Ask Me Help Desk - So Confused

I had an affair with a co-worker for 3 months before the guilt became too much and I had to tell my spouse. We broke up tried to work things out the I left again and went back to my co worker and then finally left both of them. I just found out I am pregnant with my co-workers baby. The thing is I broke it off with both my spouse and my lover and now I am scared to tell either of them. I am very against abortions but am I right to have one in a situation like this. It ma be completley selfish of me to kill an inocent life because of my mistakes but the father is 17 years older then me (I am 23 and he is 40) He has already had a family and kids and I am not so sure he wants another child. As for my spouse I do not think it is fair for him to raise a child that reminds him everyday of the pain I caused the family:confused: I am so confused

To begin with you have to be sure who the father is. And then you must sit down and talk to him. Find out whether there is a future for you all or not.

If not, it might be time to have a chat with the other guy and see how he feels about a relationship with you and a baby on the way.

If you decide to go it alone then you have some serious decisions to make. Abortion is a very personal choice and you are the only one who should make that decision. Do not allow anyone to push you to make this decision as you may have some regrets down the road.

You need to decide if you want a future with either guy and then find out if the one you choose is okay with the fact that you are pregnant. If it turns out that neither of them is interested in a relationship. Then it will be time for you to talk to a professional before making the decision to have an abortion. No one must be allowed to make this decision for you.

Hi I just wanted to say that the age thing shouldn't play into your decision. I am 24 and my husband is 47, give this man a chance and see how he feels about you being pregnant with his child. All he can do is say he don't want anything to do with it and then at least you will know for sure. And as for your husband well maybe after you talk to the other man and find out how he feels then you can talk to your husband and see how he feels about you having someone else's child. When the baby gets there he might surprise you and fall in love with the child as if it were his own good luck

Thank you very much for you responses, deep down I know what I have to do but it is hard to swallow.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mandi9046

I had an affair with a co-worker for 3 months before the guilt became to much and I had to tell my spouse. We broke up tried to work things out the I left again and went back to my co worker and then finally left both of them. I just found out I am pregnant with my co-workers baby. The thing is I broke it off with both my spouse and my lover and now I am scared to tell either of them. I am very against abortions but am I right to have one in a situation like this. It ma be completley selfish of me to kill an inocent life because of my mistakes but the father is 17 years older then me (I am 23 and he is 40) He has already had a family and kids and I am not so sure he wants another child. As for my spouse I do not think it is fair for him to raise a child that reminds him everyday of the pain I caused the family:confused: I am so confused

What do you have in mind to do.But I know you have 2 alternatives.Can you live with the guilt of an abortion and her you ready to raise a chid facing it almost alone,rememeber you said your coworker is married and you don't expect him to destroy his family,this news will crush his wife,but I think d better option his face the consequence of your act.Brace yourself and be strong. Count yourself blessed because of the gift of a child ,so many people wish they have what uhave.Good luck in your decisions.

Actually he used to be married he has been divorced for 5 years I worded it wrong. His kids are still under the age of ten and live full time with his ex-wife

You should tell the baby's daddy. How do you know he doesn't want another child. He isn't married and he knew what he was getting into when you guys had sex. Let him know. You might get a different respond then what your expecting.

Good. What do u really want.do u want to have the baby?I think that is the best bet.discuss with him,and then follow your heart.Wish the best.

Don't get rid of the baby because you don't think he will want another child. Even if he doesn't want another child, he should have thought of the possible consequences when you guys were having an affair. And since his kids all live with his ex-wife full time, then it should not be such a problem for him. As far as your husband goes, I think he does deserve to know. Whether he choses to help raise the child or not, is up to him.(and fairly so) If you give this pregnancy a chance, you could find happiness out of this unhappy situation. But, if you find it is too painful, and causes too much conflict, do not forget about the option of adoption. Another family could benefit from you being selfless in giving the baby for adoption, and allowing them to adopt the child that perhaps they can not have on their own. You do not sound as though an abortion is something you really want to do, and I think you would feel very guilty should you go through with it. You feel bad for the selfish acts that took place when this affair started. I'm sure you don't want more guilt added to the ordeal. My point being, talk it over with the father of the child, and with your husband. They both deserve to know and have a say in it as well. Good luck, I pray that all works out for the best.