Hi Jack

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.

I said "Hi Jack."

He shot me.





Air conditioner trouble

A salesman for a mobile home dealership had a customer call him about this problem:

The customer called and said she was having problems with her air conditioner.

She said, "Mr. X, we are about to freeze to death! I keep turning it down but it won't turn off!"





Sahara Desert

A man is lost in the Sahara desert. He used up the last of his water three days ago and he's lying, gasping, on the sand, when in the distance he suddenly hears a voice calling, "Mush! Mush!"

Not trusting his ears he turns his head and there it is again, closer this time -- "Mush! Mush!" Propping himself up on one elbow he squints against the sun and sees, of all things, an Eskimo bundled up in furs driving a sled with a team of huskies across the dunes.

Thinking that it's a hallucination, he blinks and shakes his head, but it's for real! He painfully lifts one arm and in a cracked voice calls, "He-elp!"

The Eskimo pulls the sled up by him, the huskies panting in the heat, and he says to the Eskimo, "I don't know what you're doing here, or why, but thank God you are! I've been wandering around this desert for days, my water's all gone and I'm completely lost!"

The perspiring Eskimo looks down at him and says, "YOU'RE lost?!"





For The Kids...

If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas?
His wife!

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale?
You can't keep a good man down!

Who designed Noah's ark?
An ark-itect!

When did Caesar reign?
I didn't know he reigned.
Of course he did, didn't they hail him?

Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine