Ask Me Help Desk - Suddenly feeling like nothing but a burden

Troubles with my mother.
I've been having difficulty in finding the right career for me. Currently I'm working as a nurse but I hate it, I'd want to move into either the operating theatre or working at the vets. I'm only 22 so I figured that I still had time to find my niche in the working world. Tonight my mum (60years old) told me that she expects me to come up with some sort of plan with my life by the end of the year. She wants to see me move out and get a house, and choose a career and stick to it. Apparently if you're 22 you should be considering a mortgage. She comes from a world where you went to college at 16 and stayed in that career until you met a man, then he would look after you. She told me she's sick of cooking my meals and doing my occasional ironing, and that I need to understand how I affect other people by still living at home.. and she hopes I can think about moving out soon as she's "getting old" and "doesn't want to look after anyone anymore". Everyone I know that's my age is still living at home, with the mean age of 'leaving the nest' being around 24-25.. and these parents are all happy with supporting their children until they're ready to move on. So for the past hour or so I've been bawling my eyes out thinking that I'm nothing but a burden, and that I have to now change my plans and possibly stay in a career I'm unsure about- just so my mum can get rid of me and be happy that I can have a stable and secure future. Never mind the hundreds of people who change from job to job, work overseas and the like.. I'm not them apparently. Most people these days change jobs and it seems normal.. as long as you have a steady income then who cares? Apparently I'm nothing if I change jobs. I guess I'm writing all this because I feel while my mum wants the best for me, she also is sick of me. And the tears won't stop flowing. Am I too old? Any opinions on the matter would be lovely.

You don't need a house and likely can't afford one. If you get a home, it should be 15 year fixed rate, the payment no greater than 25% of your take home pay... and you should put more than 0 down... :)

I'm sure she loves you and means well...

Nursing is a good career, nothing wrong with that as long as you like it.

Move out and let her stop mothering you. Then you can make your own decisions. You are not a burden, you are confused on what you want to do. To me you sound smart and grown up for 22. Nice! You take on what ever work suits you, not your mom. On the last part of your question about switching jobs, well, yes it is good to find somewhere that suits you and stay a while but you are so young, most people don't find a "keeper" until in their thirties... At least not the people I know. Don't quote me but you have the right to make your own decisions! Don't you cry honey, this is something that we all heard from our parents and we all came out of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by de88ie_9irl

Troubles with my mother.
I've been having difficulty in finding the right career for me. Currently I'm working as a nurse but i hate it, i'd want to move into either the operating theatre or working at the vets. I'm only 22 so I figured that I still had time to find my niche in the working world. Tonight my mum (60years old) told me that she expects me to come up with some sort of plan with my life by the end of the year. She wants to see me move out and get a house, and choose a career and stick to it. Apparently if you're 22 you should be considering a morgage. She comes from a world where you went to college at 16 and stayed in that career until you met a man, then he would look after you. She told me she's sick of cooking my meals and doing my occasional ironing, and that I need to understand how I affect other people by still living at home.. and she hopes I can think about moving out soon as she's "getting old" and "doesn't want to look after anyone anymore". Everyone I know that's my age is still living at home, with the mean age of 'leaving the nest' being around 24-25.. and these parents are all happy with supporting their children until they're ready to move on. So for the past hour or so i've been bawling my eyes out thinking that I'm nothing but a burden, and that I have to now change my plans and possibly stay in a career I'm unsure about- just so my mum can get rid of me and be happy that I can have a stable and secure future. Nevermind the hundreds of people who change from job to job, work overseas and the like.. I'm not them apparently. Most people these days change jobs and it seems normal.. as long as you have a steady income then who cares? Apparently I'm nothing if I change jobs. I guess I'm writing all this because I feel while my mum wants the best for me, she also is sick of me. And the tears won't stop flowing. Am I too old? Any opinions on the matter would be lovely.

Well... you are 22 and that's not a little girl anymore :)
You sound clever.

It's not such a bad thing to switch jobs... you are 22!
It may still take you some time to find what it is that makes you happy in terms of a career...

You make your own decisions.. it might be for the best to move out and begin your own life... you may be surprised how much you like it.

First of all, I think it is great that your mother was able to put her foot down and assert herself and communicate her needs. She has needs too and it isn't all about you.

You are 22. You're a grown up. It doesn't matter what your friends and their parents are doing because you are quite capable to taking care of yourself.

Guaranteed your mother loves you but that doesn't mean that you are entitled to a free ride. She is caring enough to give you a whole year to get your priorities in order. She is not just thrusting you out into the cold with nowhere to go.

You have your whole life ahead of you, and the average person changes their career three times or more in their lifetime and for the most part they aren't living at home with their mom. They are on their own supporting themselves dealing with and enjoy life as it comes.

She seems to just want to see you take initiative and take your future seriously and commit to something. She might believe that since she has been "taking care" of you all these years that you might not be equipped to deal with the real world when she has passed away. Why not give her some comfort so that she doesn't feel as concerned?