the mother will not agree. She may be more receptive if she doesn't feel threatened. As it is she may be feeling that your husband is ultimately trying to get full custody and is trying to hang on... Try just getting more visitation, overnight stays, weekends. Not asking for 50% right off might get more results from mom without going to court. Even if you go to court there is no guarantee that he will get 50/50 custody. Often courts don't like to change things. Basically, I think your best bet is trying to work something out will the mom. Cathy