Hey all,

Im just looking for anyone who maybe has expierenced the same thing I'm going through now. My ex and I still talk, very seldom, but once in a while. For the last month+, I have had no issue not talking to her for long periods. She is at school, busy, working, with friends, whatever -- and it hasn't bothered me.

Today, all of a sudden, an issue which occurred over two months ago came into my head again and has been screwing with me. Though I was over it, and didn't think once about it for quite a while, I suddenly finding myself not able to believe her explanations, etc...

Is it normal for me to have a day where I feel like I NEED to talk to her, a day when the possesiveness and desperation comes back to haunt me, after so many weeks without it? I don't plan on contacting her because of this, and if she tries to contact me, I may ignore it to prevent the inevitable 'awkwardness' of me bringing up my feelings.

Just part of the healing process? Should I just wait it out?

Thanks

What's the deal? You're being a little vague.

You will get all kinds of flashbacks and have days of confusion and mixed up feelings. All normal so just muddle through and find something else to focus on. After more than 35 years I still get those old memories of my exes, popping through my head. So join the party and just give it a sigh, and get on with the day.

What are you trying to say? That you still have feelings for her but you do not want to pursue those feelings? And now you are trying to avoid her so nothing happens? I'm guessing that's what your question is, right?

When you do break up with someone very special, it does come back to haunt you. Whether it is a week later, months, maybe even years, you are always going to have this thought in your head "what if." Then those what if feelings are going to cause you to think about all the good times and the things you miss about that person. Then that's when you feel the need to talk to them all the time about everything and anything. It sucks I know, but it happens to the best of us. It is part of the healing process as you said. Don't worry it'll pass eventually. Just try to stay busy and ignore her if you have to, unless you really want to try again or try to be friends or something. Sorry I'm not much help, but good luck

To LBP and Becca:

I didn't want to go too in depth with it as I have annoyed the hell out of everyone on here enough with my story. My last posts where a bit involved and long and drawn out...

All I am saying is that I was doing well with limited communication, talking only as friends for quite some time. Suddenly, last night and today, it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks, and I started to have doubts and insecurities about things I don't even know are true. I was just looking for assurance that these roadblocks are completely normal.

Specifically, what it came down to, was something that set me off a few months ago, and I asked her about it. After she explained it, it turned out that my mind blew it way out of proportion, and it was nothing to be upset about. However, today I started thinking about it and wondering if it was all just a lie and she wasn't being honest with me. I want to ask her about it (again), but know that isn't smart, and I should just take everything for what it is.

Thanks again guys for the responses :)

We all think about things from our pasts that may not have been fully resolved. Doesn't matter how important they are... from time to time, I find myself worrying over something from ten or fifteen years ago that wasn't even important at the time, but which bugged me. I'm talking about little things, like forgetting to bring paper napkins for a party at school. God forbid I start thinking about the warning signs about a friend who committed suicide five years ago...

It's perfectly normal. What you have to do is remember that the past is the past, and no amount of thinking about that will change it. Even more importantly, ask yourself if finding out whether it's truth or a lie will make you happy. My guess is it won't.

So anyway, to answer your questions... Yes, it's normal. Something major changed in your life, and you're still not feeling like your day-to-day life now is normal for you. No, it's not really part of the healing process specifically... it's just part of being human. You'll always think of what-ifs, and second guess yourself, and wonder about people long after it can have any bearing on your life. Maybe you should wait it out... it's really hard to say what the best course of action is to help get past this. You may be better served to follow through each answer to your question and see where it leads you... but that has its own dangers.

If anything I find that after a while of just getting on with your own life it makes it quite a comfort in some ways knowing a person a little better because they can be a better friend if your able to put aside feelings that will make a situation awkward and like the pro said give it a sigh and carry on. I am learning a little slower than I'd like to but being only 21 what can I expect. Things take time so you've as I have, have got to understand that just as problems in a relationship take time to overcome, things after a relationship take time as well. So chin up really it often makes the other party realise what they are missing friendship wise as a lot of the time it is that, that you will have had with them. There is no need for situations to be awkward unless that is what you feel you want to do, so generally if your happy then others can be. We all pick up on each others moods and emotions which can only be determined by that person, no one else.

It is normal, just stay on the path you're on and this feeling will pass. It's a roller coaster to heal after a break up

I wouldn't say you're over her yet but you are well on your way. Some people never get over the ex until they find someone else. But yes it is normal, don't give in to it and look for her to talk instead just keep your distance.