I have an ex boyfriend that has recently been associating with my friends, where he knows I go when I go back home. (he is married and so am I); and kind of giving hints that he still cares. The story is I had a detailed dream about him, and a few days later, my mother (who is a realtor) called me to tell me she listed his wife's old house. I thought this was weird as I had been thinking of him a lot lately. Not sure why as I have been married for over 5 years, and have been together with my husband since 1996. I could not stand it anymore and had to call him and started by talking about how my mom called me, etc, etc. Then he asked me how things were going and I told him they could be better, as my husband and I were having problems. Then, he offered to keep me updated on what was going on with his house like he wanted to keep the door open to call me. After this phone call, it got worse... I could not stop dreaming/thinking about our past relationship. I again called him and let him know how I had been feeling and told him I had a dream but didn't understand why. He went on to say that he is happy in his marriage (I had heard otherwise from some close friends of his). Anyway, I never said anything about jumping in the sack with him. I am confused as he is giving me different signals... possibly playing head games? Anyway, my question is would he not want to tell me if he is unhappy? I know some people do not admit to this. I am embarrassed because I let out my gut feelings to him and now he knows I am unhappy. Help!!

Stop calling him, it will only lead to no good. If he is unhappy, he can make new friends, get counseling and do other things.

It also sounds like you and your husband needs to get some marriage counseling so that you can help your relastionship. Coming back and trying to get back with a old boyfriend is not what a wife should be doing.
I doubt your husband would be happy about it.

Don't call him.
Even if he is unhappy that does not give you the right to call him.
It could be that he was just nice because he considered you a good friend, but now that you told him about what you are feeling he doesn't want the relationship to go any further.
It doesn't matter if he is unhappy. What will you gain? You both cheating on your spouses? He oviously knows if he keeps it up it will end up happening and he has respect for his wife, even if he is unhappy.
Just leave him alone. You're a married woman, have respect for your husband, Take marriage Counseling to make your marriage better. And let your friend live his marriage how he wants to.

I'm sorry you didn't like my answer. But sometimes truth hurts.
I just gave you my opinion on what you asked
QUOTE Anyway, my question is would he not want to tell me if he is unhappy QUOTE
I'm not going to tell you to beg him, to keep calling. WHY because it isn't right girl. Leave him alone.

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Originally Posted by labbeau

I have an ex boyfriend that has recently been associating with my friends, where he knows I go when I go back home. (he is married and so am I); and kind of giving hints that he still cares. The story is I had a detailed dream about him, and a few days later, my mother (who is a realtor) called me to tell me she listed his wife's old house. I thought this was weird as I had been thinking of him alot lately. Not sure why as I have been married for over 5 years, and have been together with my husband since 1996. I could not stand it anymore and had to call him and started out by talking about how my mom called me, etc, etc. Then he asked me how things were going and I told him they could be better, as my husband and I were having problems. Then, he offered to keep me updated on what was going on with his house like he wanted to keep the door open to call me. After this phone call, it got worse....I could not stop dreaming/thinking about our past relationship. I again called him and let him know how I had been feeling and told him I had a dream but didn't understand why. He went on to say that he is happy in his marriage (I had heard otherwise from some close friends of his). Anyway, I never said anything about jumping in the sack with him. I am confused as he is giving me different signals....possibly playing head games? Anyway, my question is would he not want to tell me if he is unhappy? I know some people do not admit to this. I am embarrassed because I let out my gut feelings to him and now he knows I am unhappy. Help!!!!

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It was a dream.
Move on.

You are married
So is he.

End of the dream.
Time to wake up.

You're married. You made that decision. He is married. You are hurting four people in this ordeal. End it, move on. Make the best of the husband that you have.
Cheaters... :mad:

Thanks, I know you are right, and I feel pretty bad about even thinking about hooking up with him. I have been with my husband for 11 years, and cannot understand why all of a sudden, I had this gut feeling. Maybe, it's because my ex seems to be in contact with my mom as well as my friends and I just hear things he has asked them or said. I do realize it definitely would not be a good thing to move forward, and it is getting better with time. Anyway, when I did talk to him, he was really understanding and talked to me as a "friend" and knows that even if we met up and had lunch, it would put us both in a situation that would not be good and hurt a lot of people. I am really surprised at myself, as I have never in my life thought of cheating until recently! I do feel guilty about even thinking about it.

Answer back if you want. Later.

Sounds to me anyone would like to be flattered, especially from someone we were with long ago. I really think everyone has thought about past relationships and even had dreams about them. I know I have! I have been married 11 years and if I were in your shoes I would just not call him anymore, be strong, I know there is probably a lot of stuff you guys still want to talk about. Your husband would probably be hurt if he knew, I think that is where the guilt part comes in. Listen to it, it is telling you something you already know! Good luck!

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Originally Posted by startover22

Sounds to me anyone would like to be flattered, especially from someone we were with long ago. I really think everyone has thought about past relationships and even had dreams about them. I know I have!! I have been married 11 years and if I were in your shoes I would just not call him anymore, be strong, I know there is probably a lot of stuff you guys still want to talk about. Your husband would probably be hurt if he knew, I think that is where the guilt part comes in. Listen to it, it is telling you something you already know!! Good luck!

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Thanks for the response. My intention was to just have a friendly lunch with him, but I really do not think it could be just friends and I feel he knows it too, and that it would lead to no good. You know when 2 people are on the same wave pattern? Well... that's what I felt because he will ask my mom questions about me in a round about way. For example, he asked if she had any grandchildren, which couldn't really come out and say my name since his wife was there. The reason why I read into this so much is he had told me when we were together that he always wanted a boy (he has 3 girls) and would get reversed (he had a vasectomy) for me. I guess the timing for both of us is terrible because he got married 5 months after I did (married his neighbor) and ended up with 3 more kids (hers from previous marriage). Now, he has 6 kids, and several people had told me is was unhappy. Of course, I do not think he would let me know, but now I have told him that things are going well, which now I feel like an because I told him a lot more than what I should have.

Anyway, what do you think now since I gave you more info? I guess that I am curious if he still cares about me. I could be a peace with that... just knowing that I am still in his heart. Thanks

I think this is more you than anything. You might try going home tonight and giving some good loving to your husband, let him have it. This has gone too far in your mind. I guess what I am trying to say is leave him alone, let him ask his questions to your mom to get your attention, leave it at that! Your husband needs you and so do your kids, concentrate on those important issues right now. Good luck to you.

Yes you are trying to justify what you are doing and you want someone to agree with your "poor me" and it is obvous you don't want to hear what people who are giving you good honest answers.

So you are curious, finding out is not going to do you any good, if you are in his heart let it go and let him get over it.

So no you don't meet him unless you invite his family over to have dinner with your family as old friends,

I have to agree with Chuck, nothing good can come of this. Calling old boyfriends is not what a wife should be doing. What if your husband was the one doing this to you how would you feel? Stop being selfish and concentrate on making your husband happy, you took marriage vows... remember?

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Originally Posted by labbeau

I have an ex boyfriend that has recently been associating with my friends, where he knows I go when I go back home. (he is married and so am I); and kind of giving hints that he still cares. The story is I had a detailed dream about him, and a few days later, my mother (who is a realtor) called me to tell me she listed his wife's old house. I thought this was weird as I had been thinking of him alot lately. Not sure why as I have been married for over 5 years, and have been together with my husband since 1996. I could not stand it anymore and had to call him and started out by talking about how my mom called me, etc, etc. Then he asked me how things were going and I told him they could be better, as my husband and I were having problems. Then, he offered to keep me updated on what was going on with his house like he wanted to keep the door open to call me. After this phone call, it got worse....I could not stop dreaming/thinking about our past relationship. I again called him and let him know how I had been feeling and told him I had a dream but didn't understand why. He went on to say that he is happy in his marriage (I had heard otherwise from some close friends of his). Anyway, I never said anything about jumping in the sack with him. I am confused as he is giving me different signals....possibly playing head games? Anyway, my question is would he not want to tell me if he is unhappy? I know some people do not admit to this. I am embarrassed because I let out my gut feelings to him and now he knows I am unhappy. Help!!!!

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If he's only interested in being your friend, then that's what you should be interested in as well. You have a husband that hopefully still loves you, go home to him and try to work things out. Your marriage and your kids will thank you.