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-   -   Fatherless child! (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=86583)

  • Apr 26, 2007, 10:38 AM
    Kaynale05
    Fatherless child!
    I have a 2 year old and her Father (birth certificate signer) hasn't had anything to do w/ her since she was 5 months old. When we were together we were off and on. We lost 2 baby's before my daughter was born, and he knew this last time there was a possibility that he may not be the dad. He agreed to sign the birth certificate regardless. He just set up child support 1 week ago, and 2 days ago I get a notice to go to court to remove his name off the birth certificate and drop all his rights (and stop support) I want to keep him as the father and continue to get support because, knowing she might not be his, he did sign that birth certificate and told me he wanted to be her daddy. WHAT ARE MY RIGHTS? And how do I go about getting what I want? (and what he wanted b-4 we split?):confused: :mad:
  • Apr 26, 2007, 01:09 PM
    startover22
    Are you asking how can I get money from this guy even if he is not the daddy?
  • Apr 26, 2007, 05:43 PM
    ssr202
    Why would you want to make this man pay for a child that is not his? Apparently there were issues between you prior to having a child. What about considering the real father of this child? Have you made any attempt within the 2 years of your child's life to determine who he is. Or you have another option. You made the decision to have a baby and it is your responsibility to take care of it as well. Get yourself together and be a responsible mother. It will not be easy to be a single parent, but you cannot honestly expect a this man to pay child support for a child that may not be his. If you are serious about finding the father and not just looking for a handout try a DNA test to determine who is the father.
    I am not usually this harsh, but when you actually ask this type of question you should be ready to hear a hard and honest answer.
  • Apr 27, 2007, 04:11 AM
    isabelle
    Hon, there is no way you can "pick a daddy". You will have to have DNA proof to get support. I don't think there is any way you can have this paid for, it has to come out of your pocket.
    With multiple chances of daddy's out there. I am not surprised that this man would want proof. Put yourself in his shoes and you will understand.
  • Apr 27, 2007, 08:13 AM
    Fr_Chuck
    Sorry, you and he committed fraud by signing him as the father knowing he was not the father. In most US states all he has to do is prove by DNA that he is not the father and he will not have to pay child support,

    Expecting him to pay child support is just not right by any moral or legal belief.

    With that said, if you want someone to actually pay child support, you pick the right man and prove it with DNA,
  • Apr 27, 2007, 10:45 AM
    startover22
    I have seen all of your comments. Sorry you don't have a daddy for your baby. Please do not use your child to make a paycheck. That would be considered a lot of different things, but I cannot say them on this site. DO be the best mommy you can be even if you don't have a great situation on your hands, make it a good situation and please don't just sit around waiting for someone to rescue you. Do it for yourself and for that baby. I wish you luck my dear, I will have you in my thoughts regularly, wondering if everything is OK.
  • Apr 28, 2007, 07:51 PM
    redpepper53
    I am a single mom and it is difficult to do everything on my own but I am doing it. Have faith in yourself, you will succeed
  • May 1, 2007, 01:23 AM
    GV70
    Kaynale05 agrees: Not exactly! He signed his name knowing he was probably not the father. Her real father is a sexual predator on the sex offenders list. The guy who signed it wanted to be daddy, and all of a sudden, he doesn't. He should have never signed. A MESS

    What did you do with this nice man when you were still married to other man??
  • May 1, 2007, 12:01 PM
    startover22
    First of all, you really need to find out if he IS or Isn't the daddy. If he isn't then he really doesn't have to stick around. That's about it. Even though he said he would no matter what, well, people lie and you can't get around that. It won't hold up in court. Unless you have intentions on getting a test done to see if he is or not, then you have no choice but to leave him alone. Sorry! Good luck with your pretty little daughter. Try to make the most out of life with her!
  • May 2, 2007, 11:58 PM
    tawnynkids
    First off you want to control what someone else will do. Control is an illusion. You have no control over what someone else does, thinks or feels. You can only control how you act, think or feel.

    Signing the birth certificate would only give him rights, not you, if it even gave anybody rights. You are right he should not have signed if he was just going to walk away. But he did on both counts. You are going to have to get passed that. It is very disappointing to have someone let you down or worse your child. I do feel for you. You may be scared to raise her on your own or scared for her to grow up without a daddy, or maybe both. That is very understandable. But take a deep breath and think about it.

    You mentioned in your first post that this man (who did sign the birth certificate) has not even been involved since your little girl was 5 months old and she is now 2! Any father is NOT better than a bad one. And by every definition any man who is not involved with "their child" by choice is a bad father, and certainly no daddy! Even if he only backed off for the purpose of protecting his heart he would have had DNA done then. So that he could determine his paternity and decide on his involvement then. But he didn't. He just walked away.

    Why would you want a daddy for your daughter that you have to force to be daddy especially if he is not the father? If he is in fact not the father and therefor, at the very least no legal reason to be her dad and he has no desire why would you want to put your daughter through all the years of what would only be disappointment from him? Do you want her to feel unwanted? Because that is how he will make her feel if you try to force him to be a father. You truly need to think about your daughter.

    Even if DNA proves he is the father you still can not force him to be a daddy to her. You can only force him to honor his responsibility by helping to support her financially. And that is only if he even has a job in which you can garnish his wages and you can get a child support order against him and enforce it.

    If you are worried about her growing up without a dad... you never know what the future may hold. You very well could meet a man someday that has a heart of gold and will love her like his own. If not you can still make sure she knows that there are a lot of people that do love her, like you and other family members and friends. You can not take the place of a father, that role was designed for a purpose but she can still grow to be a very emotionally healthy, happy adult with the support and love of every one else around her. That is up to you. All she would need to know about her dad or lack there of, until she is at a mature enough age to handle the truth, is that it is not her fault and there is nothing wrong with her. Don't let any bitterness you may have hurt her more by explaining the gory details of what did truly happen.

    Please surround yourself with the support of your family and friends that you can depend on to help you first, sort through the legality of getting a DNA and the resulting effects, and then to lean on them to help you be the best mom you can. That is your true responsibility and her right.

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