Ask Me Help Desk - Should We Divorce

I have been in my marriage for almost 3 years (May 11 will be 3 yrs).

I LOVE my husband but I'm having a hard time deal with the issues we are having.
We had a long talk last night because I suggested that we separate and try to work things out.

Our problems are that he is financially irresponsible and can not manage money, he does not like to talk about things that are bothering him, and we go anywhere from six to eight months at a time without having sex (he doesn't want to have sex with me)!
I admit, I slipped and slept with someone else when we were on a nine month span without sex! I told him and he understood why I slipped! He promised he would seek help for whatever may be bothering him.

He hasn't! I'm so lost and I am really unhappy! I love him and want to make it work. He wants me to give him six more months to prove himself. But, he also said I would have to go six more months without any sex (that will put me at one year without! )!:eek: :eek:

I want to try but I know myself well enough to that sex is an important part of a marriage! We use to have sex 2X a day and now I'm lucky if it happens once every few weeks! Should I just get out now or put forth one more effort to try and my this work one last time? :confused: :confused:

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrownSparrow

I have been in my marriage for almost 3 years (May 11 will be 3 yrs).

I LOVE my husband but I'm having a hard time deal with the issues we are having.
We had a long talk last night because I suggested that we separate and try to work things out.

Our problems are that he is financially irresponsible and can not manage money, he does not like to talk about things that are bothering him, and we go anywhere from six to eight months at a time without having sex (he doesn't want to have sex with me)!!
I admit, I slipped and slept with someone else when we were on a nine month span without sex! I told him and he understood why I slipped! He promised he would seek help for whatever may be bothering him.

He hasn't! I'm so lost and I am really unhappy! I love him and want to make it work. He wants me to give him six more months to prove himself. But, he also said I would have to go six more months without any sex (that will put me at one year without!!)!:eek: :eek:

I want to try but I know myself well enough to that sex is an important part of a marriage! We use to have sex 2X a day and now I'm lucky if it happens once every few weeks! Should I just get out now or put forth one more effort to try and my this work one last time??:confused: :confused:

If that is your problem,I suggest you back to your religious.recall back what you had promised with your spouse.if there is no way out, its better for you to break off.. I'm vey pleaed to hear from you soon.. praise for a happy life for you... may God bless you..

Get marriage counseling. Get it now.

If he is unwilling to go with you, that says more to me about his willingness to work on things than what he's saying with his mouth.

There are more issues going on here than no sex and money matters, and you will probably need the help of a marriage counselor to get to the bottom of it

It is better to try once more

Before ever leaving a marriage, you've got to know that you gave it all you got. All you got for some is 6 months. All you got for others is 10 years. Here's the deal:

You lose nothing by giving him the additional 6 months. Really. I know sex is a misdemeanor (the more you miss, the meaner you get) however, you are in control of your body. The mind tells the body what to do and not the other way around. Give him the time he's asked for and let me tell you why.

I truly believe what Maya Angelou says when she says "When someone shows you who they are, believe them..." and you need to be able to walk away from this marriage knowing you did everything you could to hold your end of the deal up but, if after that 6 months that he begged you for, he doesn't come to the table and show up for you the way you've showed up for him, don't waste anymore time. Don't even here about it.

Yes, marriage is for better for worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, but that is only when you have two people IN the marriage to begin with. If he knows what your needs are and he's using your need for sex to punish you, you're not in a marriage; you're in a prison and you must act accordingly.

Remember: It's not whether someone loves you that counts; it's whether they wake up everday and CHOOSE you... Is your husband doing that and are you doing that for him is the real question? One person can't do it alone. Everyday, both people have to wake up and choose each other.

All is well...

Unhappily Married