I am young, 20 years old. My boyfriend is 22. I moved away with my parents about five months ago. We moved back home and I missed him terribly. We were planning to move in together sooner, but it just wasn't happening (he lives with his parents still too) so, he got me a plane ticket to come back and see him for two weeks! The whole five months we were apart we talked about how much we missed and loved each other and how badly we wanted each other (Sexually and emotionally) and he said he couldn't wait to have sex with me and this and that. Well, I finally get down here, we have sex once, I finish, and he doesn't feel like finishing. What guy doesn't feel like finishing?? We try again and it gets really hot and heavy for about 5 minutes when he thinks he's about done, realizes he's not and decides to just stop. We had a long talk and I told him I thought it was that he wasn't attracted to me anymore. He says it's not that, he doesn't know why he doesn't want to. And I believe him. During the day, we can't stop kissing each other and playing around with each other. He's always watching me when I'm undressing or getting dressed, and we have showered together everyday. I keep trying to start things. I tease him when I'm undressing, I constantly pull the moves in the shower, and we do fool around a bit. A little bit of foreplay, but it never keeps going. If I get him off that way, he's fine, if I don't, it doesn't seem to bother him. I keep bringing it up and last night he said what are you thinking about sex again? And I said "yes, it's normal for a girl that loves her boyfriend to want to make love at the end of the night". I mean, I told him, if he wants just plain love making I'll do it. If he wants like kinky wild sex, that's me too. It's not like we haven't had sex before. And I'm confused because he says he doesn't know why. He just wants me to wait until he's ready. Er? I'm so confused by it. Anyway, after I said it was normal for me to want sex, he responded with "so it's not normal for me to not want/think about sex?" and I said, honestly, no. it's not. What do I do? He's a happy guy, I don't think he's depressed. He's into porn, but he hasn't been into ANYTHING sexual since I've been back. I don't get it.:(

Also, let me add, he did not cheat on me while I was away. I know that sounds like how would I know? But my b/f isn't the type to cheat. He's not experience sexually as it is. I was his second. His g/f before me they only dated for like 4 months and she ripped out his heart and served it on a platter beside his virginity. When we first had sex, I had initiated it. I'm not that experienced either though. He's only my third, and the only one that I really truly loved. So why doesn't he want sex? He's always been a normal, honry guy, but now it's like horny isn't even in his vocabulary anymore. I don't think he would have sex with carmen electra if she walked into his room. What do I do?

Under stress? Sex can be just as much about emotion and physical. Even the pressure of performing can have the terrible cycle of hurting performance.

Is he healthy? Working a lot? Sleeping OK? Any stress? Etc?

And I'm not trying to frustrate you, but do you really think most people who are cheated on think their partner WAS that kind of guy? Like its somehow different for you than every one else in the world who was cheated on by a "good guy"?

I'm willing to ignore that route, since you think its unlikely, but it is possible.

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Originally Posted by kp2171

under stress? sex can be just as much about emotion and physical. even the pressure of performing can have the terrible cycle of hurting performance.

is he healthy? working a lot? sleeping ok? any stress? etc?

and im not trying to frustrate you, but do you really think most people who are cheated on think their partner WAS that kind of guy? like its somehow different for you than every one else in the world who was cheated on by a "good guy"?

im willing to ignore that route, since you think its unlikely, but it is possible.

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No, he's not under any stress. I'm starting to think it's because I gained a few pounds since the last time I saw him. And it's not that he's just a good guy that he wouldn't cheat on me. It's that he doesn't have the mental capacity to do something like that, lol. He's too sensitive.

Well... what about making it all about him? As in try to initiate sex and let him do what feels good... sometimes what a guy wants and what a girl wants are different. If it takes time for him to hold back until you are ready, it can mean he's suppressed the desire to release and it can be harder to get back to that point.

So initiate and tell him not to wait or hold back. See if that gets him there and see if it takes the pressure off.

Also, what about oral? Can you get him off orally? If not, then id say there's a big problem.