Some of you will remember me posting about my grandson who lives with me. He had been doing quite well but had a bit of a relapse in January. Couldn’t face school (not a school problem), just too much effort. They allowed him to attend mornings only for a few weeks. And in the meantime I fixed for him to talk to someone. Since the Easter Hols he has been back at school fulltime - all last week and it went well.

Today he would have had his second appointment but while waiting at the bus stop he came over funny, white and clammy and seriously looked like he might pass out. We went back home. I called them and made my apologies. He fell asleep, woke up for tea and then was to bed by 9.30 a first for him. Usual bedtime 10.30pm.

I am rather worried and wonder how I can get someone to see him when he is this bad. By the time I make a docs appointment and we get there over a week later he’s fine again. Reading about depression it seems to be something that hangs around for a while… But this doesn’t, it seems to come over sudden and goes off again in an hour or two. When it happens it’s quite scary. They talk about him being depressed, I know he is depressed but this seems to be more than that. Just wondered if there were any medical people in the house who might know what the problem could be.

Just a thought, but is it possible it was a panic attack? The other thing I was thinking was that if the thought of the appointment caused him stress, it could affect his gastric system. Those are my immediate thoughts.

Glad he's feeling better and it sounds like he's made some gains. He's lucky to have you.

Hugs, Didi

Didi,

So glad of your reply. It's almost 1.30am here and I can't sleep for thinking about it. I think you could be right about it being a panic attack. I just wish the people we were dealing with could see what I see. He's so good so it's not put on. I actually felt scared for him leaning against a lamp post at the bus stop. He had already walked about a mile from school to meet me at the bus stop. I knew something was wrong when he got closer. I tried to talk him past it but it was obvious we were not getting on that bus so we walked back home. He took a nap on the sofa and I woke him for tea. He went on the computer for a couple of hours - I seriously think it was only for the distraction. I went to wash up tea dishes and when I came back he was asleep on the sofa again, computer still on. I woke him and sent him to bed. I checked on him earlier and he is asleep, seems to be sleeping okay. Trying to tell myself to stay calm and wait to see what he is like in the morning after a good sleep.

Thanks again for your reply. These things always seem worse when they hit you at night time.

I too think it sounds like panic attacks. They can be totally and completely immobilizing.

All of the info you give makes it very obvious that this is the problem. There is something that is or went on at school that makes it unbearable for him to go there.

While panic attacks can, and usually do, mimic physical ailments, they are not. However, their symptoms are very much physical.


If I remember correctly, your grandson has lived his short life with a few problems, please correct me if I am wrong. If I am correct, these need to be dealt with before this becomes something more serious that it already is.

At this juncture I would say that he does not need to see a physician, but a professional counselor who is familiar with panic disorder. It can be crippling if not dealt with in the early stages.

You need to describe to the counselor what you see, what you know, as this is very transient and usually only happens under certain distinct circumstances.

You are so welcome. Too often people don't understand these kids and form snap decisions. If he's still feeling rough in the morning I would definitely have him checked as soon as possible, but if not, maybe just record the incident and monitor it. If it happens again, see if there are any similarities, and take him in for a check up to rule out any other problems. If the doctor finds heart, blood pressure, etc. all seem normal, then ask him what he thinks about the possibility of it being an anxiety attack. It might well warrant some tummy tests if it keeps happening. He could have a hiatal hernia or something weird like that, but somehow I don't think that's what you are looking at here.

Try to sleep. I'd love an update when you get a chance.

Hugs, Didi

J_9,

Thanks for the company at this odd hour here in UK.

I'll fill you in a little, it's rather a sad story. But I'm not going to get much sleep anyway. The short, short version. My son married, they had H, they broke up, H with his mum, got hurt at 10 months old and taken to hospital, H had broken leg and other older injuries were found after x-rays, doctor called police, mum arrested, got off because no witnesses, H taken into care, my son got custody 10 months later, he and H on their own till H was 8 and my son remarried, 2 more babies came along very close together, H left feeling more and more pushed out and unhappy, asked to come and live with me, he was 11, I went for a residency order and H has been with me just over two years, he will be 14 in May.

School isn't the problem. I think it's just too much effort sometimes to get there. Up until recently he had been doing quite well. It seems like a bit of a relapse.

He is seeing a councillor. Waited a month for the appointment. He saw her last week for the first time and it seemed to go quite well. Today after school would have been his second appointment with her. But that's when he came over funny while waiting for the bus.

"You need to describe to the councillor what you see, what you know, as this is very transient and usually only happens under certain distinct circumstances."

This is very true. And I was wondering how I could get it across without sounding like an over-concerned grandmother. But Didi's suggestion about keeping notes would be a good option. Don't know why I never thought of that.

Thank you again for being there. It's 2.30am here and these things always seem worse when you think about them in the wee small hours.

Thanks, Didi.

Thank you both. And now I will go and try to get some sleep. I'll let you know how he is in the morning.

Rose

Update - He didn't make it to school today but has agreed to go tomorrow. He slept a long time but looks much better now. Thanks again for your help last night. I will keep notes, I think it will help to reassure him and myself that at least we know what it is. More scary when you don't understand what is happening. Had a chat about panic attacks as a way of reassuring him and trying to avoid having him worry unnecessarily.

Rose, hun, I am glad to know he is looking better. Panic attacks can be terrible things. How did your chat go?

Sometimes a panic attack will manifest itself, like your grandson, about going to school, yet it has NOTHING to do with school.

Keep your notes as Didi suggested (great suggestion by the way) and see if there are any similarities. Make sure you note times, days of the week, things he was doing or going to do, as well has they symptoms (flushed face, heart palpatations, sweating, stomach ache, you get my point... LOL)

You say he suffers depression, is he taking anything?

I too was happy to receive this update. Does he have opinion as to what his problem is/was?

Thank you for letting us know and I hope that he's doing a lot better as the day goes on and this isn't a continuing problem.

Can I ask why you feel so strongly that it's not about school?

Hugs, Didi

J_9,

In the two years he has been with me this has happened about four or five time, maybe a few more times less seriously. He has tried to describe what it feels like but he struggles for the words. After speaking to you both I checked the net and I am now convinced that is what it is - panic attacks.

We had some problems for the first six months.. He was getting up in the night looking like he was choking, running to the bathroom like he was going to be sick. I was getting a call and going to get him from school because he was feeling ill.

On and off the first year I had meetings with the school about his attendance. I filled them in on his situation and they became very helpful and co-operative. We changed some stuff that he didn't like.. like Monday morning double period of rugby - he is not the physical type more the artistic type. And looked into things to make sure it was nothing at school. It wasn’t. I also had a word with the school matron who had reported that he spent quite a bit of time in the medical room complaining of aches and pains. After I explained his situation to her she agreed to just let him sit for ten or fifteen minutes and then send him back to class. I believe this helped a lot as he often talked about becoming overwhelmed with all the noise and fuss at school.

At the time we were dealing with so much that it all seemed to be the same thing - his background and sad and lonely situation living with his dad who worked a lot of hours and had different people collect little one from school, and left him with others most weekends. I did point these things out to my son but that only resulted in his visits becoming fewer and fewer.

I am only beginning to get the bigger picture from things H says, I don't think my son did a very good job probably through no fault of his own - maybe because he was a lone male parent. I have issues with him just now because he hasn't been to see the boy since last October. I also believe the relapse in January was because H never heard from his dad at Christmas - no cards no present, nothing.

We sat down and I asked him again what it felt like and I helped him clarify some words to describe it. I reassured him that we can deal with it and that he wasn't to be too scared of it. I explained how long it seemed to last and that if he could relax and just ride it maybe it wouldn’t make it easier to cope with. I asked him if he thought that would help and he agreed.

He's not on any medication. Is there anything else I can do or say to help improve his situation?

Didi,

He tried to explain it but struggled for the words. I think our chat helped him with that. We are in agreement to just ride it when it happens again. Not undermining it. This was just my way of reassuring him that I understood and that I would do what I could to help him through it.

It's 6.30am here and he has just got himself up is having breakfast and wants on here (the comp) for an hour before it's time to go to school. I'm very reassured when he gets up wanting on the computer... Things are back to normal.

He is very sad about some things he hasn't managed to talk about yet but hopefully that's where the councillor will help.

Missed that appointment on Monday, now waiting for a new one. Hope it comes soon.

If you have any more thoughts on how to make things easier, happier for him, please let me know.

My post to J_9 may explain why I know it isn't school.

Thank you both again for you help here.