Pep Talk
The sales manager was wrapping up her pep talk to new staff members. "Just remember this," she said. "Always be sincere, whether you mean it or not."
Card Game
Two elderly gentlemen are playing cards on Saturday evening just as they have done for the past 50 years.
Gus, the elder, had been having problems remembering what cards were what, and usually needed help from his wife. At the end of the card game Red said to Gus, "You did very good tonight. You didn't need any help at all. Why is that?"
Gus replied, "Why, ever since my wife sent me to that memory school, I haven't had any problems at all."
"Memory school? What memory school?"
Gus thought for a moment, "Oh, what's that flower that's red with thorns? A really pretty flower . . . "
"A rose?" asked Red.
"Yeah, that's it!" Gus turned to his wife and mumbled, "Hey, Rose! What's the name of that memory school you sent me to?"
Enough is Enough
One night recently, my phone rang several times throughout the evening. Each time, a woman's voice asked for Ben.
Each time I politely explained that I lived alone, my name wasn't Ben, and she had a wrong number. The fifth time she called, I had had enough.
"Hello?" I said.
"Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
"Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago and said that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean... who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?"
"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't.
"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..."
For The Kids...
Why do witches scratch themselves all the time?
Because they're the only ones who know where a witch itches!
Do you know that Dracula wants to be a comedian?
He's still looking for a crypt writer though!
What do you call an extinct hairy beast?
A were-wolf!
Where do mummies go if they want to swim?
The Dead Sea!
What happens if you cross a werewolf and a sheep?
You have to get a new sheep!
Why are vampire families so close?
Because blood is thicker than water!
What is fearsome, hairy and drinks from the wrong side of a glass?
A werewolf with hiccups!
