Ask Me Help Desk - I'm having trust issues.

I need some advice.

I love my current boyfriend so much. We plan on getting married, having kids and growing old together... but lately, I have been having trust issues.

Here is the background.

Before my boyfriend and I met, I was in a relationship with this other guy. He ended up cheating on me the whole time we were dating with his exgirlfriend. I had no idea, so how I found out was by her messaging me and telling me. When I met my current boyfriend, he was in the middle of a divorce. His exwife left him. And I was scared that she would want him back... and she even did ask him back at their financial meeting. Thankfully, he said no way. That helped me gain trust in him.

When we started dating, I lived about 5 minutes away from him, so basically, we were together every day and night. It was so perfect and great.

Well, recently, I decided to go back to school, so I moved north an hour away to attend a community college. I only get to see him on weekends and on wednesdays.

The fact that I don't see him everyday is driving me insane, not to mention the porno I found on his computer last weekend.

I am just scared. I want to trust him so badly, but I have been walked all over in my last relationship, that its very hard for me to build the trust.

How am I suppose to build trust?
Does anyone have words of advice to help me. I know I didn't really ask a specific question, but Im not sure what I'm feeling.

"How am I suppose to build trust?"

I don't think you can. He needs to be seen to be trust worthy. He needs to want the same things you want - or he is going to look elsewhere. What I do know though is that if you continue to mistrust him without good reason, you will drive him away.

Try to relax and simply go with the flow. Allow the relationship to unfold at it's on pace. But only for as long as you are happy with the relationship. If you still see a problem you must sit down together and discuss it openly and honestly.

Let your feeling be know.

Stop driving yourself crazy. You can't control what other people do anyway. Don't be scared just do your thing... concentrate on school and don't worry about it so much. If it's meant to be it will be. Don't worry about the porn... it's just a guy thing... it doesn't have anything to do with you. Like Bluerose said-you will push him away if you continue to mistrust.

He has porn and you are freaking out? I'll applogize for the man and say... sorry for having testatorone and being the thing called a m.a.l.e. :D anyway... dont worry too much, you are pretty much worrying over nothing. He did nothing to lose that trust... he trusts you... how fair is that?

The prorno is probably a good thing. He watches that instead of cheating on you. :D

I can understand were you are coming from, you're ex boyfriend who cheated on you in cases all these trust issues and you don't want to get hurt again. That's completley a normal reaction after going through that.

But this fella you have now sounds like he wouldn't do that to you. I'm sure you are worring about nothing. Just relax and go with the flow.

Best of luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilvegangrl

I need some advice.

I love my current boyfriend so much. We plan on getting married, having kids and growing old together.... but lately, i have been having trust issues.

Here is the background.

Before my boyfriend and I met, i was in a relationship with this other guy. He ended up cheating on me the whole time we were dating with his exgirlfriend. I had no idea, so how i found out was by her messaging me and telling me. When I met my current boyfriend, he was in the middle of a divorce. His exwife left him. And I was scared that she would want him back... and she even did ask him back at their finacial meeting. Thankfully, he said no way. That helped me gain trust in him.

When we started dating, I lived about 5 minutes away from him, so basically, we were together every day and night. It was so perfect and great.

Well, recently, I decided to go back to school, so i moved north an hour away to attend a community college. I only get to see him on weekends and on wednesdays.

The fact that i don't see him everyday is driving me insane, not to mention the porno i found on his computer last weekend.

I am just scared. I want to trust him so badly, but i have been walked all over in my last relationship, that its very hard for me to build the trust.

how am I suppose to build trust?
does anyone have words of advice to help me. I know I didn't really ask a specific question, but Im not sure what im feeling.

Well firstly don't worry about the porn. Boys will be boys... about the other stuff, if he has never cheated before... don't worry about it. If he makes sure to do everything cautiously, so as not to hurt your feeling, even accidentally, don't worry. If he flirts a lot... dump him. Easy enough. Sny guy who flirts doesn't care about how you feel... and you are way better than

I Know from experience that not trusting your partner will push them away even though I know he hasn't done anything wrong. So please don't do it. We have been separated for nearly a month now. I left him though because I was driving myself crazy and couldn't take it anymore. We are getting on now and I told him I felt ready to come back now but now he doesn't want me back. Please don't push your partner away if you are not absolutely sure he is doing something wrong.

I know it is so hard to keep all these thoughts from your mind. But just keep telling yourself that this man isn't your ex and everyone isn't the same.
Xx

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilvegangrl

I need some advice.

I love my current boyfriend so much. We plan on getting married, having kids and growing old together.... but lately, i have been having trust issues.

Here is the background.

Before my boyfriend and I met, i was in a relationship with this other guy. He ended up cheating on me the whole time we were dating with his exgirlfriend. I had no idea, so how i found out was by her messaging me and telling me. When I met my current boyfriend, he was in the middle of a divorce. His exwife left him. And I was scared that she would want him back... and she even did ask him back at their finacial meeting. Thankfully, he said no way. That helped me gain trust in him.

When we started dating, I lived about 5 minutes away from him, so basically, we were together every day and night. It was so perfect and great.

Well, recently, I decided to go back to school, so i moved north an hour away to attend a community college. I only get to see him on weekends and on wednesdays.

The fact that i don't see him everyday is driving me insane, not to mention the porno i found on his computer last weekend.

I am just scared. I want to trust him so badly, but i have been walked all over in my last relationship, that its very hard for me to build the trust.

how am I suppose to build trust?
does anyone have words of advice to help me. I know I didn't really ask a specific question, but Im not sure what im feeling.

I don't think he is cheating. I sort of went through the same way with my boyfriend in the past that I've been with for almost a year. He is divorced and his ex-wife left him too. When she found out that he was in a relationship she started wedging in between us. But, he didn't allow it. He also has porn magazine(s) and I think maybe a DVD. But, my point is I wouldn't be worrying. At first when I found the porn stuff, I was upset, but then later on found out that some guys wouldn't be normal WITHOUT it! Lol! You probably are feeling this way because of the experience you went through in you past relationship. Unless he's giving you a true fact that he's not faithful to you, don't bother with the subject. Because what's going to happen, you'll start not trusting him, then you'll bring it to his attention, then you've driven him away. And I'm sure that's not what you want. Good luck to you!