An American and an Irishman

An American and an Irishman were enjoying a ride in the country when they came upon an unusual sight - an old gallows.

The American thought he would have a joke on his Irish companion. "You see that, I reckon," said he to the Irishman, pointing to the gallows. "And now where would you be if the gallows had its due?"

"Riding alone," coolly replied Paddy.





Don't Touch Me

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awakened from a good night's sleep. He takes her hand and she responds, "Don't touch me".

"Why not", he asks.

She answers back, "Because I'm dead".

The husband says to her, "What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another".

The wife says, "No, I'm definitely dead."

Her husband insists, "You're not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?"

His wife answers, "I know I'm dead because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!"





If I could hit the ball that way ...

Bob Gibson, known for his sarcastic wit, caught teammate Curt Flood off guard with a rare compliment as Gibson watched him take batting practice."Way to hit the ball, roomie. If I could hit the ball that way, I'd take off my toeplate and retire from pitching," Gibson said.

Flood smiled.

"In fact, roomie,'' Gibson continued, "If I hit the way you do, I think I'd also retire from baseball."





For The Kids...

How do you know when you are in bed with a witch?
She has a big "W" embroidered on her pyjamas!

What do witches ring for in a hotel?
B-room service!

Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy!

What's the first thing that a wizard does in the morning?
He wakes up!

What do you call a wizard who's black and blue all over?
Bruce!