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-   -   I'm 16 and I want to live with my mom. What do I do? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=87341)

  • Apr 28, 2007, 11:41 PM
    billay909
    I'm 16 and I want to live with my mom. What do I do?
    Here's the story: My mom had planned to move to Texas, and eventually we went to court. I had had a chance to talk with the mediator and everything, but then, my dad hired a lawyer. Unfortunately for myself, my mom can't afford a lawyer, so we had no choice but to drop the case. Another unusual thing about the whole situation is that at one court hearing, which happens to be the last, I do believe, there judge assigned to my particular case was not present, and there was a sit-in who had no idea of what exactly was going on. In the end, my dad ended up with more physical custody than he originally had. Court has been over for a few months now, and it seems all has cooled down a bit, but there's still the unbearable tension at my dad's house.

    At my mom's I have some privacy, while at my dad's, I have none. We live in a 2 bed room house with FIVE PEOPLE, not to mention all the kids my stepmom babysits. To make this clear, I love my stepmom to death, but my dad has mistreated her and me. He is very manipulative, and in fact can take any argument you have against him and turn it to his favor. I hate being in that type of environment and I have a burning desire to get out. Now that my mom has decided to not move to Texas and stay here with me, I still want to get out of my dad's house for good. I can't stand living there anymore, and I need to find a way out. I've tried reasoning with him in every way possible, but he is just not a reasonable person.

    I've probably made this whole situation sound a lot worse than it really is, but the feelings inside me are so strong, and I can't deal anymore.
  • Apr 30, 2007, 01:31 PM
    startover22
    Is there a school counselor in your school? If so, they can point you in the right direction. Are you over the age of 13? In some states that is the age when you get a choice on where to live. I guess I should ask why your mom didn't get custody? Were there issues with her? If you can get to someone who might be able to help, that would be the best idea.
  • Apr 30, 2007, 04:41 PM
    billay909
    My dad got a lawyer and my mom couldn't afford it, so we pretty much gave up. And no there are no issues with my mom, except she's depressive, but my dads bipolar, which is way worse, I kind of get a mix of the both, but only when I'm with my dad. I've talked to my school counselor a million times, she can't do anything for me.
  • Apr 30, 2007, 04:50 PM
    startover22
    Ok, I am going to do some checking into this. Has anyone asked you what you want? Can you tell the truth in front of your father? Are you over 13, cause like I said that is normally the age where you get to pick who to live with. Check into that with your counselor, tell her you really would like some info on how to get something like this started. It is all about taking that step. Talk to her again tomorrow, ask her where you need to go to change where you live.
  • Apr 30, 2007, 05:01 PM
    startover22
    Ok, I just went online and looked around. Honey you really don't have a choice. Unless your dad agrees to let you go. Maybe you can write him a letter, maybe he will listen maybe he won't. Tell him how you are feeling. Unless you think he will hurt you, I think anyone reasonable will listen to you. Is he reasonable?
  • Apr 30, 2007, 05:04 PM
    billay909
    No he's not reasonable. The whole thing that really gets at me is the fact that there wasn't even a real judge at the most important hearing of the whole thing. It was a sit in, and didn't know anything about the case. The mediator recommended that I go live with my mom. BTW I'm 16 years old. My dad won't listen at all, that's the whole reason we had to take it to court.
  • Apr 30, 2007, 05:08 PM
    startover22
    Did you get my message, about maybe having the step mom come into the picture?
  • Apr 30, 2007, 06:02 PM
    Fr_Chuck
    First I don't know where startover keeps getting thie 13 or what ever, all that does is what age the judge will listen to you and let you say where you want ( but can still rule against what you want)

    There is no age in any state that allows you just to move and do what you want. It is always up to the judge. So they had a hearing and your mom lost because she could not afford an attorney.

    She needs ( or needed) to check into legal aid society in your area to use in courts. But unless she goes back to court, and gets custody, you have to stay with your dad.

    I know this is not what you want to hear but it is just the way it really is.
    But that "sit in" had to be a real judge, not the regular judge assigned to that court, he may have been a retired judge, a judge form another court but he had to be a real judge just to sit and hear the case.

    So at this point, your mom will need to refile, and not stop with the case.
  • May 1, 2007, 09:14 AM
    startover22
    Yes, I just checked on the age thing and Fr_Chuck is right. I think your mom needs to take the first steps in this one. On the other hand while you are waiting for all of that, please try to make the best of what you have. Concentrate on school and your friends and making your stay with your dad a better one, through your actions. Good luck!
  • Jun 17, 2007, 01:39 PM
    steffy_bear
    Well, my parents are divorced and I know once you turn 13 that you have a choice one who you want to be with. Just tell someone and it will happen.
  • Jun 17, 2007, 02:13 PM
    rockstar567
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by billay909
    Here's the story: My mom had planned to move to texas, and eventually we went to court. I had had a chance to talk with the mediator and everything, but then, my dad hired a lawyer. Unfortunately for myself, my mom can't afford a lawyer, so we had no choice but to drop the case. Another unusual thing about the whole situation is that at one court hearing, which happens to be the last, I do believe, there judge assigned to my particular case was not present, and there was a sit-in who had no idea of what exactly was going on. In the end, my dad ended up with more physical custody than he originally had. Court has been over for a few months now, and it seems all has cooled down a bit, but there's still the unbearable tension at my dad's house.

    At my mom's I have some privacy, while at my dad's, I have none. We live in a 2 bed room house with FIVE PEOPLE, not to mention all the kids my stepmom babysits. To make this clear, I love my stepmom to death, but my dad has mistreated her and me. He is very manipulative, and in fact can take any argument you have against him and turn it to his favor. I hate being in that type of environment and I have a burning desire to get out. Now that my mom has decided to not move to Texas and stay here with me, I still want to get out of my dad's house for good. I can't stand living there anymore, and I need to find a way out. I've tried reasoning with him in every way possible, but he is just not a reasonable person.

    I've probably made this whole situation sound alot worse than it really is, but the feelings inside me are so strong, and I can't deal anymore.
    go up to him & tell him how you feel. & tell him that you want to be with your mom right now cause wat he is doing is not nice & you can't stand it anymore
  • Mar 11, 2008, 07:41 AM
    toddles93
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by billay909
    Here's the story: My mom had planned to move to texas, and eventually we went to court. I had had a chance to talk with the mediator and everything, but then, my dad hired a lawyer. Unfortunately for myself, my mom can't afford a lawyer, so we had no choice but to drop the case. Another unusual thing about the whole situation is that at one court hearing, which happens to be the last, I do believe, there judge assigned to my particular case was not present, and there was a sit-in who had no idea of what exactly was going on. In the end, my dad ended up with more physical custody than he originally had. Court has been over for a few months now, and it seems all has cooled down a bit, but there's still the unbearable tension at my dad's house.

    At my mom's I have some privacy, while at my dad's, I have none. We live in a 2 bed room house with FIVE PEOPLE, not to mention all the kids my stepmom babysits. To make this clear, I love my stepmom to death, but my dad has mistreated her and me. He is very manipulative, and in fact can take any argument you have against him and turn it to his favor. I hate being in that type of environment and I have a burning desire to get out. Now that my mom has decided to not move to Texas and stay here with me, I still want to get out of my dad's house for good. I can't stand living there anymore, and I need to find a way out. I've tried reasoning with him in every way possible, but he is just not a reasonable person.

    I've probably made this whole situation sound alot worse than it really is, but the feelings inside me are so strong, and I can't deal anymore.
    Man I got almost the same thing my mom talks to me and is nice but my dad checks my email my mail everything I have no privacy and I think that you can since your 16 but what should I do cuzz my dad I think will get madd if I tell him that I want to live with my mom cuzz I know I can do good now and he thinks I'll just mess up again

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