Ask Me Help Desk - Noticed there are hardly any if at all any dumpers?

Noticed there are hardly any if at all any dumpers?

Have you noticed there are none if at all any dumpers on this forum. Well there we go, it says it all. Once your dumped its time for healing. Accept this harsh reality and concentrate on what you want from life and not what they want, your ex's confusion is their own and not yours. The best revenge is to be happy :)

Glad you noticed that fact, and now you know why the advice seems to be the same for everybody. Getting healthy and happy, as soon as possible is in your best interest.

It is very interesting that the dumpers aren't on here. I am working on being happy again.

Well the dumpers aren't hurting and looking for answers to try to make sense of what has happened like we dumpees are. That's what brings us here... confusion and pain.

In the past, when I dated I pretty did all the breaking up. When the tables were turned it was a bit of a shock but you always kind of know when it isn't a perfect match. Of course this was 15 years ago. I don't remember going through all the drama I see here daily. I went out and got hammered with my buddies. When asked how I was I answered "I got dumped! High five!" Then got taken home drunk at 10:30 p.m.

There's always been drama in relationships and there always will be. I was just talking to one of the sales girls at my office talking about her on and off relationship and she's in her 40's. Same sh*t happening every day to everyone.

It's different for every person who goes through dumping and being dumped. For those who felt a real love its not as easy to say "I got dumped! high five!" - however you could put on a false front I guess, might help a little : / ?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Have you noticed there are none if at all any dumpers on this forum. Well there we go, it says it all. Once your dumped its time for healing. Accept this harsh reality and concentrate on what you want from life and not what they want, your ex's confusion is their own and not yours. The best revenge is to be happy :)

Yea my boyfriend dumped me... I'm still trying to get over it

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Have you noticed there are none if at all any dumpers on this forum.

They don't deserve to be on here?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Well there we go, it says it all. Once your dumped its time for healing.

Yes indeed, Without this site it would taken longer to start healing myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

Accept this harsh reality and concentrate on what you want from life and not what they want

Yes, learned that from this site too!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

your ex's confusion is their own and not yours.

Yes, She's not my problem anymore! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

The best revenge is to be happy :)

Yes, can't wait till she finds out I'm happy without her and dating someone new (hopefully soon). And then thinks to herself "Man, I the biggest mistake of my life by dumping him again"

Well hate to say it guys but I'm a dumper
Usually with damn good reason too,
So if I can help ask me stuff.. heh..

There's lots of reasons to dump someone. The big problem is, in most cases, a dumper won't say a damn thing about what that reason is. All they do is disappear or spread lies and confusion. I think that, more than anything, is what drives people here.

If I had one straight forward second out of my ex when she was dumping me I would have got over things immeasurably more quick. But she couldn't do it. Bloody coward.

I absolutely agree. My ex really didn't give me any answers. I know what they could have been, but I am just guessing. Out of the blue. Then she contacted me after I sent her jewelry in the mail. She started the whole process over again. If she didn't want to be with me, why answer the phone or respond to a text message. I think she was just too confused with what she was doing, but now she has me confused.

After the first few times, who cares why they dump you? You still have to move on.

Mm always been clear when breaking up with an ex, always and will continue to be brutally honest when I end a relationship with someone.

I think the only time dumpers hurt and go through a grieveing process is if the dumpee hurt them in a major way such as cheating or abuse. So only in cases of dumping out of necessity will that really hurt.

I think the dumper has had time to think about it much more.

I was a dumper, because he cheated and lied throughout the relationship. I dumped him shortly after I found out. But I guess it doesn't count because in the end I was regected because he cheated. I was the one going through the shock and heartache.

When my ex broke up with me, I believe she was considering the breakup around 8 or so months before the breakup but quite frankly when I look back I think it was shortly after we got engaged but before the engagement party (funnily enough). She wanted to be single for a long time.

It took a lot for her to finally do it although I admit it was the third time. Then again she was very young when she met me (17) and I was 6 years older. After 3 years, she finally had enough of the relationship thing and even said she met me at the wrong time. The point is though, it must have been deep down, hard for her to do it... I don't think its easy to dump someone you care about and have spent a lot of time with. To see me in a lot of pain must have been hard for her unless she is inhuman. I'll admit she was quite nasty to me after the breakup and would not speak to me and was actually quite abusive on one occasion when I was trying to work it out. When I look back though, she was kind of being cruel to be kind. By not talking to me or being the way she was, at least it was not leading me on or giving me false hope.

I'm not sure if it was quite like that for her and I am not in her mind so can't retrospectively give her exact way of thinking (even though I knew her quite well). I think most of the work was done by me in terms of my healing and of course the support around me including AMHD. In the end, the only thing she had to do with my healing was to stay out of contact completely but I guess that is how it is for everyone and that is the way it is.

Pheeeeeewwwwww!! I just had to bang on about something this afternoon.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think the dumper has had time to think about it much more.

I think that this sums it all up really and that is why there are less dumpers on here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoffersonairplane

When my ex broke up with me, I believe she was considering the breakup around 8 or so months before the breakup but quite frankly when I look back I think it was shortly after we got engaged but before the engagement party (funnily enough). She wanted to be single for a long time.

It took a lot for her to finally do it although I admit it was the third time. Then again she was very young when she met me (17) and I was 6 years older. After 3 years, she finally had enough of the relationship thing and even said she met me at the wrong time. The point is though, it must have been deep down, hard for her to do it... I don't think its easy to dump someone you care about and have spent a lot of time with. To see me in a lot of pain must have been hard for her unless she is inhuman. I'll admit she was quite nasty to me after the breakup and would not speak to me and was actually quite abusive on one occasion when I was trying to work it out. When I look back though, she was kind of being cruel to be kind. By not talking to me or being the way she was, at least it was not leading me on or giving me false hope.

I'm not sure if it was quite like that for her and I am not in her mind so can't retrospectively give her exact way of thinking (even though I knew her quite well). I think most of the work was done by me in terms of my healing and of course the support around me including AMHD. In the end, the only thing she had to do with my healing was to stay out of contact completely but I guess that is how it is for everyone and that is the way it is.

Pheeeeeewwwwww!!!!! I just had to bang on about something this afternoon.

I hear you Geoff my ex was 6 years older then me. But that never stopped the love I had for her. She also said the same thing on our first breakup "We met at the wrong time". I think if ex stay way it helps. But for me she's been playing mind games and it's harder for me to move on.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SAB123

I hear you Geoff my ex was 6 years older then me. But that never stopped the love I had for her. She also said the same thing on our first breakup "We met at the wrong time". I think if ex stay way it helps. But for me she's been playing mind games and it's harder for me to move on.

Hmmmmm...

I'd like to date a woman 6 years older than me... I want to avoid the young ones now lol...

Thing is, I'm just not the same man as I was when I was my ex's age. I need to find a woman in her 30's that I can relate to and who knows what she wants. Mind you, I'm not looking, happy as I am at the moment.

Thing is (again)... For the first time in my life (in terms of the woman thing) I realise what it is I want.