I'm working through a sexual abuse history and even coming into my present life, I see that, for me, I feel INCREDIBLE PRESSURE to do what someone I love asks me to do--even to the point of it being something harmful to ME and something I don't want to do, but I either do it immediately without question or I do it after I've been 'asked' either in verbal or non-verbal ways--like someone putting a gentle hand to a shy kid's shoulder and giving a him a little push to play on a playground with other kids--a gentle push for him to just go and make friends. If someone I love gives me that sort of 'push' but it's actually toward something I know is not healthy for me, I may stand firm and resist a few times, but eventually because they keep gently pushing, I do it. I always do it. So it's hard for me to look even back to the known abusers and say they coerced me--they weren't violent. They just got me into a situation where they asked me to do something I shouldn't have but I did because I either loved them or I wanted to be loved. And I can say I made the choice myself to do it. But yet I always feel like I'm incredibly trapped somehow because I trust them not to ask me to do something harmful to me. And I also feel like because afterward I didn't shout, 'hey, that was harmful to me!' they didn't know. (Although some of the abuse would be obvious to any normal person it was harmful.) I feel very naive/don't trust myself or my intuition as far as who I've been vulnerable to/who I've trusted. I'm guessing a person who really loved ME wouldn't be pushing me to do the things that are hurting me. But, at least in the present time--my husband is a good guy. The things he's asking for are something that actually could be non-harmful to another woman, but they ARE harmful to me--but I've never told him how I feel and he just doesn't understand why they hurt me. If he was with another woman it wouldn't hurt her and he could have in her what he can't get from me. I know I fear that if I really told him these things were 100% impossible for me to do anymore--it's a physical injury that is happening to me because of previous injury and my own physiology--he will have to live with his own disappointment in not being able to share these things with me for the rest of his life if we stay married. I have kids and my husband is a good guy. Other than these things--a handful of things, really--I can't see a reason to dissolve a marriage. I am going to talk to him and I know it's going to be tough to reveal to him the ways he has hurt me/I have allowed him to hurt me because I simply didn't TELL him.

But, what I can't figure out is WHY do I feel SUCH PRESSURE whenever ANYONE I love asks me to do something and I feel ZERO motivation to protect myself and my own body or psyche or soul?

PS I come from background of brother beating me and my mom and sister and dad doing little to nothing to stop it. Somehow I sense that is key, but I still can't untangle it.

Any new perspectives from you smart folks?

"I'm working through a sexual abuse history.."

Are you trying to work through it alone? Because this could be very difficult. You will need the help of a professional councillor to put everything into perspective and to learn how to cope with all the emotions it may drag up.

As for still doing what you are told.. You need to remind yourself that you are no longer a child, you are an adult now and you don't need to do anything anyone tells you. Easier said than done, I know. It's like trying to quit an addiction like smoking.. You just have to keep working on it until one day you realise that you are back in control of your own life.

Please get some help.

Stay strong and stay above the battles.

You sound like me a people pleaser even to the point of screwing yourself over. I think it's a self esteem issue for you especially and because of the abuse you endured. Good Luck

Blue Rose I LOVE your name. We people pleases must think ONCE for ourselves then we will feel GOOD about ourselves! I am guessing since u wrote that post if you are not taking care of Yourself and seeking approval from no one but YOU it may just be that you are ahead of me and started to think of YOUR Best intrests. BRAVO!

Hi! =) So smile a lot, and think to yourself these things:
1. I am loved
2. I love myself
3. God will help me in my direction in life, if I ask him.

Now, when you feel that "nudge" and it feels uncomfortable, just use this word. "No thanks." (well, two words) Say it firmly, and sound like a broken record, and repeat it until they stop asking. You don't have to give a reason. No should be enough.

I have found this works especially well on telemarketers... practice on them first. =) Good luck!