Ask Me Help Desk - She told me she still misses her ex.they are friends and still talk- what can I do?

I've been casually dating this girl for a little over a month now and there's a great connection. We both really like each other and I'm maintaining a good sense of control over the speed of our "relationship". It's nice and slow, and I have a good balance between her and my own life outside of seeing her. You guys will be proud... haha.

I didn't see her this past weekend despite her asking me to and on Sunday night she tells me that she was feeling weird but declined to go into detail and only said that she wished I was there to cuddle with her and fall asleep together.

We have plans for tonight, so yesterday she gives me a call just to solidfy these plans and after a few minutes of talking, she gives me the "can I be honest with you" line. I'm thinking, "uh oh..."

She went on to tell me that the reason why she was feeling weird this weekend was because she started missing her ex-bf of 3 years whom she broke up with about a year ago. They still talk, and are "friends". She came right out and told me that there is a possibility that they may once again be together- not anytime soon, but as she put it, she just wanted me to know that there is still this emotional attachement thing hanging over her head and the potential "us".

I acted calm and collected and simply told her that I didn't care about this little piece hanging over "us" and that she should do what she feels is right for her because I mean, there is no US right now- we are only casually dating... although I do like her a lot and would be more than happy to pursue a real relationship... the full nine-yards.

Truthfully though, this does bother me a bit. It makes me think, "what's the point?". I mean, it almost feels like she's pressuring me into moving faster than I would like to, else I'll lose her to the emotional attachment she feels for her ex. It's not fair to me or even herself that she has one leg in the past and the other in the present. I am preparing myself to walk away and give her space...

She added that she's dated many guys and none of them lasted for more than 2 weeks. She basically hinted that I was doing very well, and she told me that nobody else has given her what she's wanted. I have no idea what she's looking for but from the way she acts, it's almost as if she's seeking some sort of emotional fix that nobody has been able to fulfill but me so far...

I'm not sure what this conversation meant, but I appreciated her honesty. She kept saying how she's not seeing anyone else but me. I told her that I didn't care who she saw. She didn't really say anything.

I asked my friends and they all said that she's putting pressure on me to see her more. Whether she's simply using me for an emotional fix or she genuinely likes me and is simply confused is up for grabs... nobody I've asked knows. Do you all think that she's trying to pressure me? What's the deal here? I find it very strange (but very honest) that she simply comes out and tells me that she misses her ex!

Please help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gibblets

I've been casually dating this girl for a little over a month now and there's a great connection. We both really like each other and I'm maintaining a good sense of control over the speed of our "relationship". It's nice and slow, and I have a good balance between her and my own life outside of seeing her. You guys will be proud...haha.

I didn't see her this past weekend despite her asking me to and on Sunday night she tells me that she was feeling wierd but declined to go into detail and only said that she wished I was there to cuddle with her and fall asleep together.

We have plans for tonight, so yesterday she gives me a call just to solidfy these plans and after a few minutes of talking, she gives me the "can I be honest with you" line. I'm thinking, "uh oh..."

She went on to tell me that the reason why she was feeling wierd this weekend was because she started missing her ex-bf of 3 years whom she broke up with about a year ago. They still talk, and are "friends". She came right out and told me that there is a possibility that they may once again be together- not anytime soon, but as she put it, she just wanted me to know that there is still this emotional attachement thing hanging over her head and the potential "us".

I acted calm and collected and simply told her that I didn't care about this little piece hanging over "us" and that she should do what she feels is right for her because I mean, there is no US right now- we are only casually dating...although I do like her alot and would be more than happy to pursue a real relationship...the full nine-yards.

Truthfully though, this does bother me a bit. It makes me think, "what's the point?". I mean, it almost feels like she's pressuring me into moving faster than I would like to, else I'll lose her to the emotional attachment she feels for her ex. It's not fair to me or even herself that she has one leg in the past and the other in the present. I am preparing myself to walk away and give her space...

She added that she's dated many guys and none of them lasted for more than 2 weeks. She basically hinted that I was doing very well, and she told me that nobody else has given her what she's wanted. I have no idea what she's looking for but from the way she acts, it's almost as if she's seeking some sort of emotional fix that nobody has been able to fulfill but me so far...

I'm not sure what this conversation meant, but I appreciated her honesty. She kept saying how she's not seeing anyone else but me. I told her that I didn't care who she saw. She didn't really say anything.

I asked my friends and they all said that she's putting pressure on me to see her more. Whether she's simply using me for an emotional fix or she genuinely likes me and is simply confused is up for grabs...nobody I've asked knows. Do you all think that she's trying to pressure me? What's the deal here? I find it very strange (but very honest) that she simply comes out and tells me that she misses her ex!

Please help.

Have u ever told her what u feel?

Im not sure why she would use that as a means of speeding up the relationship. From my point of view, it seems that the opposite of what she wants. Maybe you should take a step back, and not let anything progress any further until she can be clear about what she feels. I wouldn't allow myself to get involved with someone whom I knew had an emotional attachment with someone else.

I would see it as a warning sign. Continue to see her casually, but always keep it in the back of your mind that there is an attachment to someone else, and don't let yourself get carried away.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mike_4993

have u ever told her wat u feel?

All I said was that I respect how she feels and that she should do what's right for her and not worry about this affecting me or us. I said that I like a challenge and that I'm a dude who rolls with the punches. She laughed, and I left it at that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sypher373

Im not sure why she would use that as a means of speeding up the relationship. From my point of view, it seems that the opposite of what she wants. Maybe you should take a step back, and not let anything progress any further until she can be clear about what she feels. I wouldn't allow myself to get involved with someone whom I knew had an emotional attachment with someone else.

I would see it as a warning sign. Continue to see her casually, but always keep it in the back of your mind that there is an attachment to someone else, and dont let yourself get carried away.

She always IMs me, calls me, and when we are together on dates she is all over me. Grabbing my hand in hers, cuddling into me, making plans for another date before our date is over, etc. There's no question that she's VERY into me. No question.

Should I ask her straight up how she feels about me? Just, point blank?

Well, you would ask her, but it seems pretty apparent that you already know the answer. The issue I see is that she is very into you, but is also emotionally into someone in her past. There is no law saying that she cannot be into two different people at the same time, and that seems to spell trouble for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sypher373

Well, you would ask her, but it seems pretty apparant that you already know the answer. The issue I see is that she is very into you, but is also emotionally into someone in her past. There is no law saying that she cannot be into two different people at the same time, and that seems to spell trouble for you.

So it pretty much boils down to the fact that I need to create a stronger attraction to myself from her than she has for her ex?

Women are all about emotion- so I got to create an emotional pull towards me.

I mean, how do women cheat? They find a guy who they feel stronger towards, thereby "overrriding" their commitment to a boyfriend. It's all about passion.

Question is, how do I do it?