For those of you who don't follow my frequent updates on my love life, I've been seeing this girl (who I really like) for about a month now and we've been hanging out pretty much once a week. This past week I slept over her place and originally had made tentative plans with her to go hiking this weekend in NH, but I checked the weather and wrote her an e-mail to post-pone while I was at work yesterday. We are not in a committed relationship by the way.

Later on at night, she called me and asked why I didn't want to hang out with her. She also picked apart my e-mail where I said "maybe next time I sleep over we can do just a TINY bit more sleeping?" and thought I was rejecting her advances! I was just so tired at work the next day, but I really enjoyed spending the night with her.

So for this weekend, she kept offering herself. She was like, well if you want to see your friends I can just tag along! Or if you don't want to drive into the city, I can take the commuter rail train and come see you. I told her I'd let her know, and a few minutes later was when she called me and started getting weird on me.

I just don't want to fall into a pattern or schedule of seeing her. I don't want to be like, "oh hey look! it's Saturday...guess I'm seeing her again tonight." I'd like to see someone because I WANT to, not because I CAN. Sometimes I'd like a night to myself, or with my friends... in this case, I just want to ride my sportbike around town and clean it up, maybe clean around the house and go to the gym.

Besides, women are fickle and don't know what they want. One minute she can want to see me everyday, but if I give in and become her puppy dog, where's the chase? She'll get bored and so will I.

I felt really bad for saying no, especially after she called me and asked if everything was OK, etc. She also asked if I wanted to sleep over again this coming Tuesday and I said OK. We're also going hiking next Saturday... she's coming to my parents' restaurant on Friday night, sleeping over, and we're going to take a day trip on Saturday.

I really do like this girl, and if there's anyone out there I'd like to pursue a new relationship with, this girl would win. It's just that I want to make sure I stay in control of this and take it slow in the whole emotional attachment sense. I don't want to invest my emotions into this girl yet... money, fine, but emotions no. Besides, I'm the man- I should steer this ship, not her.

Thoughts?

Then you had better recognise she is in deeper than you emotionally, captain. I suspect that those overnighters after a month has her thinking there is more there than you realise. At least know she expects much more than you are willing to give. More talking and listening and less overnighters as this will conflict very soon, if you haven't been paying attention to the signals she sends.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Then you had better recognise she is in deeper than you emotionally, captain. I suspect that those overnighters after a month has her thinking there is more there than you realise. At least know she expects much more than you are willing to give. More talking and listening and less overnighters as this will conflict very soon, if you havent been paying attention to the signals she sends.

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Yeah but we don't have sex when I sleep over. In fact, we haven't had sex at all. I told her I didn't want to and that we need to go slow.

You may be going slow but is she? Talk and listen.

How do I bring it up in order to talk about it without offending/hurting her feelings?

Be the nice guy you are and be honest, I doubt if you can help hurting her feelings, if what I suspect is correct(she is more into you, than you are her) You will have to use your best judgement and instincts. Without good communications you will not have a very good relationship. What do you think??