I am so confused... He has been married before for only a couple years. He is almost 40, I have known him for 3 years we have been together for 4 months... It is an amazing relationship I have never been happier! He treats me well and everyone loves him but, I woke up this morning and made coffee and started watching the news... I glanced over to all the birthday cards he recently received that he put on his fireplace mantel... I though one was particularly clever from what I could read just on the outside of the card it was funny... so I picked it up and it was a long love letter inside hand written about how much this guy is still in love with my boyfriend and the biggest mistake he ever mad was letting him go! :( OMG I am sooooo confused he obviously has had a relationship with this man... He(myBF) has mentioned this guy to me before said that he had a roommate and I thought nothing of it... I don’t know what to think

Can he love me and be straight and have had a gay experience or am I kidding myself?

PLEASE help me!

How long ago was this relationship? If this was a college roommate, he might have been experimenting sexually. Usually, it is a higher percentage of women that do this, but men do it too.

I don't know if it is fair to you or your BF, for a stranger to analyze what this means and come up with a definite answer for you. Do you have any doubts at all about his love for you? Is your sex life good? Do you know why his marriage failed? Have you spoken with him about all or any of this? The only way you are going to know the answers to your questions is if you communicate your concerns to him and have a long, rational discussion about your relationship with each other.

You should ask him, hopefully he will be open and honest with you.
If you love each other then their should not be any secrets.

He is still gay. You don't do that and quit. If he didn't still have feelings the card would be thrown away

When we are younger we experment. I did. I think like the other posts you need to talk to him and have him tell you his side, before you go jumping to concluisions. If he does tell you that he had a relationship with that man then you need to decide if that is okay with you or not. There are many men out there that are bisexual.

That's bull jesushelper. If a man takes it U know where or gives it you know where to another man willingly without duress, he is gay. You can't be gay one day and change back. You can fool some people, but in the end it will surface. It is what it is, but it is true.

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Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

How long ago was this relationship? If this was a college roommate, he might have been experimenting sexually. Usually, it is a higher percentage of women that do this, but men do it too.

I don't know if it is fair to you or your BF, for a stranger to analyze what this means and come up with a definite answer for you. Do you have any doubts at all about his love for you? Is your sex life good? Do you know why his marriage failed? Have you spoken with him about all or any of this? The only way you are going to know the answers to your questions is if you communicate your concerns to him and have a long, rational discussion about your relationship with each other.

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The relationship from what I can tell was more than 7 years ago...

Was not a college thing...

I do not have any doubts about his care for me he is very adoring and sweet. He loves I am sure

Sex life is OK he has a mild case of ED Erectile dysfunction... or is it that I don't turn him on enough??

I can't ask him I need to either live with it or not.

Frankly, if he was involved with this other guy for 7 years and he has "a mild case of ED" it means that he is probably in denial about his sexuality.. The guy is either gay or bisexual. He may be adoring and sweet. But, you are right, you need to figure out if you can live with this.

I will add that if you can't speak with him about this it does not bode well for your relationship. One of the earmarks of a good relationship is communication. It is key to being able to work through obstacles that pop up throughout our lives. It is one of the many reasons many marriages end in divorce.

I think this is strange. If this man knew he had forgotten to tell you about his relationship with this man, then why did he leave this card where you could find it? All women would have a sneeky look and no man should be daft enough not to expect this. Why didn't you just ask him about it though? I would not have been able to keep quiet. Nothing anybody on here can tell you is going to give you the answers you want, but he can. I suspect leaving the card out was his 'subtle' way of bringing the subject up with you. This doesn't definitely make him gay, he could be bi sexual but really you need to hear his explanation for yourself to make this decision.

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Originally Posted by RubyPitbull

How long ago was this relationship? If this was a college roommate, he might have been experimenting sexually. Usually, it is a higher percentage of women that do this, but men do it too.

I don't know if it is fair to you or your BF, for a stranger to analyze what this means and come up with a definite answer for you. Do you have any doubts at all about his love for you? Is your sex life good? Do you know why his marriage failed? Have you spoken with him about all or any of this? The only way you are going to know the answers to your questions is if you communicate your concerns to him and have a long, rational discussion about your relationship with each other.

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Very good answer.

Have to spread the Rep Ruby, but I completely agree with you.

Communication is key to the development and life of your relationship. This is a serious matter that you need to be able to discuss with your boyfriend. I bet he will be very frank with you.

Isn't it better to get an answer from him than from a stranger? But, please keep us posted.

Why pamper people with bull. Each of you know that if your spouse told you um I used to be gay, or (since it does not make you gay to have sex with the same sex) I used to have sex with members of the same sex you would not stay. Then to find this out on your own becsue they left evidence laying around the house. Please there is no other way to explain it. To savage (good name) and rockabilly I wish I could see this from the cloudy glass you were viewing it through. WAKE UP.

Sexuality is on a continuum. Most people don't fit at one end or the other but at various points in between. Bisexuality is real. That doesn't mean someone cannot be in a committed, monogamous relationship. He may have been in a same sex relationship before but now he isn't... Should he be punished for who he cared for? I do agree that open communication is vital though. Only he can allay any fears, misconceptions. You need to be open and nonjudgemental if you want truth and honesty. People who can't see bisexuality are the same people who only see black and white with no shades of grey. Please talk with your partner.

E3317, I don't think anyone is pampering Bella with bull. She is in a relationship. She is in love with this guy. You are stating your opinion. I understand where you are coming from. You have to understand that you need to look past the surface question, and dig a little to see where someone's head is at. Then, you try to help them from your objective position. She is looking for constructive answers and guidance because she is upset and worried. Sometimes, you need to take the long way around a situation, to get people to think things through on their own, for them to get to a point where they will come to a decision as to how to handle a situation or what they need to do. Hitting them over the head with a sledgehammer really isn't an effective way to help people. ;)

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Originally Posted by 1badchoice

Sexuality is on a continuum. Most people don't fit at one end or the other but at various points in between. Bisexuality is real. That doesn't mean someone cannot be in a committed, monogamous relationship. He may have been in a same sex relationship before but now he isn't...... Should he be punished for who he cared for? I do agree that open communication is vital though. Only he can allay any fears, misconceptions. You need to be open and nonjudgemental if you want truth and honesty. People who can't see bisexuality are the same people who only see black and white with no shades of grey. Please talk with your partner.

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Okay... after careful consideration, I am going to casually bring it up (the funny card) and see where we can go from there...

I really don’t think he will admit to me what has happened (with this guy) he has made comments about gay guys before (He has a gay/drug addict uncle with HIV) he obviously would not want to be thought of as someone like that.

People expect a lot of him.

I guess I am just hoping that this is something that he will be willing to talk to me about or this relationship is over.

I will let you know tomorrow

Quote:

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Originally Posted by 1badchoice

Sexuality is on a continuum. Most people don't fit at one end or the other but at various points in between. Bisexuality is real. That doesn't mean someone cannot be in a committed, monogamous relationship. He may have been in a same sex relationship before but now he isn't...... Should he be punished for who he cared for? I do agree that open communication is vital though. Only he can allay any fears, misconceptions. You need to be open and nonjudgemental if you want truth and honesty. People who can't see bisexuality are the same people who only see black and white with no shades of grey. Please talk with your partner.

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Sorry, 1bad, I didn't see this post when I posted. I have to spread some rep before I can give you another, but wanted to let you know what you have said here is perfect.


Bella, I am glad you have come to the decision to speak with him about this. Yes, please keep us posted on what happens. We will be here for you.

OK bella when you ask him and he lets you know the truth please let the rest of them know what I already know

I am not gay but have 'experimented' and thought I was gay at one point before my first proper GF (ex) - which may I add the most amazing time in my life! She did find out... which made things a bit bad at one point but hey. I loved her and would never hurt her - hopefully same goes for the posters partner.

His past is his past!

E3317 What are yo on about hun?

Well, maybe when he was younger and tried the wild side he found it wasn't for him. Maybe that's what it took to know he didn't like playing the beef Bugle, or playing butt pirate. Worry about the here and now. That's what matters most. Most people have done things in the past they aren't proud of, or have just moved on.