I've been seeing this woman for about a month now. We had instant chemistry on our first date and we both felt like we've known each other for years. Great conversation and connection... just, amazing. So our first date led to a second and a third, and now we're looking forward to our foruth date- she invited me over for dinner at her apartment and to spend the night with her. We are both in our early/mid 20's.

My feeling is that this was too fast, so before I agreed to spending the night, I told her that we should not have sex and that I want to take things slow. She agreed and said that I was very understanding and a great guy for offering this and she had hoped I would think this way. Cool, right?

But the other thing is that I am worried this whole thing is going too fast. I don't have much experience with dating so I don't know how it works. Up until now, we see each other once a week on Saturday night and do some fun activity- dinner, dancing, ice skating, whatever. The funny thing is, before a date is over, she asks "when am I going to see you again" so the next day I'll call her and make plans. She is very interested in me and I like her a lot too.

Is this normal? To have only been on 3 dates over the course of a month and already get to sleeping over her place? Even without sex... is this too fast? I must add that during the week we talk on AOL instant messenger and over the phone 2-3 times, 5-10 min... very short and sweet.

I am very interested in her, and she seems like good girlfriend material. I can see myself being in a relationship with her, and yes, I am ready for a relationship. Should I keep things going the way they are or slow things down?

Advice from the women on here would be great too!

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

My feeling is that this was too fast, so before I agreed to spending the night, I told her that we should not have sex and that I want to take things slow. She agreed and said that I was very understanding and a great guy for offering this and she had hoped I would think this way. Cool, right?

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Could be. That being said if you come off as a nice guy too much that could turn her off. But if she invited you to her place for the night she was probably looking for more than you to spoon with. You took the high road and she stuck around so your still in good shape. I’m not saying you should use her, but just don’t get to nice and let her calling all the shots or she’s going to start thinking your replaceable.

That being said, in your case holding her off sex has apparently only increased her interest, and I’d guess it’s added to a allure about you. Everything you write here suggests that you are creating a mysterious presence about yourself. That is attractive to any woman so you are doing everything correct.

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

But the other thing is that I am worried this whole thing is going too fast. I don't have much experience with dating so I don't know how it works. Up until now, we see each other once a week on Saturday night and do some fun activity- dinner, dancing, ice skating, whatever. The funny thing is, before a date is over, she asks "when am I going to see you again" so the next day I'll call her and make plans. She is very interested in me and I like her alot too.

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Your doing great. In fact only seeing her once a week is doing you a great service because she gets to think about you all week. Your not too available so that is HELPING you and not hurting you. People commonly make the mistake of being around too much when a relationship starts because it’s all new and exciting. But by only being around a little you are actually worth more to her because now she can think about you which only makes the time with you that much more exciting.

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

Is this normal? To have only been on 3 dates over the course of a month and already get to sleeping over her place? Even without sex...is this too fast? I must add that during the week we talk on AOL instant messenger and over the phone 2-3 times, 5-10 min...very short and sweet.

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Keep it short and sweet. Your doing everything right. Again the less of you she gets the more she wants.

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

I am very interested in her, and she seems like good girlfriend material. I can see myself being in a relationship with her, and yes, I am ready for a relationship. Should I keep things going the way they are or slow things down?

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I think your doing fine just like your doing now. Your not too available and it’s driving her wild.

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

Advice from the women on here would be great too!

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Can't help you there, I'm a dude.

My first thought was that if you are unsure and maybe even a little uncomfortable with how things have been going, I think you need to trust your own instincts.

On the other hand if you are both happy with only seeing each other once a week.. Then don't fix what isn't broke.

Seems to me that you both need to get in step a little more with each other. You've only had a few dates, simply relax and go with the flow - I think something beyond our comprehension decides how these things are going to go. And at this stage it's anyone's guess. Good luck.

Sounds like you couldn't have handled things any better up until this point in time so keep doing what your doing. Just do what feels right and what comes natural. If you think things are moving too fast then feel free to discuss it with her.

Like bluerose said above, just relax and let it take you where it takes you. Don't force anything, but also realise it is good to take things slow.

So far you seem to be spot on in all your moves. Just remember to keep your 'other' life as you move forward and encourage her to do so as well. In fact everyone should read this thread as sort of little 'text book' on how to do things early on. Keep the head on your shoulders you have shown here and I'm sure things will work out perfectly.

I agree with the others. Trust your instincts.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Could be. That being said if you come off as a nice guy to much that could turn her off. But if she invited you to her place for the night she was probably looking for more than you to spoon with. You took the high road and she stuck around so your still in good shape. I’m not saying you should use her, but just don’t get to nice and let her calling all the shots or she’s going to start thinking your replaceable.

That being said, in your case holding her off of sex has apparently only increased her interest, and I’d guess it’s added to a allure about you. Everything you write here suggests that you are creating a mysterious presence about yourself. That is attractive to any woman so you are doing everything correct.



Your doing great. In fact only seeing her once a week is doing you a great service because she gets to think about you all week. Your not too available so that is HELPING you and not hurting you. People commonly make the mistake of being around to much when a relationship starts because it’s all new and exciting. But by only being around a little you are actually worth more to her because now she can think about you which only makes the time with you that much more exciting.



Keep it short and sweet. Your doing everything right. Again the less of you she gets the more she wants.



I think your doing fine just like your doing now. Your not too available and it’s driving her wild.



Can't help you there, I'm a dude.

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About the nice guy thing... I think it's good that I've shown that I'm nice because she has told me about her dislike of over-aggressive men, and even went as far as telling me about this one guy she had over one time who tried to take advantage of her even after she said no a few times. The situation got ugly she said and she ended it with him. So perhaps me being nice is a breath of fresh air for her, seeing as she may not have had the best of the dating pool so far.

I understand though that there's a difference between being outwardly and overly-nice just for the sake of throwing out that image, versus being genuinely nice. It's a big difference, and I know a girl can spot a fake versus a real nice guy. I guess I should simply tone down the whole "oh i totally understand" line, and just walk the walk.

Take your time and have fun getting to know each other. Don't let sex have you thinking about love at this point, as you are stangers right now. As Skell said and I agree, don't just walk away from the life you had before she got in the picture. The worst thing you can do is make her the whole focus of your life. GO SLOW.

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Originally Posted by Gibblets

About the nice guy thing...I think it's good that I've shown that I'm nice because she has told me about her dislike of over-aggressive men, and even went as far as telling me about this one guy she had over one time who tried to take advantage of her even after she said no a few times. The situation got ugly she said and she ended it with him. So perhaps me being nice is a breath of fresh air for her, seeing as she may not have had the best of the dating pool so far.

I understand though that there's a difference between being outwardly and overly-nice just for the sake of throwing out that image, versus being genuinely nice. It's a big difference, and I know a girl can spot a fake versus a real nice guy. I guess I should simply tone down the whole "oh i totally understand" line, and just walk the walk.

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I think that probably didn't read as well as what I was thinking in my head when I wrote it. What I was trying to say is don't be nice just because you think that's what she'll like. Be nice because that's who you are in any given situation that your in with her. But if she starts using your kindness against you then don't start bending over backwards for her. In other words be nice to her but not at the expense of yourself or your emotional state.

Yes chuff this is true- because then she will take advantage as I have done before and he ended it abrubtly and I didn't even realize what I was doing.

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Originally Posted by missk

Yes chuff this is true- because then she will take advantage as I have done before and he ended it abrubtly and I didn't even realize what I was doing.

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Understood. Yeah I know what you mean and I've been guilty of the same. I had a long-term girlfriend who was very nice and accommodating and I took advantage of her and started to abuse her kindness and used her for all she gave me. I feel terrible for doing it, but it was so easy and it sort of just happened without being conscious of it. I only learned my lesson after she broke up with me.

That being said, I think I've been doing OK. I haven't been a doormat or some super-emotional guy who caters to her every need. I've just been respectful and kind. She told me she didn't like it when guys pushed for sex, so I told her that we could have a sleep over without sex. I don't think that is being too nice or out of character. I just want her to feel comfortable. This is not to say that I'm not going to test her limits a bit when we are in bed together, but I know my boundaries.

She is a nice girl though. Seems like she's been hurt before and has a distrust in men. She was also one of those girls who wasn't the blonde athletic prom queen type and sort of developed a personality to go along with not being that type. She's certainly beautiful, but simply doesn't have the nasty attitude which usually comes with such beauty- which is a good thing.

I think with girls like this, it's important to stay away from playing games and all that and just be genuine.

Not being overly nice and not being clingy is something you'd want to do with any human being- prissy popular types or not. Nobody likes a clinger.

I'd be interested to hear some stories about how the early stages of dating were like for some of the couples on here...