Hi again.
So I've finally started to move on w. my dating life from past posts ha. But I'd like to get some male opinions. I've been on 4 dates with this new guy we'll call him "adam." We have a really good chemistry between us, and the attraction is definitely there. Yes. We've already slept together, which I normally don't do so fast, but it just kind of was in the moment and I definitely don't regret it. I think it left us both wanting more.
He is a very type A east coast personality guy, which can be tricky to read.
The past two times we had plans, he had to cancel. The first time, was on a Friday night, he called early in the day forgetting he had plans with his family. So then we made plans for that Sunday night (his suggestion) and went out. After Sunday , which was a little akward because I was super tired and just wasn't my normal self, we set up tentaitve plans for Tuesday. Tuesday rolls around and I hadn't heard from him so I asked if we were still on for tonight. He cancelled again saying he had to help out a friend with a work project. But a couple hours later he called saying hegot done early and wanted to hang, of course I had already made plans with my friends. So we set up something "tentative" for Thursday. Thursday rolls around, and he early in the day he says again a family excuse, a cousin was staying the night, to have a fun weekend ( I was going out of town), and we'll make plans when you get back.
So, my question is what's this guys deal? It's so easy for us girls to assume he BS ing us, but I know its also a good idea to give people the benefit of the doubt. I figure ill give him one more shot, and if he plans something and sticks to it, I know he's legit and interested. What do you guys think?

Listen, step back a little... and then see what happens... he's just trying to see the depth u're in with him... I mean from vulnerability point of view, so he can either make it work or manipulate you... either case... go slow and watch out...

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I know he's legit and interested. What do you guys think?

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You think you know him and after four dates, I doubt it. He is pretty busy, so I would not focus so much on him, but rather make sure you have a life that you enjoy. He is not that interested at this point as you are, and obviously his life without you is important to him, as yours should be important to you. Go slow and lower the expectations until you know him a lot better. You want more than he is giving, and is that reasonable at this time? Not from his actions it isn't. You know better than to build your life around him this early into the relationship.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You think you know him and after four dates, I doubt it. He is pretty busy, so I would not focus so much on him, but rather make sure you have a life that you enjoy. He is not that interested at this point as you are, and obviously his life without you is important to him, as yours should be important to you. Go slow and lower the expectations until you know him a lot better. You want more than he is giving, and is that reasonable at this time? Not from his actions it isn't. You know better than to build your life around him this early into the relationship.

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I agree w/ you, but at the same time how do I make it a little more clear I am interested, without scaring him off? Or if don't hear from him within the next few days should I ignore it or give him a ring?I figure if I'm interested in hanging with him another time, it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Guess what?? You aren't his entire life. He does have other friends and believe it or not a family that it appears he spends time with. He isn't BSing you. Your BSing yourself. Slow down a bit. He'll know your interested but it still doesn't mean he has to throw himself at you.

Just be yourself. No game play or any of that crap.

Unless of course he got what he wanted when you slept with him and now he isn't really interested as much. But that's as much your fault as his for rushing in and not going a little slower.

Who knows, but it is clear you expect too much from him. Just go with the flow a bit more. Don't force things!

I know Im not a guy, but I met a guy online who was like that. He was really attracted to me, but he kept making excuses not to meet. We had a couple of planned "dates" and he canceled for family reasons. He would not call soon enough though in my mind. His niece was dropped off once and he just acted like I was supposed to realize he was cancelling on me, without telling me.

I sensed he felt that he wouldn't measure up for me and had low self esteem, and that after a while he feared that I would dump him, so he was very hesitant with me because he had all that negative programming. That's why he played GAMES which really annoyed me.

That lack of self confidence and mind game playing stunk, and was a real turn off to me. I like men who are strong (not rude) and confident (not cocky) and he was neither. Most women want that.

Have you talked about this in a very open and calm manner with him? You could get answers. I would take it as a "sign" though that its not supposed to happen, if you've gotten THAT many cancellations.

Everything happens for a reason I've learned, and those are easy to call.

I don't believe his cancellations mean that he has a life, or that his family is that important to him. He's been around his family ALL HIS LIFE for god's sakes. Time to make new friends. Lol! If he was really that into you, he would MAKE TIME for you and make the effort. That's called common courtesy. Just like some people are just too lazy to drive to your place and you have to drive to them, and you're the woman and they are the man! Lol Give me a break. :rolleyes:

I do know a coworker who got involved with a "very handsome" waiter she met at AA of all places! It was instant chemistry and they began sleeping together very early on. She tells me everything that happens even if I don't want to know (lol) but while she was telling me of her sexploits, I always sensed he was not the "one".

Well he just recently broke it off, after she ALREADY began calling him "My boyfriend"!! (even changing her myspace page to "in a relationship" which I thought was a bad idea) Turns out, he is MARRIED. His wife called her to tell her that he is still married and that they are separated and having problems but that she still wants him. He then admits this when she questioned him on it, and even though she still had sex with him again even when she now knows he's married.. (because she's sooo religious.. typical)... he then dumps her, giving her the lame excuse that he's "working on himself". Yeah right. Lol Anyway she is not that hurt she claims, because it all happened so fast. I myself sense he just wanted a piece of "A" and then quickly became tired of her. That's a sad reality about society in general.

Also, the comment one person made, about maybe he's playing it safe to watch you and see how you react so he can either make it work or manipulate you, if he's that sort of person, he's not worth it either. Mind games do NOT belong in any kind of relationship.

Anyway, I have no patience for flakes, and attraction alone isn't enough for me.

BTW if you fear you will "Scare him off".. he's not the one! Who wants a WIMP for a man?!

LMAO! He's weak both ways, if he is playing games, or if he would be scared off by your interest and honesty.