My son's girlfriend broke up with him last March. She wanted to get back together with him, and he didn't. They dated 2 1/2 years. Her Mother then filed charges against him for sex with a child 16 and older. The girl said it was all consensual. He was 18 and she was 17.After spending thousands of dollars on a lawyer, he advised him to accept the offer, and got 1 year probation, to be expunged upon complettion, and any counseling suggested by his PO. He is in Sexual counseling, and feeling really out of place because the other people in there, have all either raped someone and are listed as sex offenders. He is not. The lady doing the classes has not accepted his assignment for 2 weeks now... here was the question... How did your offense affect your community and who are they? He wrote that he didn't think it affected the community because everyone is backing him, including the police chief, and he feels that he let himsef down because he cared about her and would always take her back, even though she always threatened him if they broke up she would file charges against him. She turned 18 last August, and started dateing a 21 year old again soon after. My son feels so out of place in these classes because he never forced her or raped her, she was his girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. He was 16 when they started dateing. Now she is saying it will be 60 weeks of classes, and his probation should be done Jan 2008. Is there anyway that his probation officer can look over all the papers again, and see that this was a high school romance, and order him to less counseling sessions? This has been blown way out of proportion, and by the way it is a misdemeanor, not a felony. Please help us, this is costing so much money and he feels so out of place in the classes. Thanks

What state are you in and how old was she when they 1st had sex?

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Originally Posted by jills-jewels

My son's girlfriend broke up with him last March. She wanted to get back together with him, and he didn't. They dated 2 1/2 years. Her Mother then filed charges against him for sex with a child 16 and older. The girl said it was all consensual. He was 18 and she was 17.After spending thousands of dollars on a lawyer, he advised him to accept the offer, and got 1 year probation, to be expunged upon complettion, and any counseling suggested by his PO. He is in Sexual counseling, and feeling really out of place because the other people in there, have all either raped someone and are listed as sex offenders. He is not. The lady doing the classes has not accepted his assignment for 2 weeks now...here was the question...How did your offense affect your community and who are they? He wrote that he didn't think it affected the community because everyone is backing him, including the police chief, and he feels that he let himsef down because he cared about her and would always take her back, even though she always threatened him if they broke up she would file charges against him. She turned 18 last August, and started dateing a 21 year old again soon after. My son feels so out of place in these classes becasue he never forced her or raped her, she was his girlfriend for 2 1/2 years. He was 16 when they started dateing. Now she is saying it will be 60 weeks of classes, and his probation should be done Jan 2008. Is there anyway that his probation officer can look over all the papers again, and see that this was a high school romance, and order him to less counseling sessions? This has been blown way out of proportion, and by the way it is a misdemeanor, not a felony. Please help us, this is costing so much money and he feels so out of place in the classes. Thanks

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You're son must be so sad. That's horrible what she did to him. Its hard for me to answer this question because I don't know where you come from, therefor I am unsure of the current laws regarding sex with a minor. If you could provide me with some more information, I might be able to help a bit more.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

what state are you in and how old was she when they 1st had sex?

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She was 15 and he was 16, am in Wisconsin

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Originally Posted by Marcusstorm

Youre son must be so sad. Thats horrible what she did to him. Its hard for me to answer this question because i dont know where you come from, therefor i am unsure of the current laws regarding sex with a minor. If you could provide me with some more information, i might be able to help a bit more.

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From Wisconsin, she was 15 and he was 16. It was all OK by her Mom for 2 1/2 years. He wouldn't go back to her, next thing we know they filed charges on him.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

what state are you in and how old was she when they 1st had sex?

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We are in Wisconsin, she was 15 and he was 16. Her mother approved of the relationship, too

Did her mother know they were having sex? Or did she think they were just "heavy petting?" It is entirely possible Mom didn't know and wouldn't have approved if she did know.

So when Mom found out about it, she pressed charges.

It sounds horrible, but a lot of girls do feel "pressured" to have sex in order to keep their boyfriends.---which is why there are laws about underage sex.

Ok, sadly it is illegal in your state and he is not alone, there are 1000s of people in his same situtation. I will ask are you sure, he is not listed as a sexual registry, in GA and TN all of the people in his position get listed.

But it is like in school, you give the answer the teacher wants to hear, when my kids were in biology class our religion does not teach evolution, but for the class they had to answer the questions the way the teacher wanted to hear them.

So he needs to write, how taking advantage of a younger girl was wrong that she was not old enough to understand her actions and this effects all of us by causing an emotional impact on the victim who then interacts with the rest of the community. It costs the tax payers...

Get the idea, you tell them what they want to hear, how he is so sorry for his crime and so on, If you don't play their game, basically they won't pass him, he don't pass the class then the judge may say that he did not comply with his probation and could revoke the deal, so he needs to learn how to play the game to pass this class.

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Originally Posted by wynelle

Did her mother know they were having sex? Or did she think they were just "heavy petting?" It is entirely possible Mom didn't know and wouldn't have approved if she did know.

So when Mom found out about it, she pressed charges.

It sounds horrible, but a lot of girls do feel "pressured" to have sex in order to keep their boyfriends.---which is why there are laws about underage sex.

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Yes her Mom knew, she actually let her go stay at his apt. on the weekends when he was in college, also at her house. She was NEVER pressured what so ever, my gosh, why don't we see any gilrs ever being charged? She is very vindictive and mean, and has laughed and joked about it ever since. I had to put a restraining order against her Mom, because she was harassing me through the whole ordeal. This is so frustrating, because my son is such a great guy, and there isn't one person in our town that would say anything bad about him. The only thing good about this whole thing is, he met the LOVE OF HIS LIFE, and she is such a special girl, and is so understanding through all of this. Can't believe what mean, evil people there are out there, especially when they don't get their own way!

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, sadly it is illegal in your state and he is not alone, there are 1000s of people in his same situtation. I will ask are you sure, he is not listed as a sexual registry, in GA and TN all of the people in his position get listed.

But it is like in school, you give the answer the teacher wants to hear, when my kids were in biology class our religion does not teach evolution, but for the class they had to answer the questions the way the teacher wanted to hear them.

So he needs to write, how taking advantage of a younger girl was wrong that she was not old enough to understand her actions and this effects all of us by causing an emotional impact on the victim who then interacts with the rest of the community. It costs the tax payers ......

Get the idea, you tell them what they want to hear, how he is so sorry for his crime and so on, If you don't play thier game, basicly they won't pass him, he don't pass the class then the judge may say that he did not comply with his probation and could revoke the deal, so he needs to learn how to play the game to pass this class.

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Thanks for your help, and no he is not listed, that was part of the agreement. I think maybe parents should be charged for allowing their underage children to even date someone that is 18. I am so mad about this all, because he is such a great guy, and didn't deserve this to happen. You can bet if he would have went back to her, this would not be happening! But we are so glad he wised up to her games, and has now met a Wonderful girl, and yes she is 20, so is he.

Listen to Chuck. The fact is he did violate the law. It sounds like his lawyer got him the best deal he could. It really doesn't matter whether it was consensual or even approved by the mother, at this point. She was underage and not legally able to give consent.

I hate to say this, but he should have known or been taught better. He is paying the price for doing something he shouldn't have. However unfair the girl has been, he was a party to it. So now he has to bite the bullet and do whatever is necessary to complete his probation so he can put this behind him.

Its too late now, but had you asked when this first started I would have suggested that, if you had proof that her mother was allowing this to go on, I would have suggested that you press charges on her for leading to the delinquency of a minor (both your son and her daughter). I'm a little surprised your lawyer didn't suggest it. If you had proof of what you said about her, she was at least just as guilty. And counter charges might have gotten her to back off. But its also possible, that once she filed the charges, the prosecutors had to go ahead with it no matter what she did.

Hello Jills:

She said, her mother said, he's a good guy, blah, blah, blah. It's ALL academic! You are missing the point. All that crap doesn't matter NOW. The only thing that matters, is getting through the program.

I remember a guy I did time with. He was incensed at how the rules were routinely broken by the guards (he was right). He complained about the food (he was right). He demanded medical care (he was right). He resisted everything (and he was right). He didn't make out.

I'm not saying to lay down for them. NEVER do that. However, you/he must realize that these petty bureaucrats, who have the power of life and death over him, won't hesitate to use it. They generally don't have a lot of say over their own lives, so they really enjoy power.

He needs to go with the flow, and the flow is going to be in the direction THEY want.

excon

I have facilitated group therapy sessions with juvenile sex offenders. Though most fit the profile, some did not. I agree with Fr_Chuck but I would also caution you. If the sex counselor sees a dramatic change in your son's attitudes and beliefs towards his crime, it may complicate the situation even more. So many in our groups were just trying to tell us what we wanted to hear. They tried to manipulate us just as they did to their victims. The sex offenders that were genuine in their treatment would see right through them and call them out on it. Sex offenders in denial, or justifying their actions, do not change over night (obviously your son is not a sex offender nor is he in denial). My experience is that the counselor will see right through his 'acceptance paper.' Tell him to go about it gradually, and it will prove to be more effective in the long run. Tell him good luck and too keep his chin up. There is a bright light at the end of this nasty tunnel.