My husband left me we have been married for almost 30 years I have no job, I am trying to raise my 19 month old grandson. He is a good man I have been under a lot of stress with the baby, don't want to raise any more children.
He has moved to another town close by his work. There has not been any us since our grandson came. So how do I make him see that I want and love him when we are not seeing each other
How do I talk to him??
Thanks sue

What was the reason that he left? This could be the key.

He said he was not happy, but the week before he left he was talking about all the things he wanted us to do this summer, he has adult add his mind rases, and has a hard time finishing projects he starts, he just goes to a new one. I don't know, he came home from work and said he had to go.

I am not sure what you mean by "adult add his mind rases"
It could be that he is confused and needs time to figure out what he really wants to do.
Being married almost 30 is not a joke and I find it very strange. Have you noticed any signs that he might have another woman?

I think the child is the problem. Not the child itself but the communication between you guys about bringing it into the home. You need to be honest with him and ask that he be honest with you, no matter how much you love that baby, YOUR husband comes first. You might have know he wasn't up for that challenge and decided to do it anyway. That is what I am hearing in your voice. Find a solution with the baby and tell your husband you are working on it right away. I hope he comes back, sounds to me it isn't worth your marriage. Good luck my friend..

I believe there is another woman, I can not believe he can just throw me away after all of the years we have invested in us. He has always worked but always had everything he ever ask for. I have 3 daughters and they remind me daily that he was never really there for any of us, It was always about what he wanted. Does not chance the fact that I love him and want him to come home

You said there "hasn't been any us since our grandson came." You also said you have other daughters. Can they help with the baby? There is a reason young women have babies - they are a lot of work, you don't get much sleep and they demand all your time. Your husband may be feeling like he is no longer a priority in your life. Father's of small children feel that way and I am guessing that grandfather's can feel that way, too.

I was working on getting help with my grandson, maybe even some daycare, his mother has been getting better about keeping him a little more. Of course he says it has nothing to do with the baby, he says its him. Says he never really loved me and he needs companionship?? He also got a new harley 3 years ago and it has became him main focus. I really think he is trying to be 20 again

Could it be that you are too busy doing your daughter's job (i.e. raising your grandson) and have ignored your husband? Ask your husband to get a sissy bar for that Harley and go riding with him.

Obviously, there are many family dynamics involved in the deterioation of your marriage. Blame it on the grandbaby, your daughters, the weather outside, what ever!. the man said that he really never loved you! That had to be a blow to your ego! I can't imagine what that would feel like after spending 30 years together. I hate to say it.. but it still takes two to tango. So sorry for you!

I am guessing that for him, the addition of the baby was the straw that broke the camel's back, but wasn't the true cause of his leaving. It was more likely a handy excuse to give, so as not to have to explain the truth. I can't imagine what the truth is, as I know neither of you nor the history of your relationship. I suggest you write, call, or email him and explain how important your he and your marriage are to you. Ask him to consider joining couple's therapy with you. Give him a few days to mull it over, then contact him again and ask what he has decided. I wish you success and commend your desire to work things out. Good luck.

I have been under a lot of stress with the baby situation in the last year he will not help at alll, never helped with his own children, he never wanted any responsibility so I did everything he never wanted to go to the grogery did not even know what size pants he wore, I paid all the bills took care of all house stuff and even did all repairs. All plumbing and anything else that needed to be done, he pretty much went to work and did whatever he wanted to do with his off time, he has never mowed the yard or taken out the trash not changed a diaper in 29 1/2 years of marriage, but I was very thankful that he made enough money for me to stay home and take care of him, the house and the girls
He has had corvettes harleys, boats, and many toys in the past, seems like he loses interest in everything and moves on the something else. I love him very much I really believe he is going through a crisis and does not know what he wants.
He does not want to talk to me or see me he has very little contact with his girls, age 24, 22, 19 my youngest is in college. Oh yea I have not job. And my town is dried up, I have apps out and not one call. I have only worked part time jobs in the last 20 years. The most I can hope to make around here is 6.00 an hour.
He is still putting enough money in the bank to cover the house payment.
WILL HE EVER COME BACK HOME??

My mother and father were together for 33 years after they have been separated for almost 15 years now. He left and got a woman from St. Dominica and he has been with her ever since. I see my father every day and he never asks about my mother, it's like she doesn't exists. From my experience I can tell you, it's the same thing. I believe that my father never really loved my mother and it was only for companionship.

Now I live with my mother and still see my father. She still cares for my father but he has moved on with his life with that St. dominica woman. You must also move on with your life and I know it's hard to forget. You should never dwell on the past it's gone and now it's time to live one day at a time. Keep a positive attitude of expectancy, G-d always has a better plan but you must have strong believe.

Best of luck

hurtssobad, I am so sorry for what you are going through.

We can't answer the question as to whether he will come back or not. It sounds as if you have tolerated a lot in this marriage. He has always done what he wants to do, and you have always put his needs above your own. As a result of this, he has had 30 years of constant reinforcement of his selfish behavior. I know you want him to come home, but from the sound of it, your pleas are falling on deaf ears. Not knowing you both, it is very hard to determine what exactly has motivated him to leave. He very well may have met someone else. Or, he never wanted children in the first place and doesn't want to deal with a baby around the house. Or, your constantly always being there for him, without fear of losing you, is motivating him to do what he wants to do. He may very well be going through "male menopause." That is to say, he is realizing that he is aging and he is looking for his last hurrah before it is too late.

I gather that money is a bit tight at the moment for you? You do need him to provide you with more than just enough to pay the mortgage. If nothing else, he does owe you that. I think you do need to put your foot down on this issue. You should tell him, for now, that until you can find a job to help pay expenses, you need more financial help from him. I believe you should put that money toward paying for a professional marriage counselor. You need someone who is objective who can help you think things through and give you the tools necessary to aid you in dealing with your husband's behavior. You want him back. So, you need someone who has the ability to get to really know you, the person you are, and your unique situation. Once that happens, they can guide you on how to build a more constructive life for yourself. I suspect that you have made this all too easy for your husband. If he realizes that you may NOT always be there for him, that you are open to dating other people, or doing other things that will move you emotionally away from him, it might be a wake up call to him. The only way you can do that is to have someone help walk you through this on a regular basis. They need to help you figure out what gives you enjoyment in your life, other than your husband. Once you start doing those things, and you are not calling him pleading for him to come back home, and appear to be building a new life for yourself, it may very well be the wake up call he needs. Then again, it may very well be the wake up call YOU need. Does this make sense to you? Do you think you can do this for yourself? Please consider what I am saying very carefully.

Thanks for your answer I know you are right I just don't know how to move on I am having a real hard time finding a job that pays enough to survive on and I have no idea how or where to meet anyone.
I spend time with my friends and family but I am not much on going out, and not sure enough of myself right now to even think about dating. If I did meet someone
I know your right I need to take care of me for a change even my daughters tell me that.

Get an attorney first and spousal support. Alimony is not out of the question since you have been a stay at home mom.

Go out to look for a job with a positive attitude, it's very important. If G-d puts you in it, he can get you out of it. G-d works miracles and you have to go out expecting the good, no negative thoughts.

I have experienced G-d miracles because I simply believed and prayed.
Ask G-d for strength, he is always listening.

G-d says not to tremble or be dismayed by anything, because He is with you wherever you may go. That is such an encouragement, and it's absolutely true! You should be walking around in life without even the slightest amount of fear, because that is not the nature G-d gave you. You should refuse to be defeated by the things around you, even if they seem insurmountable. Perhaps one definition of courage might be staying strong and moving forward, even when most would give up and even surrender their ground to fear. Be strong and courageous today for G-d and do not allow yourself to be defeated by fear or the unknown!

When my mom and dad split up after 36 years, she started a day care at home. Since all her experience centered around raising kids - it made sense that she do that. The mother of the grandson you are raising needs to be paying you child support, too.

Hurts, I wasn't suggesting that you start to date right now. That would be something down the road, not now. What I was suggesting is to seek out a counselor. They will help you with this step by step process of finding the "you" that was lost during this marriage. You have eaten, slept, breathed,. for your husband. You need to do this for yourself. Emland is right. You will be able to received more than just the mortgage payment from your husband. You need to seek the advice of a Divorce attorney. You don't have to get a divorce if that is not something that you want. But, you can put into place a formal Separation Agreement, in which your husband is obligated to give you additional monies, especially if you have been actively looking for a job and can't find one. Emland is also correct in that you need to ask your daughter to give you support for the baby. I know it is hard to do, but she is responsible for the finances of the child. Not you.

Going to a counselor will help you to get your priorities straight and pull you out of this holding pattern you have found yourself in. He/she will help you in laying out the groundwork for what you have to do for yourself. They will help you with each step you need to take and work through each one with you. I don't know where you live, but this link is a good place to start:
The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory

Great answers but...

I do not think it is fair to judge any one who has an emotional/mental illness DEFECT.

If you do not have first hand knowledge or case study experience what you advise may not be the best solution. Seeking PROFESSIONAL HELP needs to apply to this type of situation.

Often the disease itself CAUSES people to APPEAR confused, become violent, lazy, disconnected... What if your shoes were switched in the middle of the night? If your brain functions failed should he leave you? The mentally ill CAN NOT make sound decisions--they are MENTALLY ILL! It's the same if he lost an arm, a leg or foot, lost his sight... He needs the help of a PROFESSIONAL. Please seek it on his behalf at once!