I was going with a guy for 5 years and eventually became engaged to have it only break-up on my admission. The break-up was anything but good. We loved it other very much when the relationship was good it was good when it was bad it was bad and I couldn't take it anymore.

Nine months into the breakup I receive a message on both my cellphone and home number telling me he has to run something past me and to reach him on his new cell#. I was a bit curious and reached out to him. We had a conversation briefly before he told me why he called,when he stated the reason he made absolutely no sense. Anyway the conversation lasted well over 2 hours and at that time it definitely on part started to churn old feeling. Anyway he mentioned how I rocked and shattered him by breaking off the engagement and asking him for space. I said I wanted space to see where we were going and break the enegagement and that's what he wanted. Anyway ever time I said I'll let you go he said that's not necessary. Before we endeded the conversation I said to him maybe we'll get together for a drink,then changed my mind and he said you know if I call you have to say yes.

6 weeks later he calls to tell me he hasn't forgotten about the drink he promised me but he has been going through a rough business time and as soon as that is over he wants to get together for that drink. I said it wasn't necessary he said no I want to. Now I'm thinking to myself maybe he has had time to think since this breakup and wants to see if there is something left between us.

New Years Day he calls to tell me he was putting something away that reminded him of me and wanted to call to wish me a happy new years. We wound up talking for 3 hours about anything and everything very relaxed conversation. In fact at one point I was having a problem with my phone and asked if he would call me back and he said sure when and he called right bvack go figure. Anyway he told me he has moved on and so on.and doesn't think about what went wrong. Leaving me very confused as to what these conversations were all about. Especially since we were broken up last new years and he never called.

I threw something out that I wish I could take back every day but I had to see where this was going. I told him I was involved with this guy and he just gave me an engagement ring which I'm not so sure I'm going to take. He asked how long was I going with him and that I was absolutely doing the right thing and if the guy doesn't understand then too bad. Anyway we talked a while and I thanked him for listening to me about this,he said no problem we have to get together for that drink. I said it wasn't necessary we were just talking for 3 hours and covered everything,he said no let's get together I'll call.

About 3 weeks later he called both my cell# and home# but left no message and I never called him.. The day after Valentine's Day he calls and asks would I like to get together for a drink and small talk tomorrow night,and I said yes. We meet have a 3 hour dinner it seemed very weird tense at times and was very hard to see him. The feeling were definitely all over the place especially for me. He is a very hard study keeps everything in check always has never know really how he is thinking. We leave and I have had a couple of drinks so I have some courage so in the car I reached over and gave him a hug,then another hug and that lasted a few minutes. I don't know how it happened everything still is a big blur but we kissed and it lasted a bit of time.

He took me home and then I reached over and gave him another kiss he didn't pul back which I was surprised since he never used to care about my feeling being hurt. I started to cry and he said if I had known this was goig to happen I never would have gone for the drink. Just what I wanted to hear. All along I thought maybe during the dinner and drinks he was going to say what went wrong can we try and work it out NOTHING. Anyway he starts crying and doesn't stop telling me we had something really good twice,remember all the good times we had,we looked good together,giving me a lot of compliments about myself which is something by the way he never did that often and he admitted it that evening but said it was over. I told him that we shouldn't be in touch or see each other anymore because it was too hard this evening and he agreed.

I felt very foolish for coming on to him so I called him a short time later on his cell to tell him that. We talked for about 45 minutes and I was ending the call and he said if you ever need to talk give me a call I said that won't be necessary I have girlfriends for that, He said if you ever need anywork to be done call me,I said you live over 1 hour away and If I call you for help your going to come over he said yes but it will cost you dinner.

PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND... I thought we both agreed that we would have no more contact and he says to call him if I need to talk. Did I imagine all of this I am for the most part a women who has a handle on things and can see the light I am soooooooo confused about all of his signals or is it there and I am so STUPIDLY BLIND TO SEE. I NEED YOUR OPINIONS.

All of this makes perfectly no sense.

If you want this guy, go for him. But if you don't want him - break every contact with him. Keeping in touch won't bring anything good.

I think you are right. He sounds like an all or nothing guy, and may be obsessive at the worst of times. It's really up to you where you choose to go with this and if you choose to go separate ways then expect some unhappiness on his behalf.

Thanks to both responses. You are right about everything. I am sorry for the long rambling story didn't want to leave anything out. However do you think this guy still has feelings or was he just thinking wow I have a new friend?

That's what really has me stumped. :p

From a guys stand point - he sounds like a jerk. Screwing with your emotions - and then at the very end saying he has a girl friend.

It sounds like you want him to besomething else than he is. Look at the straight facts.

I think he is just screwing with you. Those ARE long periods in between contacts.

If a guy wants to really be with you he would jump through hoops to be with you. He would jump across the ocean.

Your are letting your FEELINGS get in the way of reality. I know, I know woman feel.

Get over this guy.[/QUOTE]

Hi Wildcat21

You are right about what you are saying,the only thing is he didn't say he had a girlfriend,I said I had girlfriends to talk too not him. Sorry for the confussion.

I see - you have the girlfriends.

I don't understand what he wants from you. If he wanted to start a new relationship he would have come out and said it. You gave him the layup.

I suggest being unavailable to him from now on. Period. Make him reach for you.

I think he is playing with you. If you ended the relationship initially, he may just be trying to play with you and is still hurt by the break up. I assume you ended it - 90% of break ups are the woman's decision.

Unfortunately you woma ndealing in feelings - you feel - and you still have big feelings for this guy. Obviously he is not 100% interested. I think his interest level is like at 51% - it's very hard to re-raise theinterest level.

Hey Wildcat21 thaks for the quick response:


I guess I was just surprised that after being broken up for 9 months and no contact at all he suddenly calls and doesn't stop. I guess I just read into something that wasn't there. Thanks for all of your advice.

Marriage is a life-long process, one that requires patience, endurance to reach the ultimate prize. There will exist the give and take, learn and make mistakes; however, if when the rubber meets the road, signals your time to go, then do just that. Leave, but never look back. You broke off your engagement over...

Consider why, reconsider why... imagine the situations 100 times worse, are you willing to endure, if not... remain as you are. My biggest contribution stems with you. Your concern for what he is not saying. After five years, you should have a better idea of his motives, than any. If not, I question, how much into him were you really. Men are simple, they are not as complex as women, thus search your heart. Is it the ego factor of not being married at this time, thus focusing your energies to recapture that moment, yet consider why you left in the first place. Remember, ending only allocate new beginnings. Consider your motives for desiring to know his. If you truly love this guy, then you miust resolve that he is going to require some room to grow obviously, because when it is bad it is very bad according to you. I truly hope that a state of panic or desperation has not met you, thus desiring to rekindle a fire that you extinguished.

Hi Shenda,

I love you writing style... You make a lot of sense. I don't know what I am thinking of lately. I didn't expect him to ever be in touch with me. And when he did it just opened up another wave of emotions.

As far as knowing him believe me he is a very complex person at best. I couldn't figure him out. My girlfriends could though they always said he says the complete opposite of what he says. That's how I learned to play mind games.

I still have feeling I guess for him and didn't think I did,and expected the same from him since he was the one that made the first call and all of the calls.

You gave me a lot to soul search about your input was greatly appreciated as well as all the readers.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart :p

Sounds like he may have a few screws loose. It also sounds like he just wants toy with you and see if he still has you.

REMEMBER! People want what they CAN'T have. Remember that. You let your guard down, I think, too soon this time. He may have wanted another chase?

I'd just move on - he seems like a massive game player. Do you really want all that drama in your life? Or a guy who solid and you ca ntrust and at least most of the time know where he is coming from.

Hey Wildcat21,

Just got your post... Believe me I have no intentions of being in touch with him. Didn't think I was ever going to have any conversations until he called. I guess the chase you are right but I thought agter him calling him that many times I wanted to see what he was all about.

No I don't want to go back to always thinking what is going on,just like now when I am reaching out for your opinions. I believe that he thought he could forget what he had and was probably curious as to see what I was doing? Especially since I had run into him a few months before that and made like I didn't even know him when he turned around and almost fell down to get a glimpse of me. And mentioned it to me when he called the first time go figure.


Thanks for your input as always it is appreciated :p

It weird that he is trying to keep you on a long string. It seems like he totally led you on. You probably should have backed off and became unavailble and non-interested after you went out.

Hey Wildcat,

Got your response. Thanks I wish I could take back everything,I feel horrible plain horrible about being mis-lead. I don't see what he wanted to do hurt me as he has done in the past.

I left him alone and wasn't ever going to get in touch with him.

Thanks Wildcat21 have a great day

Hey - you have a great day as well.

Some guys take pleasure in creating pain - especially with what you went through.

You will find a great guy soon.

Thanks Wildcat you have been a big help. Enjoy the day... :p