Ask Me Help Desk - Am I making a mistake?

Perhaps I'm being childish, but this whole relationship thing has suddenly struck me as requiring entirely too much effort. All the lies, all the games... And the worst of all, the cold shoulder, out of no where and entirely uncalled for... I understand that women likely need it to ward off the clingy types, but honestly... There is such as thing as blunt honesty. Has it really got to the point that being friendly with a girl is enough to turn her into an ice queen? That's what I hate more than anything - I ask a girl out, she doesn't have the guts to just say no so I get led on for a while, realize that she meant no, try to be friends and simply get ignored or treated like an a**. I didn't do anything except be straight forward and this is what I get?

Anyway, I can't deal with it. I simply can't be bothered - there's too much going on in my life and the stress of being lied to, played with and condescended upon is beyond my capacity. I'm going to let fate take its course and simply be friendly to people, no more, from now on. I've had sex, it was great, but I won't miss it. I've got a lot of things that define me beyond relationships, however nice they are. I'd rather have warm relations with people then risk them turning into some sort of jerk over me having the guts to actually make a move. If that's my reward then I think simply letting things happen is more worth my while.

Am I just being a wuss - a child? Am I making a mistake? I just don't want to put up with it anymore. Any effort beyond what I would normally exert, in the casual flow of events, shall be expunged. No chasing, zero, nada.

I expect this resolution won't last forever but it seems my youth can be much better spent on my ambitions and fun then being treated like dirt... Maybe it's because I always go after the pretty ones?

Anyway, just opening it up, I'm sure other people have had this thought...

Quote:

Originally Posted by LBP

Maybe it's because I always go after the pretty ones?..

Rule # 1 - PLEASE make sure they are pretty inside. PLEASE. I know girls who are beautiful both inside and out. Maybe what you mean is, their physical beauty blinds you from seeing their personality red flags. Believe me the flags are there. If they are selfish, or unkind, it will surface in a conversation, just listen more intently.

You maybe going after the same type of girl and there is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. I am sure everyone at one time or another felt the same. So take a break, throw your hands up in the air, say the heck with it. Go out and have fun. Be with good people.
Have a blast. Let friendships develop on there own.

LBP, please, don't think there is anything wrong with you or the way you are thinking. You may want to think about the type of girls you have a tendency to be attracted to. Listen when these girls talk. If they treat their friends, or families or coworkers like crap, guess what, might as well just add your name to the list.

Being upset and discouraged is understandable and happens to everyone. Nothing wrong with approaching someone who catches your eye, just make sure their insides are just as appealing. Okay?

Chin up and go out there and have yourself a great time.

By the way, great picture ;)

Going with the flow would be a good way to go. The best relationships are those that began in friendship. Simply plan to be everybody's best friend - both sexes. That one person is out there. Be patient and watch out for those red flags.

My dad always said, be it a friendship or relationship,that begins slow lasts longer... besides,. what you're going through is kind of salvation from relationships which I think everyone should go through some point or the other... to be able to do introspecition otherwise the vicious circle of unhealthy relationship goes on endlessly. And what's this pretty ladies thing... guess what I am pretty and good at heart too... hmm!!

I like that advice, be everyone's best friend... Of course, in my view, friendship means checking in to talk every so often, but sometimes it seems like sometimes women find this to be a little offensive/stalkerish? Like, there was a girl I met and who became friendly with that I talked to every so often, but never that often because we had some distance between us... So I thought I'd call her once in a while to maintain the connection... She has never once answered my calls or, the one time she did, promised to call me back and said she 'fell asleep.'

This is why I don't want to bother with anything more than the minimum... I guess I should just keep my friendly calls to myself! I don't want to give people the wrong impression.

Checking in with them every once in a while isn't going with the flow. Going with the flow means to simply be and accept whatever comes because it comes for a reason and all you have to do is go with it to whatever conclusion. A lot of acceptance and faith is needed as well as deciding to stay positive no matter what happens.

You can't change your basic personality but you can learn to moderate certain aspects of it. Maybe this 'checking in from time to time' is more of a need for attention on your part. Nothing wrong with that so long as you are aware of it and not becoming a nuisance to others.

If you're a high-maintenance type others will find it exhausting and you'll find them backing off. Again, nothing wrong here - it's all to do with being more aware of what you might be doing that causes others to back off.

We can fix almost anything once we realise it needs fixing.

This could well be true, though the people close to me tell me otherwise... Though, on the other hand, I've made this particularly self-serving thread. So where's the evidence?

I don't think I'm high-maintenance! Though who would? Typically I try to talk to my friends who I don't see during the 'flow' once every two weeks or so... This is clearly too often. Perhaps once a month or maybe just leave it to them? I suppose my 'real' friends will find me when they need me and everyone else doesn't really matter so much.

I think you have a good handle on it. And I think a good way to go would be to return calls and invites keeping a balance. Some people might just be finding it hard to keep up with you.

Then there are some people who find it hard to let go and simply want to have some kind of contact with everyone they know.

I think letting them come to you would be a good way to go and as you say at least that way you'll know who your real friends are.

I think if you stay true to yourself, and be honest with others you eliminate a lot of games and the people who play them. Happiness is loving yourself, and enjoy being yourself. Everything else falls into place ,and if it doesn't, you choose how you deal with it, if at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allheart

I know girls who are beautiful both inside and out.

Allheart, I thought your answer above was excellent but could not rate you as I had to spread the rep.

One Question though...

Can you introduce me to one of these women?
:)