My ex who is 18 now lost her virginity a then 27 year old when she was 16, this being northern ireland she was just a minor.

No one knows about this apart from me and a few of her friends. I want him to pay for what he did as I see it being sexual abuse.

Do I have any right in reporting it to someone, even her parents, she said it took two to tango but I just can't accept that. She has begged me not too and t be honest I'm trying to get her back so this would actually lessin my chances of that.

The problem is that he is a free presbyterian and acts like he is saved, he certainly isn't anymore as this happened not so long ago. Everyone seems to think he is a nice guy but I don't want to be seen as the bad guy if I do report him. My ex begged me not too when I first heard about it.

I feel that if I did report him, even to her parents then I would completely lose her altogether, its tearing me apart inside but by keeping quiet I still have some hope that she will come back.

Your advice would be very helpful.

Thank you

Dude... scare him,make him think you are going to tell. It would be best just to let it go she consented and 16 even though she was a minor she knew good and well what she was doing

Whatever you do, it shouldn't have anything to do with getting her back. Your using this event as some sort of ammunition in a battle to get her back. Its not going to work..

Personally, if you aren't together anymore, I'm not sure its any of your business. What she did in her past is just that, in her past. She wasn't raped, and she is damn right, it takes two to tango.

If the laws are similar to those in Canada or the US, the statute of limitations has most likely expired, meaning he can't be charged with a crime in court. What you decide to do from that point is your own decision.

If she is begging you to leave it alone, then you probably should or she might just leave.

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Originally Posted by sypher373

Whatever you do, it shouldn't have anything to do with getting her back. Your using this event as some sort of ammunition in a battle to get her back. Its not going to work..

Personally, if you aren't together anymore, im not sure its any of your business. What she did in her past is just that, in her past. She wasn't raped, and she is damn right, it takes two to tango.

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Ok first off, when I said getting her back I didn't mean any type of revenge, I meant getting her back into my life.

Secondly she told me how he drove her to his house, now its not rape but I'm pretty sure she couldn't just walk out the door. I know its non of my business but this guy took advantage of her, then when it was over just tossed her to one side.

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Originally Posted by zooropa1985

Ok first off, when i said gettin her back i didnt mean any type of revenge, i meant getting her back into my life.

Secondly she told me how he drove her to his house, now its not rape but im pretty sure she couldnt just walk out the door. i know its non of my business but this guy took advantage of her, then when it was over just tossed her to one side.

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I know what you meant by "getting her back", but generally if you get someone back using some sort of manipulative means, its not going to work even if they do come back. They need to come back on their own, otherwise the same issues will resurface.

From what you've said, it does sound like she was taken advantage of, and I understand why you'd be upset about it. I would be too. However, I'm not sure it's the wisest thing to say anything, especially after she told you she doesn't want you to...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sypher373

I know what you meant by "getting her back", but generally if you get someone back using some sort of manipulative means, its not going to work even if they do come back. They need to come back on their own, otherwise the same issues will resurface.

From what you've said, it does sound like she was taken advantage of, and I understand why youd be upset about it. I would be too. However, im not sure its the wisest thing to say anything, especially after she told you she doesn't want you to...

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You are right of course but he has already tried it on with one of her friends, I'm scared in case he goes for a more younger girl.

Look leave her and boyfriend alone and just accept that she don't want you anymore
Get your noise out of her bussinesss age is just a number

ALERT: This is not a good idea.

It wasn't then - still isn't.

You need to move on. Dragging her and some other guy into the court system on charges that would not likely hold up,
Is not wise. In fact, it is an indirect way of keeping her in your life that is not practical.

Please take some time to detox from this relationship. And come to this site when you feel... "weak" - move on buddy.

Making her past yours is not going to make your life better - really.

If she had asked for your help then... maybe. And then it's only a maybe... But she did not, so it's old news...

First Off Im Going to Say I'm From Limerick! Haha! Now That That's Clear.. Why don't You just Leave it Alone. If Its In The Past.. Its In The Past. Im Sure She's A lot Smarter Now And Probably Won't Do Something Like That Again. I Know You Care For Her But Getting Into Something You Have No Business Getting Into, Isn't Right. Im Sure She Just Doesn't Want To Start Anything With Her And Her Parents. Leave Her Off And Just Be A Good Friend :) Maybe That's Just What She Needs. G'Luck ! :)

Seriously, this is not your place to do a damn thing. She might tell you he forced, but how do you know that to be true? She hasn't said anything to anyone else, she doesn't want you telling anyone because he will get in trouble which mean she cares for the guy. Leave her and her life behind, your life is what you need to be concerned about. Stop trying to be superman

Hmmm OK guys this post is like a year old now, I kind of regret writing it so can we just let it die please