Ask Me Help Desk - Wondering if this can work?

I have been seeing a girl on and off for about three months. Currently we are talking and friendly but not sleeping with each other. We broke it off mutually because she didn't want to get into a serious relationship and I didn't want to push her.( Even though I really do want it) She had just gotten out of a relationship before we got together and I think that she still has feelings for him, which causes this hesitation. I treat this girl like a princess and I know she appreciates it and like to be around me. I just need to know if this situation is hopeless or if I should give her more time. I can see it bothers her when other girls talk to me, and I don't want to put somebody else in my position by getting into something with someone else. What do you guys think?

If the breakup was mutual, I wouldn't see what it would hurt to just be friendly to her and give her more time. She truly may not be ready to date yet and may still be trying to get over her ex. If I were you, I would just be a supportive friend and let her give you signals that she wants more. Date others too. (You have a right to because you are not together with this girl anymore). A bit of caution though, don't play games and also be aware that sometimes if a girl is not over her ex she will go back to him if he comes back. That's why you should give her more time before jumping the gun to pushing for exclusivity with her and either of you gets hurt.

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Originally Posted by Supercarman

Greetings, we offer our help.

We are curious as to her perceptions of herself and the reasons for her leaving her former relationship. We can only speculate at the time, but we feel relatively safe to assume she is still emotionally bonded to her former relationship but is in a state of confusion, uncertainty and insecurity. While she doesn't want to commit to you at this time you give her security as a back-up and you comfort in treating her as a princess. We are curious if she sees herself as a princess. We are curious if her former boyfriend or girlfriend treated her like a princess?

We perceive that you should resume to normal course of your life and give her space. Sometimes people only realise the value of something when they are without it.

If is is your desire to have a "serious relationship" with her we advise you to not take on the role of a "friend". Only give yourself freely if you can do so without resentment or expectation of something in return. If you can't at this time we encourage you to explore your own emotions and perceptions about yourself.

We wish you well.

She has told me that she doesn't have the most self confidence. It suprises me because she is beautiful and intelligent and has so much going for her. She has never told me why they broke it off, but I think it had something to do with her not getting enough affection from him. I do feel like a security blanket at times but others, I feel like she generally appreciates what I do for her. I don't call or text her unless I need to talk to her, which is rare, but we do favors for each other from time to time. I am trying to give her space, but we always end up seeing each other a few times a week and end up chatting it up and flirting. On Tuesday she came up to me while I was doing something and was rubbing up on me and telling me about how she just got done doing her dishes?? Like anybody cares about that! I am emotionally attached to her and I don't want to put somebody else in the same position as I am by dating others. I know that if she calls me I am going to go back to her. So why make another human being suffer the way I am and make them believe that I really want to be with them? I should say this... It was a mutual break up to the naked eye, but obviously when she told me that she didn't want a serious relationship right now my heart broke into about a thousand pieces. I just held strong and told her that I didn't want to push her into anything to show her I cared about her.

I think she needs time to heal and get healthy again, so the last thing she needs is pressure from you to have a relationship, or press her by being to available as she needs to do this on her own, so I would definitely limit contact with her, and make sure I had a life without her. Do not mistake gratitude and friendship with real caring or a desire for more than she has to give as it will take a lot of time and space for her to heal. Sorry, but I am totally against you just waiting to see if there is a relationship there, and think your time is better spent living your own life for now. Who can say what the future will bring?